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Started By
Message
re: I'm not crazy, you're crazy - Borderline Personality Disorder
Posted on 2/15/23 at 12:35 pm to TheRouxGuru
Posted on 2/15/23 at 12:35 pm to TheRouxGuru
I'll lay it out a little bit. My wife has it, therapists are hesitant to give the diagnosis in my experience but they will try to give them tools and understand triggers.
Couples therapy, she literally thought I was feeding him information to get him to side with me. So we stopped.
She got to the point where she thought I was tracking her every move, had her phone bugged, all sorts of crazy shite.
It hit the fan hard in year 6 or 7 of marriage. She wanted out, so we separated. My shite went just fine as others have stated in this thread. Her shite did not go well whatsoever.
3 months in and she was at risk of breaching our custody agreements, had a DUI, off the rails.
She got herself therapy, she became self aware, but she had to lose everything to do it. We made amends, maybe a little quicker than we should have due to kids but we did. Therapy continued and she is now very self aware and can manage it much better.
You have to change the way you work on your marriage, sometimes you can't just outright tell her wtf she's doing and have to let her get to the conclusion herself with some help. Let her arse fail, our biggest issue was her behavior caused all these issues and I always came to the rescue. Nope, I know we're married but this is on you.
Never walk on eggshells. It's your house your kids, do things the way you should and she will either come along that journey or she will get left behind.
If she can't be self aware, you're screwed.
Couples therapy, she literally thought I was feeding him information to get him to side with me. So we stopped.
She got to the point where she thought I was tracking her every move, had her phone bugged, all sorts of crazy shite.
It hit the fan hard in year 6 or 7 of marriage. She wanted out, so we separated. My shite went just fine as others have stated in this thread. Her shite did not go well whatsoever.
3 months in and she was at risk of breaching our custody agreements, had a DUI, off the rails.
She got herself therapy, she became self aware, but she had to lose everything to do it. We made amends, maybe a little quicker than we should have due to kids but we did. Therapy continued and she is now very self aware and can manage it much better.
You have to change the way you work on your marriage, sometimes you can't just outright tell her wtf she's doing and have to let her get to the conclusion herself with some help. Let her arse fail, our biggest issue was her behavior caused all these issues and I always came to the rescue. Nope, I know we're married but this is on you.
Never walk on eggshells. It's your house your kids, do things the way you should and she will either come along that journey or she will get left behind.
If she can't be self aware, you're screwed.
0
Posted on 2/15/23 at 12:35 pm to Sam Quint
quote:
thanks for this. that's a brutal situation. my family life was always very stable thanks to my parents, which is why i am so reluctant to nuke my family. my default belief is taht both parents in the home is always best.
yw, man. getting that out actually helped me a little bit, too. i know that just cosigning your diagnosis doesn't give you any insight and only leaves more questions, so you need to hear actual in depth life experience.
i hope that helps you with your decision going forward.
Posted on 2/15/23 at 12:35 pm to Sam Quint
quote:
But I dont think she does it because she just started hating me one day
If you feel like it's worth getting help for then do it, but otherwise I think you've got your answer right here.
Posted on 2/15/23 at 12:42 pm to notbilly
quote:this is absolutely my ex-husband but the OT said the word narcissist is over used and therefore he couldn't possibly be one.
Correct. I have a family member that is a therapist. The borderlines don't like to hear the truth about themselves. They are the ones that go online and give their therapists a shitty google review b/c they were told they were in the wrong about something
Posted on 2/15/23 at 12:44 pm to madamsquirrel
quote:
this is absolutely my ex-husband but the OT said the word narcissist is over used and therefore he couldn't possibly be one.
You really gonna try to come in here and make this about you right now??
Posted on 2/15/23 at 12:45 pm to TheRouxGuru
quote:
You really gonna try to come in here and make this about you right now??
haven't you heard the drum roll for the last thirty minutes?
Posted on 2/15/23 at 12:49 pm to Gaggle
(no message)
This post was edited on 5/26/24 at 2:48 am
Posted on 2/15/23 at 12:49 pm to 777Tiger
She got dat BPD
that ‘bitch please disease’
Imma head out
that ‘bitch please disease’
Imma head out
Posted on 2/15/23 at 12:51 pm to TheRouxGuru
quote:
Imma head out
same, going to have a beer, er, uh, I mean I'm going to run some errands
Posted on 2/15/23 at 12:51 pm to Sam Quint
quote:I felt the same so I stayed for far too long. I finally left when they were in upper elementary and middle schools. They are adults now, in therapy, and have said many times over a decade that they wish I would have left earlier. They have a relationship with their dad but living with him was way too hard "walking on egg shells". Even seeing what I went through was alot for them.
i am so reluctant to nuke my family. my default belief is taht both parents in the home is always best.
Posted on 2/15/23 at 12:53 pm to Sam Quint
quote:
She's an OT 10, trust me
I think I can help diagnose you here. Answer this question:
Is my wife going to seek objective input on her own behavior by an anonymous jury of her peers to help her figure out her level of culpability?
An OT 10 sure SEEMS likely to have had a fairly easy path and not held to a similar standard as you her whole life. Just saying.
Good luck, brother! Life is too short to live unhappy.
Posted on 2/15/23 at 12:54 pm to 777Tiger
quote:
but it seems like you are in denial over this
Not at all, Trust me and I mean that. I will not express personal stuff on here to prove a point.
quote:
I used to feel like you when I was younger in that I thought that diagnosis was BS and all a person needs is a healthy dose of grow the frick up
You totally misread my post. Didn't say that at all. I know what I am saying and I don't need you to try and give me a lecture. TRUST me I know. BPD is not Bi-polar so get it straight as to what we are discussing here. I never said I don't believe these are real. You once again misread. I said I don't trust the diagnosis and never did. Try to keep up. TRUST me I know.
I know all about self medication and it isn't just alcohol or drugs that one can use to self medicate.
I know all about the life sentence. Step off your box bruh. I KNOW Trust me and you misread my post anyway.
Posted on 2/15/23 at 12:55 pm to Sam Quint
This is the same way women become convinced that everyone else is a narcissist.
For what it’s worth, since you managed to make it all about you, you might be.
For what it’s worth, since you managed to make it all about you, you might be.
Posted on 2/15/23 at 12:58 pm to MyRockstarComplex
Was married to a girl for 17 years that was diagnosed with a personality disorder. Every day was hell. And, of course, she accused me of being the crazy one.
We've been divorced for about 4 years now. In that time period, she's been arrested on nine separate occasions. So, I'm pretty sure, she was the one with the problem.
We've been divorced for about 4 years now. In that time period, she's been arrested on nine separate occasions. So, I'm pretty sure, she was the one with the problem.
Posted on 2/15/23 at 1:00 pm to RockyMtnTigerWDE
sounds like she's rubbing off on you, didn't misread or misinterpret, and I'm not preaching, you'll probably survive but the longer you let your kids exist in that environment the greater the chances of them being permanently fricked up, best of luck, adios
This post was edited on 2/15/23 at 1:01 pm
Posted on 2/15/23 at 1:00 pm to MyRockstarComplex
(no message)
This post was edited on 5/26/24 at 2:49 am
Posted on 2/15/23 at 1:01 pm to Masterag
quote:
my grandma and my mom begged him to get help for years, but it was always everybody else who was crazy and needed help. at no point did he ever acknowledge he had a problem. this culminated in him being so mad at his dad, who retired early to take care of me during the day so my parents could work and was my favorite person in the world, that i was not able to see him for the last six months of his life and we missed his last christmas on this earth.
Same thing happened here. My mother got pissed at my grandmother. We weren't allowed to go to the funeral. We were told that my grandmother was crazy and believed it for years.
quote:
i love my dad and he has really turned into a different guy later in life, but it wasn't till he was in his 50's did he begin to soften his edge. he still won't talk about some of the things i'm most haunted by, but out of respect for him as a dad and now grandpa, i don't think putting him through the ringer will serve any purpose. so, i choose to love him despite his flaws and have faith that he will be a loving grandpa to his grandkids. the rest is between him and god.
Exact same here.
Posted on 2/15/23 at 1:04 pm to TheRouxGuru
No I am not going to make it about me. I have been in this type of relationship and absolutely put gas on the fire when I left. It affected me and my children just like it will affect the OP and his children. Whether he stays or goes (many men choose to stay so the kids are not alone with mom because family court is notarious for giving custody to the mom) this is a very real issue he will deal with for a very long time.
*I did make a snarky comment that could have been left out so I am sorry if that detracted from the seriousness of the thread.
*I did make a snarky comment that could have been left out so I am sorry if that detracted from the seriousness of the thread.
Posted on 2/15/23 at 1:04 pm to Sam Quint
Just curious but how long did you date before marriage? Seems like a lot of posters here have first hand knowledge but where the signs not there before marriage? Not bashing, just curious. The RouxGuru pointed out they could be just assholes and I am wondering if some of these wives were great in the dating phase and then the switch turn in the marriage phase, that would mean they are aware of it, no?
Posted on 2/15/23 at 1:09 pm to notbilly
quote:
Maybe she had a bad therapist, maybe not. BPD isn't easily treatable. In fact, many therapists will tell you privately that the treatment isn't going to make your daughter better most likely. However, it could hopefully make her more self-aware and prevent it from getting worse. The worst kind of BPD person is one that doesn't know they are borderline. Those people are very difficult to be around. One minute they love-bomb you, but if you cross them in the smallest way they will want to slit your tires.
I understand this completely and never said it wasn't a real issue. I simply said I don't trust the diagnosis of my daughter.
I also said I feel the lifestyles most Americans are living are creating issues in people. The way they eat, drink, their activity levels, look at social media in general.
People go online and see their friends or family, or strangers posting things that would make you think they have a life of unicorns and rainbows and it causes them angst, depression, anxiety, damages self worth, etc.
I use social media, but it's easy to see its pros and the cons. The news, movies, shows, etc. Bombarding people with messaging that cause self degradation, and confusion, etc.
Yes, there are real mental issues that even medication cannot cure, or even subside, nor exercise, nor therapy, nor whatever else you can think of.
However, there is a lot of misdiagnosing taking place and medications being prescribed at an alarming rate.
We need to rip the stigma off of mental health and we need real focused diagnosis and not maybe's. TRUST me I know.
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