re: How can you cope with the loss of a parent?

It takes time, you will heal, I too encourage you to find a grief recovery support group or a professional counselor. Memories hurt but they also heal
Please share about your dad. Praying for you. I have been there

There is no right answer, its different for everyone. I can tell you what doesn't work, bottling it up, ignoring your grief and pretending it's not there.

I lost my dad Thanksgiving 2018, then my mom 4 months later in March 2019. They were both in their 50s. I was a young, not prepared. I thought I had time left. I thought my son would get to have his grandparents. I grew resentful of people around me who had their parents, because poor me. Not poor my parents, poor me. It was pitiful.

The only thing that helped wasn't only talking about it, but also just finally accepting it. Getting over my resentment at them for dying, at God for taking them from me. And just accepting death happens. We are all just matters of energy that weren't meant to be here forever. It is what it is. Sounds cold. I still get sad and have bad days but they are easier to come back from.

I look for them in signs in the world. I use Cardinals, like many others, as a sign of them visiting me. I also got some small cardinal tattoos as little memorials of them I can look at when I want to remember them or my sister.

You really don't. My mom died about 20 years ago and I went off the rails. She was the conscience that kept me in line.

I was an alcoholic, got a divorce, shacked up with a 21 year old and I was in my younger 30s, then I was just drinking and chasing skirts for several years.

I really dont know how I performed in the military during that period.

Grief counseling helps. I still struggle to look at a picture of my father and it has been almost 9 years. I do a session here and there for maintenance

I have not lost my parents, but have lost a child - - so I know how some losses are very difficult to manage. Let me share with you what a friend told me about the loss of his dad - - - he said, a parents primary motivation in life is to ensure their children are OK. That is why they teach us all they know - - from skills to morality - - to arm us for the day they will no longer be here. The best way to learn to cope with the loss of a parent is to be the living embodiment of that legacy. Let your father live in you - - in your actions - - you decisions - - your happiness - - and the way you handle adversity. Do it so well that people will ask " How do you do it" and take that opportuniy to tell them about your dad. Be everything he wanted you to be - - and yes, he wanted you to be your own person - - he just wanted you to become the best version of that person. Talk to him as you embrace this change - - laugh with him - -continue to ask his advice - - I promise, you will hear his answer, because good fathers give us all the answers before we even know to ask the question. You will never " get over it" but you will learn a health way to live without him standing by your side. You can do this - - because your father sounds like the type of man who equipped you for this day. Make him proud.

This year marks 20 years since I lost my dad and 5 since I lost my mom.
My dad was truly my best friend. He made such an impact on every aspect of my life.
My mom, not so much. We were close when I was younger, but we drifted over the years.
It was tougher losing my dad than my mom. The first few years were hard. But I think that’s an indication of the influence he had on me.
As far as coping, you just do. Realize there will be ups and downs, good days and bad, but if you keep them in your heart, you’ll never truly lose them.

quote:

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You know what else is weird? Realizing you’re closer to the end as well. It hit harder for me after my dad died.

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The existential fear is real. It has taken me about 5 years to adjust. Cope by knowing that how I spend my time and energy is mostly under my control and one should not waste either one. I do miss my father every single day and am eternally grateful for having him as a father.

Believe it or not I got into the music of the Grateful Dead as way to cope with the loss of my mother.

Their songs (many are story’s) bring a sense of peace and calm to me.

It really helped because may of their songs are designed to be identified with on emotional level.

Try it, it can’t hurt.

I did this at 16. It sucked. I became anorexic as a kid because I couldn’t handle the stress.

All you can do is push through. It takes time. There is no cure. I’m sorry for your loss man. Keep your chin up and stay busy.

One doesn’t “cope”, gotta simply pull on your pants and get back to life.

Life isn’t waiting for anyone to cope, it just keeps going.