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re: How good are you at forgiving others?
Posted on 1/29/15 at 8:44 pm to FightinTigersDammit
Posted on 1/29/15 at 8:44 pm to FightinTigersDammit
quote:
I can forgive, but I never forget, or totally trust that person again.
I was this way for a long time until I realized that I wasn't always perfect.
I'm not being smarmy, I realized that if everyone else used my old standard with me that I would still be punished for unwise shiite I'd done in the past.
I still remember past transgressions but I can trust those folks again eventually if they earn it.
Posted on 1/29/15 at 8:48 pm to soccerfüt
Either I can trust someone totally, or I can't. If I can't, I'd rather KNOW that I can't, and keep myself out of situations where my back is covered by someone I cannot trust.
But that's just me. And I've been called an a-hole.
But that's just me. And I've been called an a-hole.
Posted on 1/29/15 at 8:58 pm to FightinTigersDammit
I'm not calling you out, maybe eventually you'll modify your position on this issue.
Maybe not.
Maybe not.
Posted on 1/29/15 at 9:00 pm to mpar98
I forgive but dont put myself in position to be screwed over again
Posted on 1/29/15 at 9:02 pm to Tiguar
quote:
I forgive but dont put myself in position to be screwed over again
Exactly
Posted on 1/29/15 at 9:08 pm to mpar98
Was once horrible at it but something weird happened and now it's water under the bridge almost immediately. I have to be careful about being too apologetic for not locking my car and forcing some poor guy to steal from me.
It's almost that bad. But feels pretty good to be honest.
It's almost that bad. But feels pretty good to be honest.
Posted on 1/29/15 at 9:27 pm to mpar98
I thought I didn't hold grudges .... until 10 years ago. Due to the actions of 4 guys I lost in excess of $500k and my reputation was damages. My whole life changed. I've tried to forgive. It ain't working. I hate them more today than I did 10 years ago.
Posted on 1/29/15 at 9:29 pm to mpar98
I guess it depends how 'wronged' I was. I've never gotten to that point with anyone, so I can't really tell you how I'd react.
However, if it is something pretty minimal, I'm usually easy-going about forgiving and moving on.
However, if it is something pretty minimal, I'm usually easy-going about forgiving and moving on.
Posted on 1/29/15 at 10:22 pm to VetteGuy
quote:I guess we need to define terms here. Forgive meaning I can stand to be in the same room and act appropriately, or meaning I will like you as before and put out all negative thoughts?
You don't forgive 'em because they deserve it, you forgive 'em because you deserve it.
Posted on 1/29/15 at 10:38 pm to mpar98
frick em...They are dead to me.
Posted on 1/30/15 at 8:52 am to USMCTiger03
Tolerate being in the same room with them.
More importantly, the thought of revenge doesn't dominate your own thoughts. That's the main point, being able to move on.
More importantly, the thought of revenge doesn't dominate your own thoughts. That's the main point, being able to move on.
Posted on 1/30/15 at 8:58 am to Paige
quote:
But I'll likely tell someone when they piss me off before I get over it
Are you a sassy, overweight, black lady? If so, pics?
Posted on 1/30/15 at 8:59 am to Redbone
quote:
I thought I didn't hold grudges .... until 10 years ago. Due to the actions of 4 guys I lost in excess of $500k and my reputation was damages. My whole life changed. I've tried to forgive. It ain't working. I hate them more today than I did 10 years ago.
go on...
Posted on 1/30/15 at 8:59 am to mpar98
I forgive every motherfricking shitbag who's ever fricked me over. k?
Posted on 1/30/15 at 9:12 am to soccerfüt
quote:
I realized that if everyone else used my old standard with me that I would still be punished for unwise shiite I'd done in the past.
This is really the thing. People make mistakes. If it was an accident or something that a person regrets that you are holding a grudge about then the whole thing is really pointless.
If the person is dangerous and/or generally dishonest and a user then you either should have never associated with that person in the first place, and it's your fault for not recognizing that anyway. Or they hid it from you, and you learned that you shouldn't associate with that person. Either way, holding a grudge doesn't really accomplish anything. It's better to concentrate on something that will acutally improve your situation.
It kind of seems to me that the people who hold grudges might also be the type of people who think that things are always happening to them. They might be the type of people who are reluctant to take accountability for their own actions. You are more likely to forgive or simply move on when you see your own role in your situation.
It also helps to concentrate on what can actually be done about a situation rather than just thinking about who's wrong.
Posted on 1/30/15 at 9:13 am to mpar98
It depends..sometimes shite happens and sometimes people are malicious fricking counts. Much easier to move on from the former than the latter.
Posted on 1/30/15 at 9:14 am to Tiger n Miami AU83
quote:
Tiger n Miami AU83
Well said.
Posted on 1/30/15 at 9:16 am to NoHoTiger
quote:
sometimes people are malicious fricking counts
i have no room in my life for these people
morning noho
Posted on 1/30/15 at 9:16 am to mpar98
quote:
Those that have wronged you...do you let it go after a while or is it a scorched Earth/cut them out and move on gameplan with them? Or somewhere in between?
I'd say I'm prettttty damned good at it for obvious reasons.
Posted on 1/30/15 at 9:20 am to Topwater Trout
Hey Trout Life's too short to deal with the meanies. I prefer to focus on those I like and who like me back.
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