I Was a Jealous Partner Until I Went on a Swingers Vacation

quote:

---

If you told me a year ago that I'd watch my husband get a blowjob from a stranger and not feel jealous, I'd have laughed in your face. “Good job, honey,” says the naked firefighter to his wife. Their eyes are lovingly locked and I’m feeling a little left out. After all, I’m the one performing oral sex on him. She’s busy servicing my husband beside us.

---

quote:

---

Jealousy wasn’t the only thing I feared. As a recovered sex and porn addict who has written profusely on the subject, I’ve made one too many destructive decisions in my sexual past. Though my addiction had been curbed since meeting my husband, thanks to a combination of efforts buoyed by his support, would a salacious vacation reopen the wound?

---

quote:

---

Desire isn’t branded as a “swingers” resort. I later learn that their preferred description, “couples-only, clothing-optional,” is more inclusive of “vanilla couples” like us who could enjoy the fun without having to swap spit or any other body fluids with a stranger. Weeks later, we arrived in Cancun in the rain. A funny taxi driver drove us to the secluded Desire Pearl, where smiling staff members greeted us in the lobby with champagne and waivers. House rules included respecting their policy that “No Means No,” agreeing not to take photographs of other patrons, and only having public sex in designated areas like the hot tub and playroom.

---

quote:

---

Everyone was open and friendly in the hot tub, but it wasn’t a huge orgy as expected. Though I’m typically anxious in social situations, I felt at ease here. It’s refreshing what nudity adds to socializing. Like children who had not yet learned shame, people checked each other’s bodies out, tirelessly offered compliments, told jokes, and talked openly about their fantasies. Some of the conversations were ordinary too, ranging from jobs to neighborhoods—mostly white-collar and affluent, as the resort is not a budget one—and we were surprised by how many people talked about their children. Of the countless couples I talked to over the four days, we met only two without kids.

---

quote:

---

Another woman raved about buying her teenage daughter a vibrator for Christmas and the surge of pride she got when she saw the vibrator unwrapped and under her daughter’s bed.

---

quote:

---

Hours later, I’m going down on her husband and she’s going down on mine. Despite what she said about connection, the firefighter’s wife seems far more interested in her husband than mine, and I’m OK with this, though I do wonder if I’m doing a bad job. After we switch positions a few times, the firefighter says, “You guys want to try full swap?” Since I haven’t had an orgasm, I consider it, but I look to my husband first. He doesn’t say anything, just stares at me. Again, the decision’s mine, but I’m starting to feel uncomfortable with the responsibility. To buy time, I ask a question that I rarely ever asked at the height of my sexual addiction. “Do you guys have condoms?” They both shake their heads. I scan the room quickly. Surely, at a place like this, condoms would be as abundant as miniature bottles of shampoo. There doesn’t appear to be any around. I check the fridge, an odd last resort. My breathing slows and I feel the mood shift. The husband and wife settle into our bed to cuddle and chat and I nuzzle into my husband beside them, but I have no interest in chatting with them anymore.

---