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re: Is this a red flag? ie: dating and dealing with girl's mom

Posted on 3/1/14 at 3:40 pm to
Posted by wadewilson
Member since Sep 2009
40090 posts
Posted on 3/1/14 at 3:40 pm to
quote:

If you really see yourself with this lady further down the road then this is a good thing. Imagine y'all have children, oh let's say a daughter, wouldn't you want her telling yalls daughter the same thing?


Or you have a wife that's more concerned about appeasing her mother than you.
Posted by BamaDude06
GOATville20
Member since Jan 2007
3686 posts
Posted on 3/1/14 at 3:41 pm to


Posted by Floating Change Up
Member since Dec 2013
12855 posts
Posted on 3/1/14 at 3:42 pm to
quote:

Run dude.. it will only get worse


Absolutely this. If you thinking she's controlling and overbearing with the daughter, wait until your girlfriend has kids. Grandma will be incredibly difficult to deal with.

(and for you grammar nazi's, yes, I just ended a sentence with a preposition. get over it.)
This post was edited on 3/1/14 at 3:43 pm
Posted by Pettifogger
I don't really care, Margaret
Member since Feb 2012
85799 posts
Posted on 3/1/14 at 3:43 pm to
It's not that uncommon. My parents occasionally bug me about practically living with my gf, but it's fine. They're just being parents, and they've always backed off when I brush them back on it.

Now the coming over whenever part could be problematic, but they've probably been doing that for a while (and daughter may well like it). If the mom controls the daughter, I'd run. If they're just BFF and the mom is protective/old fashioned, that's just the cost of doing business.
Posted by Arkla Missy
Ark-La-Miss
Member since Jan 2013
10288 posts
Posted on 3/1/14 at 3:43 pm to
quote:

She needs to grow up and remind her mother she is an adult and ask her to call before coming by. Ps. That's some horseshite, I can understand not wanting to make waves, but she really needs to put mom in place

Doesn't matter if she puts "mom" in her place or not. Her mother is obviously controlling, and if she hasn't changed by now, she's most definitely not going to. Best thing for daughter is to sell her house & move further away from "mom."
Posted by lsunurse
Member since Dec 2005
129146 posts
Posted on 3/1/14 at 3:43 pm to
Run....that will end up being a issue later on when you marry. She will continue always try to control her daughter and will end up being a mother in law you will not want to have.




Posted by Tayday
Lake Charles. LA
Member since Mar 2011
5523 posts
Posted on 3/1/14 at 3:45 pm to
How long have you been dating her?
Posted by Sho Nuff
Oahu
Member since Feb 2009
13374 posts
Posted on 3/1/14 at 3:45 pm to


You down voted me for telling you the truth? She's 28. She's not a kid. She owns her own home.

Er...never mind, believe what you will.
Posted by Lsupimp
Ersatz Amerika-97.6% phony & fake
Member since Nov 2003
85205 posts
Posted on 3/1/14 at 3:46 pm to
Her Mom loves her infinitely more than you and is motivated out of concern for her daughter. You "dig" her. Her Mom loves her desperately. BIG difference. As you will understand when you have a daughter. For now sleep at your house. You can always make her an honest woman if you don't like her rules.
Posted by oilmanNO
Member since Oct 2009
2873 posts
Posted on 3/1/14 at 3:46 pm to
He didn't down vote you.
Posted by lsunurse
Member since Dec 2005
129146 posts
Posted on 3/1/14 at 3:47 pm to
I'm gonna guess the mom is part of the reason she is still single at 28. Other guys before you saw the red flags and gtfo.
Posted by Sho Nuff
Oahu
Member since Feb 2009
13374 posts
Posted on 3/1/14 at 3:47 pm to


Oh, so you're the pussy.

OP, I still stand behind what I said. Have a straight talk with her and see if this is going to persist. This will get worse, the mother won't change. Your gf has to set the boundaries.
Posted by brewhan davey
Audubon Place
Member since Sep 2010
33280 posts
Posted on 3/1/14 at 3:48 pm to
My SO's mom is the shite.
Posted by Ponchy Tiger
Ponchatoula
Member since Aug 2004
48767 posts
Posted on 3/1/14 at 3:51 pm to
Your over thinking it. She is just being a mom.
Posted by hojo
St. Louis, MO
Member since Mar 2005
1366 posts
Posted on 3/1/14 at 3:52 pm to
Having her mom "lecture her" (your words) about a guy sleeping over when she's 18 is one thing...having her do it when she's 28, that's problematic...the fact that your girlfriend would rather deflect by sleeping at your place instead of sticking up for herself
and you, also problematic...in the immortal words of the Albanian kidnapper in "Taken," "Good luck..."
This post was edited on 3/1/14 at 3:54 pm
Posted by Arkla Missy
Ark-La-Miss
Member since Jan 2013
10288 posts
Posted on 3/1/14 at 3:52 pm to
quote:

. Your gf has to set the boundaries.

See, that's what people don't get. Many times with extremely controlling mothers, they don't give two fricks about "boundaries." It makes no difference to them how old the "child" is or what boundaries he/she tries to set. Mom thinks she's entitled to run kid's life, period. If that's the case, daughter needs to get more than a mile away from mom to avoid the bullshite & live her own life; otherwise, things won't change because mom sure as hell ain't changing.
Posted by smooth99
Member since Oct 2003
712 posts
Posted on 3/1/14 at 3:53 pm to
Had the exact same thing happen to me and my girlfriend. Now, her mom will call and ask before she comes over. I didn't say a word. The gf just told her mom how it was going to be. It is a red flag.
Posted by EmperorGout
I hate all of you.
Member since Feb 2008
11548 posts
Posted on 3/1/14 at 3:54 pm to
quote:

I'm gonna guess the mom is part of the reason she is still single at 28. Other guys before you saw the red flags and gtfo.


This. I dated an attractive Salvadorean chick for a while. Her mother would drop by her place constantly, and sometimes when she was there she'd open her daughter's mail, put it on the counter and then leave.

Some boundaries were attempted, and after a few conversations the mother up and threatened to kill herself if she couldn't do what she wanted.

Gone pecan.

Posted by lsunurse
Member since Dec 2005
129146 posts
Posted on 3/1/14 at 3:54 pm to
Coming over unannounced to your 28 year child's house all the time is not "just being a mom"


Mom needs to understand that her daughter is an adult capable of making her own decisions and should respect that.



Posted by Polycarp
Texas
Member since Feb 2009
5722 posts
Posted on 3/1/14 at 3:55 pm to
I kinda like her mom.
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