Insufferable C-word (who happens to be Asian) questions if her bf has an asian fetish

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He hates it when I do this. So do I, really. I know it’s unkind and self-loathing, but every time I see another couple of our racial makeup, a little part of me sinks. We live in San Francisco, so this dip is as common as the hills. In these moments, I wish we were anything else ? that he were my gay best friend or we were startup co-founders, that he were Asian and I were white, that we were exquisitely ambiguous races, or that I could sink like my feelings into the sidewalk, be a little worm, and date whomever I want without considering social perception.

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Even as I forayed into dating this boy, I was put off by much of what he said. My friends weren’t wrong about his Asian fetish. “I just feel like Asian girls are deeper than other girls, y’know?” he said to me once.

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Despite his tendency to be defensive (is that one of those hot white guy traits?), he took my request to step outside himself seriously. He asked me questions, and he listened to my answers. We delved into not only the dynamic between Asian females and white males but also unfair portrayals of Asian men throughout history, and the backlash that public figures like Constance Wu and Chloe Kim have contended with for dating white men. It’s an uncomfortable conversation, but we’ve continued it through the years.

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So I returned to him with homework.

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