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re: Marital Advice

Posted on 2/16/20 at 2:33 pm to
Posted by Pilot Tiger
North Carolina
Member since Nov 2005
73144 posts
Posted on 2/16/20 at 2:33 pm to
quote:

Her widowed mom is struggling with a move to more suitable living situation because she is leaving last place she was with husband. Me and my wife are leaving our first house that was on verge of hoarder status to something more comfortable. Mom is trying to figure out how to push all her worthless stuff on us or anyone so she doesnt have to move on from it. My wife is agreeing to take things I think neither of us want to ease mom's feelings. We are going to hoarder this place and be miserable.
this has to be up there among the dumbest reasons to fight with your spouse
Posted by Booyow
Member since Mar 2010
3994 posts
Posted on 2/16/20 at 2:34 pm to
quote:

My wife is agreeing to take things I think neither of us want to ease mom's feelings. We are going to hoarder this place and be miserable.


Rent a storage unit to house these items to give you time to “figure out “ what to do with them
Posted by Will Cover
St. Louis, MO
Member since Mar 2007
38543 posts
Posted on 2/16/20 at 2:34 pm to
quote:

Her mom and sister

She is not respecting our family or that I don't care what her mom or sister think because they are not making decisions for us


Marriages fall apart usually become of these three things:

I don’t feel liked.

I don’t feel loved.

I don’t feel respected.
Posted by thelawnwranglers
Member since Sep 2007
38783 posts
Posted on 2/16/20 at 2:34 pm to
quote:

you really want an honest opinion, you sound like an a-hole.


Probably true
Posted by thelawnwranglers
Member since Sep 2007
38783 posts
Posted on 2/16/20 at 2:34 pm to
quote:

Rent a storage unit to house these items to give you time to “figure out “ what to do with them





I suggested this
Posted by LSUtiger89
Baton Rouge
Member since Dec 2007
3639 posts
Posted on 2/16/20 at 2:34 pm to
quote:

Her widowed mom is struggling with a move to more suitable living situation because she is leaving last place she was with husband. Me and my wife are leaving our first house that was on verge of hoarder status to something more comfortable. Mom is trying to figure out how to push all her worthless stuff on us or anyone so she doesnt have to move on from it. My wife is agreeing to take things I think neither of us want to ease mom's feelings. We are going to hoarder this place and be miserable.


Dude if this is the worst of yalls marriage you’re doing pretty good. It’s her mom and wether it makes sense or not to you it makes sense to her. Her personality is different then yours which means certain things will drive her to act/react in a certain way. Be understanding of that. Not saying you have agree with her. But how do you react to it? How was the conversation over dinner/wine about it?
Posted by AU4real35
Member since Jan 2014
16065 posts
Posted on 2/16/20 at 2:35 pm to
quote:

I’ve been married for twenty years and I ignore half of her family drama I only get involved when i absolutely have too


This, (besides the “too”)
Posted by thelawnwranglers
Member since Sep 2007
38783 posts
Posted on 2/16/20 at 2:35 pm to
quote:

having trouble following most of his posts. Half thoughts, bad grammar, scattered...


Fair
Posted by Chucktown_Badger
The banks of the Ashley River
Member since May 2013
31118 posts
Posted on 2/16/20 at 2:35 pm to
quote:


Marriages fall apart usually become of these three things:

I don’t feel liked.

I don’t feel loved.

I don’t feel respected.


and money.
Posted by unclejhim
Folsom, La.
Member since Nov 2011
3703 posts
Posted on 2/16/20 at 2:36 pm to
quote:

She is trying to make her family happy and me happy, but I disagree with what her first family wants and she is in the middle


GET OUT NOW!!! If she can't put you and her first it's only going to get worse. Trust me on this.
Posted by thelawnwranglers
Member since Sep 2007
38783 posts
Posted on 2/16/20 at 2:36 pm to
Her poor mom is dealing with something really tough and creating a Ghostbusters 2 level of bad emotion lava flow through all our lives
Posted by AU4real35
Member since Jan 2014
16065 posts
Posted on 2/16/20 at 2:37 pm to
quote:

I pushed her to hard - then offered compromise Too late she isn't playing ball


So she’s kicking you out?
Posted by LSUtiger89
Baton Rouge
Member since Dec 2007
3639 posts
Posted on 2/16/20 at 2:37 pm to
quote:

The thing that most people do wrongly is thinking they need to fix the other person. Wrong. Must fix yourself first. Fighting or disagreements generally occur because most of us are selfish and/or bad communicators —- or don’t communicate with respect to one another.


I agree fully! That’s why I said about him being responsible. The problem is the other usually more dominant person does change the other person. To be more like them. Then they are left looking at themself and don’t like what they see. You have to fix yourself. Which my second comment about being different personalities is what I’m talking about. Odds are he doesn’t know what his wife’s personality or love language probably is so he is just slipping back to his own personality causing friction and issues rather then knowing how to communicate with her.
Posted by thelawnwranglers
Member since Sep 2007
38783 posts
Posted on 2/16/20 at 2:38 pm to
quote:

So she’s kicking you out?


No just I offered to move the thing her mom wanted at our house, and she was like no your an a-hole F you. I hope it burns
Posted by thelawnwranglers
Member since Sep 2007
38783 posts
Posted on 2/16/20 at 2:40 pm to
quote:

LSUtiger89


Definitely not communicating well

Then external forces aka mom is forcing decision on things we have not worked out
Posted by Dawgirl
Member since Oct 2015
6132 posts
Posted on 2/16/20 at 2:40 pm to
(no message)
This post was edited on 2/16/20 at 2:45 pm
Posted by the LSUSaint
Member since Nov 2009
15444 posts
Posted on 2/16/20 at 2:41 pm to
quote:

She is not respecting our family or that I don't care what her mom or sister think because they are not making decisions for us


Honestly, you dont have a complete family. You have no kids. So she spends her family time with ith er r family members.
Why no chance of kids? Is she unhappy about that?
It takes a lot more than just money to make a marriage work.
I dont know you, but reading your texts here, it sure seems like you are content with just providing $....making comments like "call me when we cant buy food"
Posted by AU4real35
Member since Jan 2014
16065 posts
Posted on 2/16/20 at 2:43 pm to
She’s mad, you’re in the doghouse. You have to be more understanding, instead of an insensitive prick, like we all are sometimes.. Work on yourself, the things that set you off, your attitude, not to fix the marriage, but to be a better person. If she doesn’t want you to stay, at least you are working on being a better person.
Posted by RGJ18
Collierville, TN
Member since Feb 2010
8679 posts
Posted on 2/16/20 at 2:43 pm to
quote:

No kids

If you plan on having kids, go find someone else to do it with. It will only get more difficult with kids.

If you don’t want kids, try to work it out.
Posted by LSUtiger89
Baton Rouge
Member since Dec 2007
3639 posts
Posted on 2/16/20 at 2:48 pm to
What does she say when you ask “can we make a decision after we have had a chance to fully discuss it?”
If so have you set a time to fully discuss it?
Dinner and wine usually works with my wife. Find something that will work with yours to get conversation not arguing out.

And to the people saying if she is putting others before your marriage then get out...if she is a relationship (r type) personality then her main motivation is making people happy. You’re full of it. Don’t listen to them. She is probably this way. You just have to help her find a way that will make her mom happy while also working inside your wishes. You do that... you will be even that much stronger together.
This post was edited on 2/16/20 at 2:51 pm
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