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re: Have women bitten off more than they can chew w/(family courts/marriage/divorce)
Posted on 1/27/23 at 10:45 am to kingbob
Posted on 1/27/23 at 10:45 am to kingbob
I understand that, but it doesn't make it correct. The woman initiating divorce doesn't inherently make the man innocent or even the lesser of the two evils.
2
Posted on 1/27/23 at 10:47 am to burger bearcat
Men are smarter now...frick that marriage we divorce you take all my shite bullshite
Posted on 1/27/23 at 10:47 am to ShoeBang
I think the problem women are facing today is that they are seeking unconditional love from men who actually are giving them that same conditional love that women offer to men who aren’t their children. Meanwhile, women eschew unconditional love to chase that perfect insta life while government gives them that financial safety net. Comparison is the thief of joy.
This post was edited on 1/27/23 at 10:49 am
Posted on 1/27/23 at 10:49 am to Displaced
quote:
I agree with all of that. I'm just pointing out the common delusion in the divorce posts on TD that the blame the ex wife for everything with absolutely 0 self reflection.
So Society and the Media blame men for 99.99999% of relationship problems, every commercial on television has the theme "Men bad, woman good" and you're melting over a single thread on a sports message board where men come to vent about being overly vilified ?
Posted on 1/27/23 at 10:50 am to kingbob
I think even that is only part of it.
People in general today are fat, lazy pieces of shite who are unwilling to put in the work to take care of themselves, let alone a marriage/family.
People in general today are fat, lazy pieces of shite who are unwilling to put in the work to take care of themselves, let alone a marriage/family.
Posted on 1/27/23 at 10:51 am to oogabooga68
quote:
a single thread on a sports message board where men come to vent about being overly vilified
you new here or something? I'm not melting at all. I'm trying to bring neutrality into the he-man/woman-haters club.
This post was edited on 1/27/23 at 10:53 am
Posted on 1/27/23 at 10:53 am to kingbob
quote:
The women wanting a wedding more than a marriage is a phenomenon which I experienced personally at great physical, emotional, and financial cost. I spent almost my entire 20’s with a woman who basically gave up on me almost as soon as the wedding reception was over.
Seems to be happening to someone close to me now :/ Hard to tell if that's really it or not.
But my thing is -- Assuming your parents gave you the wedding, why would you want to waste it on the person that's not your forever person? Like, they're probably not giving you another wedding.
If you have doubts prior to the wedding, seems smarter to call it off and have the big wedding with your "right" person later than to have it with the wrong person now. What a waste of money.
Posted on 1/27/23 at 10:53 am to EZE Tiger Fan
quote:
Let's also not forget the lawyers. Lawyers are literally the only people who benefit from a divorce. Yeah, a woman will get paid off, but in the end, a huge chunk of that goes to the lawyer too.
Literally one of my pitches
Posted on 1/27/23 at 10:55 am to Displaced
I think part of it is a difference in expectations for what a marriage is, what it should be, and what it takes to be willing to end one.
Perhaps men have a poor mindset for what should be expected of them in marriage, and fail to live up to a benchmark that they either choose not to live uo to or don’t even know is there. Perhaps women have an unrealistic expectation for their men, causing those men to not be capable of adhering to a standard they didn’t set. Perhaps the issue is a lack of communication, where neither side is properly making their needs and expectations clear.
What is clear is that men seem to be happier in marriage than women because women are the ones ending those marriages, and it isn’t that the man was cheating on them or beating them most of the time.
Men seem to think that it’s enough to not cheat on their spouse, not hit them, make enough money to provide for the family, occasionally buy their partner gifts, take the kid to and from their after-school activities, volunteer at church, do a significant share of household chores, etc. However, apparently, that isn’t enough because women are, in high volumes, divorcing men who do all of these things.
The reality is that men and women do not have the same expectations for marriage, aren’t adequately resolving those differences in expectations, and aren’t working together to fix them, in part, because women are financially incentivized to end marriages while men are punished for doing so.
Perhaps men have a poor mindset for what should be expected of them in marriage, and fail to live up to a benchmark that they either choose not to live uo to or don’t even know is there. Perhaps women have an unrealistic expectation for their men, causing those men to not be capable of adhering to a standard they didn’t set. Perhaps the issue is a lack of communication, where neither side is properly making their needs and expectations clear.
What is clear is that men seem to be happier in marriage than women because women are the ones ending those marriages, and it isn’t that the man was cheating on them or beating them most of the time.
Men seem to think that it’s enough to not cheat on their spouse, not hit them, make enough money to provide for the family, occasionally buy their partner gifts, take the kid to and from their after-school activities, volunteer at church, do a significant share of household chores, etc. However, apparently, that isn’t enough because women are, in high volumes, divorcing men who do all of these things.
The reality is that men and women do not have the same expectations for marriage, aren’t adequately resolving those differences in expectations, and aren’t working together to fix them, in part, because women are financially incentivized to end marriages while men are punished for doing so.
Posted on 1/27/23 at 10:56 am to kingbob
quote:
The women wanting a wedding more than a marriage is a phenomenon which I experienced personally at great physical, emotional, and financial cost. I spent almost my entire 20’s with a woman who basically gave up on me almost as soon as the wedding reception was over.
I actually witnessed this years ago. (It was not my wedding)
Posted on 1/27/23 at 10:58 am to kingbob
I agree with most of that.
quote:#1 issue, imo.
Perhaps the issue is a lack of communication, where neither side is properly making their needs and expectations clear.
quote:I'm with you to this point
Men seem to think that it’s enough to not cheat on their spouse, not hit them,
quote:this is the part I do not believe.
occasionally buy their partner gifts, take the kid to and from their after-school activities, volunteer at church, do a significant share of household chores, etc. However, apparently, that isn’t enough because women are, in high volumes, divorcing men who do all of these things.
Posted on 1/27/23 at 10:59 am to lsu xman
quote:
The non-married ones will complain about everything under the sun.
Women think life is like a Friends or Sex in the City episode.
Men think life is like a porn flick.
Posted on 1/27/23 at 11:04 am to RogerTheShrubber
Or, maybe men just see it as idle complaining because men don’t understand that it’s how women communicate intimacy. Women have to talk. They have to release all of their thoughts into a stream of conversation in order to process their emotions. This often includes a lot of complaining, but it’s more than that.
Women communicate and build intimacy through conversations. Conversation is the end, not a tool. For men, conversation is mostly a means to an end. Once you understand that a woman is complaining to you because she trusts you and wants to be closer to you rather than because she’s disagreeable or annoying, everything makes so much more sense. She’s literally giving you all of the information you need to make her happy and feel supported. It’s your job t sift through it and find the relevant pieces. When you do that and act on it, she’ll think you “read her mind”. You don’t have to read it when she is literally giving you her whole mind every day. You just have to learn how to properly filter, which takes time and training, believe me. It’s a simple task, but not an easy one. Women assume it comes standard and resent men when it doesn’t.
Also, the person they vent the most to will have the most control over them whether that ends up being a single best friend, a bitter devorcee, their significant other, mom, gay bestie, or coworker. If you are in a relationship, you should want to be the one on the receiving end of their daily vent so you can be actively anticipating problems and guiding her towards a closer relationship with you. Otherwise, you might have her being influenced by a toxic friend who hates relationships and encourages her to only see your faults so they can be miserable and single together. Or worse, she’ll be venting to Jody.
Women communicate and build intimacy through conversations. Conversation is the end, not a tool. For men, conversation is mostly a means to an end. Once you understand that a woman is complaining to you because she trusts you and wants to be closer to you rather than because she’s disagreeable or annoying, everything makes so much more sense. She’s literally giving you all of the information you need to make her happy and feel supported. It’s your job t sift through it and find the relevant pieces. When you do that and act on it, she’ll think you “read her mind”. You don’t have to read it when she is literally giving you her whole mind every day. You just have to learn how to properly filter, which takes time and training, believe me. It’s a simple task, but not an easy one. Women assume it comes standard and resent men when it doesn’t.
Also, the person they vent the most to will have the most control over them whether that ends up being a single best friend, a bitter devorcee, their significant other, mom, gay bestie, or coworker. If you are in a relationship, you should want to be the one on the receiving end of their daily vent so you can be actively anticipating problems and guiding her towards a closer relationship with you. Otherwise, you might have her being influenced by a toxic friend who hates relationships and encourages her to only see your faults so they can be miserable and single together. Or worse, she’ll be venting to Jody.
This post was edited on 1/27/23 at 11:12 am
Posted on 1/27/23 at 11:05 am to Displaced
quote:
he-man/woman-haters club.
That exists only in your mind.
We love women who aren't garbage human beings....
Posted on 1/27/23 at 11:09 am to tigerbandpiccolo
quote:
breadwinner money
What is "breadwinner money"?
Posted on 1/27/23 at 11:09 am to kingbob
quote:
I spent almost my entire 20’s with a woman who basically gave up on me almost as soon as the wedding reception was over.
From the time they are toddlers, women are bombarded with Wedding trope "my special day" bullshite.
Many take the bait and spend their lives looking for a "prop" to stand beside them on "their day".
Sorry you went thru this.
Posted on 1/27/23 at 11:10 am to Displaced
quote:
this is the part I do not believe.
Based on what?
Posted on 1/27/23 at 11:12 am to kingbob
quote:
Once you understand that a woman is complaining to you because she trusts you and wants to be closer to you rather than because she’s disagreeable or annoying, everything makes so much more sense.
Pretty much. If a woman trusts you to bare her emotions, she's not trying to run you off.
A perfect relationship is the yin/yang scenario where partners strengths make up for the others weakness, and both understand that.
Most people get their ideas of the other sex from internet and tv, instead of actually taking and communicating together.
Posted on 1/27/23 at 11:12 am to oogabooga68
quote:
delivered with all the subtlety of a jack-hammer.
Posted on 1/27/23 at 11:14 am to burger bearcat
quote:
I understand all the reasons. But it still sad to me that our government and court systems seem to almost be encouraging young people from having families. And scaring men away from marriage due to the "rigged" nature of how divorce turns out
If you're deciding factor on getting married is how costly a divorce is then you shouldn't consider marrying that person. Destined for failure if you are already considering that consequence.
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