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re: Marital Advice

Posted on 2/17/20 at 7:18 am to
Posted by 50_Tiger
Dallas TX
Member since Jan 2016
40079 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 7:18 am to
quote:

Toxic in-laws can put huge strain on a marriage,I know from experience.Sounds like the wife has a co-dependent relationship with her mother,typically these situations don’t get any better.Dudes between a rock and a hard place.


This is exactly what I was thinking.

Good thing their isnt a child involved. He would never get a say in anything meaningful and the MIL by proxy would be making decisions for his wife.
Posted by Old Sarge
Dean of Admissions, LSU
Member since Jan 2012
55257 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 7:42 am to
quote:

Her widowed mom is struggling with a move to more suitable living situation because she is leaving last place she was with husband. Me and my wife are leaving our first house that was on verge of hoarder status to something more comfortable. Mom is trying to figure out how to push all her worthless stuff on us or anyone so she doesnt have to move on from it. My wife is agreeing to take things I think neither of us want to ease mom's feelings. We are going to hoarder this place and be miserable.


That’s it?

Let me help you out. If you love your wife just sat “yes dear”
Posted by real turf fan
East Tennessee
Member since Dec 2016
8627 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 9:13 am to
Go to your library and take out some books about Hoarders. Read them and see if your wife and MIL fit the criteria.

If they do, then talk to your wife and see if she can see the problem. Then get mental health help.

Do not watch the Hoarders programs on TV; they are depressing as hell. Their solutions are not your solution.

Good luck.
Posted by lake chuck fan
westlake
Member since Aug 2011
9152 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 9:17 am to
frick that... i wouldnt run away! stay and fight like a man.
i am divorced and presently seeing two women that I love very much. so... i wouldnt take my advice! lol
Posted by lsunurse
Member since Dec 2005
128950 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 9:28 am to
Haven’t read the entire thread but sounds like your wife REALLY needs to learn how to establish better boundaries with her family.

It’s hard when it’s your parents. You want to help them out and then guilt and a sense of obligation cause they are your parents makes it worse.

But.....your marriage HAS to come first. You can help your immediate family but have to do so in a way that doesn’t sacrifice your marriage in the process.

I’m learning this the hard way. I’ve posted about all the drama with my mentally ill father and how I’ve bent over backwards trying to help him out. I got so focused on that.....I took my marriage for granted (not even realizing that is what I was doing) and now I’m fighting like hell to keep it from completely falling apart(there were several other factors in play...the dad thing was just one of them).

Your wife needs to consider seeing a therapist to help her establish better boundaries with her family.
Posted by thelawnwranglers
Member since Sep 2007
38770 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 10:45 am to
Thanks

Still some hot spots (but we are bringing up history which tells me she knows current events argument is a loser)

Right now it looks like we are here bc I told my wife no, and sister and bf keep trying to move item. Then tried to make it out that didn't want to do bc lazy. They fought and now my wife is mad for being in the middle
This post was edited on 2/17/20 at 10:51 am
Posted by StupidBinder
Jawja
Member since Oct 2017
6392 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 12:38 pm to
This might have been asked/answered already (didn’t see this by skimming through) but if you’re MIL has money, why can’t she rent self-storage?

Also, your short-hand is really difficult to follow.
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