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re: Have Any of You Married a Cluster B Personality Disorder (Narcissistic, Borderline,etc)?
Posted on 6/26/24 at 3:44 pm to amyheartslsu
Posted on 6/26/24 at 3:44 pm to amyheartslsu
quote:My ex-gf told me she had a BPD diagnosis but refused to accept it. She did accept a bipolar diagnosis.
do none of you have experience dating etc someone who has told you they are borderline?
1
Posted on 6/26/24 at 3:44 pm to el Gaucho
quote:
Kind of strange that the mental illness thread has all the women in it
Posted on 6/26/24 at 3:50 pm to tigerbandpiccolo
quote:
Consider it paying it forward as LSUpimp did for me years ago.
That means more to me than you know. I’m so glad that I could be of service to you.There is one story in particular that you told me that I’ve never been able to get out of my head and I’m so glad you’re free of him.
Now the only thing left is to organize a hit squad to take out all the flying monkeys, lol.
Posted on 6/26/24 at 3:50 pm to el Gaucho
Bro, this isn’t a gender specific thread.
Posted on 6/26/24 at 3:51 pm to Gravitiger
(no message)
This post was edited on 7/19/24 at 8:05 am
Posted on 6/26/24 at 4:03 pm to Lsupimp
The one where I was drugged in Baton Rouge? That one tops the list, but honestly isn’t even the worst, and that’s pretty scary.
Luckily because of how I’ve stayed the straight and honest narrow, most folks around our area and within the circles wouldn’t believe the flying monkeys if he tried anymore. I am not without fault by any stretch, though my nickname some friends use for me is Mother Theresa.
one of our marriage pastors even told me she may very well have already killed him, and that’s saying something. She said he was possessed by demons and she saw it the first time we met.
I know I’ve said this several times but I couldn’t have done this without a literal army who never gave up on me, no matter how many times I went back. An older female neighbor was in a very abusive marriage when she was young, so she recognized things within a few months of us moving in. She has been my spiritual mother/sister and understood what was happening, even when I didn’t. She took me in many nights when I couldn’t think straight from the stress and trauma/tears. I would cry so much that I’d end up vomiting. I could feel my body completely breaking.
My friends organized my entire move, from movers, packing, handling all the details, packing my house, etc. They needed my energy to be at work and my kids, and they did the rest. I have no clue how I could ever repay these people—and when I ask, all they say is they want me to heal so that my light can shine again. I nearly cry just typing it. I am so grateful.
Luckily because of how I’ve stayed the straight and honest narrow, most folks around our area and within the circles wouldn’t believe the flying monkeys if he tried anymore. I am not without fault by any stretch, though my nickname some friends use for me is Mother Theresa.
one of our marriage pastors even told me she may very well have already killed him, and that’s saying something. She said he was possessed by demons and she saw it the first time we met. I know I’ve said this several times but I couldn’t have done this without a literal army who never gave up on me, no matter how many times I went back. An older female neighbor was in a very abusive marriage when she was young, so she recognized things within a few months of us moving in. She has been my spiritual mother/sister and understood what was happening, even when I didn’t. She took me in many nights when I couldn’t think straight from the stress and trauma/tears. I would cry so much that I’d end up vomiting. I could feel my body completely breaking.
My friends organized my entire move, from movers, packing, handling all the details, packing my house, etc. They needed my energy to be at work and my kids, and they did the rest. I have no clue how I could ever repay these people—and when I ask, all they say is they want me to heal so that my light can shine again. I nearly cry just typing it. I am so grateful.
This post was edited on 6/26/24 at 4:06 pm
Posted on 6/26/24 at 4:04 pm to tigerbandpiccolo
Oh wow it’s tough reading what I wrote in that thread. I was grappling with the reactive person I had become. I can see it was a very different place than I am now. That was the worst year of my life. Like being in an industrial dryer with a load of bricks.
Walking on eggshells means having pre- anxiety about everything. You have to go through every angle of how that person will react before, during and after every event of your life. You dread running into an old friend or interacting with family because you know the narcissist will flip out or give you a week of silence. It’s all so primitive. And like a fool you think your rational message will eventually get through to them, lol. So everyone reaches a point of continuing to crazy fish or cut bait.I cut bait and prospered. And my narcissism radar has been pretty solid.
Walking on eggshells means having pre- anxiety about everything. You have to go through every angle of how that person will react before, during and after every event of your life. You dread running into an old friend or interacting with family because you know the narcissist will flip out or give you a week of silence. It’s all so primitive. And like a fool you think your rational message will eventually get through to them, lol. So everyone reaches a point of continuing to crazy fish or cut bait.I cut bait and prospered. And my narcissism radar has been pretty solid.
Posted on 6/26/24 at 4:05 pm to tigerbandpiccolo
quote:
The one where I was drugged in Baton Rouge?
Yep. That’s it. Unbelievable.
Posted on 6/26/24 at 4:06 pm to Lsupimp
Here. This.
It's Tuesday. Just a regular day. Nothing going on. You come home from work and it starts.
She has isses with Melissa (co-worker #462) at the job she's been on 2 weeks.
You're just trying to get through to the end of this petty conversation (one that is had 2-3 times a week since you've gotten together) so you can get a plate of food and watch the game for a little while. But she just yaps and yaps and yaps about how bad Melissa is.
And it's 1st grade level stuff.
Truth is - its's your girl that's the problem at job #462.
Now - depending on where you are in the relationship, how many weeks or years you've been at it with this Borderline will determine how long you last in this conversation.
But, the minute you don't take their side - all hell breaks loose. It's World War III in your house...
It's Tuesday. Just a regular day. Nothing going on. You come home from work and it starts.
She has isses with Melissa (co-worker #462) at the job she's been on 2 weeks.
You're just trying to get through to the end of this petty conversation (one that is had 2-3 times a week since you've gotten together) so you can get a plate of food and watch the game for a little while. But she just yaps and yaps and yaps about how bad Melissa is.
And it's 1st grade level stuff.
Truth is - its's your girl that's the problem at job #462.
Now - depending on where you are in the relationship, how many weeks or years you've been at it with this Borderline will determine how long you last in this conversation.
But, the minute you don't take their side - all hell breaks loose. It's World War III in your house...
Posted on 6/26/24 at 4:11 pm to wheelz007
Borderlines turn on everyone. That's how every relationship ends.
They stay on you about helping them, blaming you until they over-step their boundaries and you (or whomever else) calls them out.
The most sacred relationships in the world - your parents; children, etc.... doesn't matter to them. They can sever ties over the most petty of issues.
Everything they say and do is justified.
You will NEVER get an apoligy for their behavior, insults or anything.
There is no way you can speak to them, or get through to them to effect, change or impact their behavior. They are who they are...
There is no accountability. Or change. Ever.
They stay on you about helping them, blaming you until they over-step their boundaries and you (or whomever else) calls them out.
The most sacred relationships in the world - your parents; children, etc.... doesn't matter to them. They can sever ties over the most petty of issues.
Everything they say and do is justified.
You will NEVER get an apoligy for their behavior, insults or anything.
There is no way you can speak to them, or get through to them to effect, change or impact their behavior. They are who they are...
There is no accountability. Or change. Ever.
Posted on 6/26/24 at 4:12 pm to Lsupimp
It’s a constant evolution. I took up journaling in the last year, and it’s actually been so healing just to go back and read where I’ve been versus where I’m at. Progress can feel so slow and sometimes I feel just as messy as before, but when I go back and read I realize how far I’ve come. My entries are more or less letters to God, so they’re both prayers and documentation of my life.
I stopped drinking a year and a half ago because I wanted complete clarity every day. I needed to see what was happening without any blurring or numbing. I’m sure I’ll look back at this down the road and feel sad for where I’m at today… but for today, I am so proud of myself. I can’t wait to see what God has in store for me and my babies! Since leaving, more miracles have happened in a few months than ever in my life. Life has just fallen into place whereas before, everything seemed to be a struggle. Nothing ever fell into place.
I believe we are always evolving but we cannot truly grow and become who we were created to be in abusive relationships.
I stopped drinking a year and a half ago because I wanted complete clarity every day. I needed to see what was happening without any blurring or numbing. I’m sure I’ll look back at this down the road and feel sad for where I’m at today… but for today, I am so proud of myself. I can’t wait to see what God has in store for me and my babies! Since leaving, more miracles have happened in a few months than ever in my life. Life has just fallen into place whereas before, everything seemed to be a struggle. Nothing ever fell into place.
I believe we are always evolving but we cannot truly grow and become who we were created to be in abusive relationships.
Posted on 6/26/24 at 4:28 pm to Hussss
you buy a used copy of the DSM V on amazon baw?
Posted on 6/26/24 at 4:29 pm to wheelz007
this is true if the person is not getting treatment.
Posted on 6/26/24 at 7:03 pm to tigerbandpiccolo
Not sure if my ex is Cluster B, but, she had an affair with a 5 alarm Narcissistic Bunny Boiler that nearly destroyed all of our lives.
June 2008 - her 50 year old, homeless, alcoholic, unemployed, no teeth second cousin (not a Bama fan) is kicked off his dad’s horse farm and ex an I agree to let him live in a doublewide on our horse farm, she was 34 at the time.
July 25th, 2008 - I get snipped, planned and discussed for about a year
July 28th, 2008- she blindsides me asking for a divorce. No real reason, just I Love You But Not In Love With You. I would later learn this is on p1 of cheating wives handbook and means she banged someone else. Her identical twin, who she talks to every day for two hours had no clue. Her twin practically knew every time the X and I were intimate, that’s how close and how much they were in each other’s lives.
I’m emotionally shattered. I’m confiding in the second cousin. Each day she invents another crime that I committed to the point that she thought I was molesting the kids. Two weeks later, I catch them in bed.
Nothing violent happens, I just take a picture and send it to her sister, mom, and dad.
Here’s the scorecard over the next 13 years until the dude died. She was a scumbag during that time:
-she and I each had a suicide attempt
- our son had an inpatient mental health stay
- our daughter had weird psychogenic episodes
- she barely talked to her sister the entire time
- over 50 child abuse claims filed by her against me across 3 states every single one dismissed as no evidence found.
- the dude was arrested three times that I know of for assaulting her. She always told the court the cop lied in the police report. Charges dropped
- March 2017 after son’s inpatient stay, safety plan is to call social services if son is getting angry. Son has episode, ex isn’t home, dude and son get in fight, son has bruising on his neck, and is missing hair. CPS report filed, ex blames son. Report dropped. Ummmm, dude also signed safety plan but never called them.
- April 2018, she and the dude get in a scary fight, now 15 year old son jumps into the fray to defend his mom. Dude is arrested for assault against ex and my son. Dude is out of the house due to non-contact order. Ex and I get along over the next few months.
-June 2018 dude pleads down to avoid jail time
-August 2018, ex moved dude back into house
- October 2018 - I am awarded sole legal custody of the kids, she only has supervised visitation. During the hearing, ex blames my jelousy of dude and my son for the train wreck of her household. Judge not impressed
- late 2020, dude has aneurysm leaving him a vegetable. Peak COVID, ex stays in the hospital for 3 months keeping vigil. Since its peak COVID, hospital says she can’t come back if she leaves. She stays in the hospital for 90 days, quits her job, almost loses her house. Dude croaks.
Nearly as soon as he died, it’s like a switch flipped and she acts like the person I married. Three years later we get along great, but I look at her and wonder “who are you?”
June 2008 - her 50 year old, homeless, alcoholic, unemployed, no teeth second cousin (not a Bama fan) is kicked off his dad’s horse farm and ex an I agree to let him live in a doublewide on our horse farm, she was 34 at the time.
July 25th, 2008 - I get snipped, planned and discussed for about a year
July 28th, 2008- she blindsides me asking for a divorce. No real reason, just I Love You But Not In Love With You. I would later learn this is on p1 of cheating wives handbook and means she banged someone else. Her identical twin, who she talks to every day for two hours had no clue. Her twin practically knew every time the X and I were intimate, that’s how close and how much they were in each other’s lives.
I’m emotionally shattered. I’m confiding in the second cousin. Each day she invents another crime that I committed to the point that she thought I was molesting the kids. Two weeks later, I catch them in bed.
Nothing violent happens, I just take a picture and send it to her sister, mom, and dad.
Here’s the scorecard over the next 13 years until the dude died. She was a scumbag during that time:
-she and I each had a suicide attempt
- our son had an inpatient mental health stay
- our daughter had weird psychogenic episodes
- she barely talked to her sister the entire time
- over 50 child abuse claims filed by her against me across 3 states every single one dismissed as no evidence found.
- the dude was arrested three times that I know of for assaulting her. She always told the court the cop lied in the police report. Charges dropped
- March 2017 after son’s inpatient stay, safety plan is to call social services if son is getting angry. Son has episode, ex isn’t home, dude and son get in fight, son has bruising on his neck, and is missing hair. CPS report filed, ex blames son. Report dropped. Ummmm, dude also signed safety plan but never called them.
- April 2018, she and the dude get in a scary fight, now 15 year old son jumps into the fray to defend his mom. Dude is arrested for assault against ex and my son. Dude is out of the house due to non-contact order. Ex and I get along over the next few months.
-June 2018 dude pleads down to avoid jail time
-August 2018, ex moved dude back into house
- October 2018 - I am awarded sole legal custody of the kids, she only has supervised visitation. During the hearing, ex blames my jelousy of dude and my son for the train wreck of her household. Judge not impressed
- late 2020, dude has aneurysm leaving him a vegetable. Peak COVID, ex stays in the hospital for 3 months keeping vigil. Since its peak COVID, hospital says she can’t come back if she leaves. She stays in the hospital for 90 days, quits her job, almost loses her house. Dude croaks.
Nearly as soon as he died, it’s like a switch flipped and she acts like the person I married. Three years later we get along great, but I look at her and wonder “who are you?”
This post was edited on 6/26/24 at 7:04 pm
Posted on 6/26/24 at 7:15 pm to tigerbandpiccolo
I am years removed now. I have changed churches, jobs, moved, married someone else. It feels like 2 different people comparing the people who knew me with husband 1 and the ones who know me with husband 2. It is so awesome to be able to help others now and pay it forward like pimp did and you did. Being single with so many kids is hard and it causes you to go back many times. For any other moms who may be reading this- the #1 thing my kids as adults are angry about is that I did not leave sooner. You always hear that kids need both parents in the home, divorce is bad if you are a Christian, etc etc etc. In my case my kids just wanted peace, calm, and safety. There was no way to give them that with me staying married to their dad.
Posted on 6/26/24 at 7:25 pm to madamsquirrel
quote:
In my case my kids just wanted peace, calm, and safety. There was no way to give them that with me staying married to their dad.
Works awesome for a woman, a man has to live with the fact that he may be leaving his kids with a monster
Posted on 6/26/24 at 7:50 pm to tigerbandpiccolo
quote:
Trauma bonds
Oh yeah .. a recipe for enmeshment. I treat psychiatric disorders but had so much cognitive dissonance that I couldn’t see it unfolding in my own life. Makes me feel like such a fool. The hardest part is balancing giving grace with boundaries and knowing when enough is enough. When you come from a broken home the last thing you want to do is recreate that for your children but it’s necessary at some point.
How old are your kids now? And how was that adjustment coparenting? Mine are 3 and 6 and I want to just do right by them
Posted on 6/26/24 at 7:59 pm to tigerbandpiccolo
quote:
I am working through the shame I feel. Four kids, divorced.
Shame? Nobody would think you should feel shame. We should feel shame when we are guilty of Intentional Wrongdoing - when we know that something is wrong, but we do it anyway, because we seek to enjoy some benefit arising from the wrongful act.
Enduring cruelty is heroic and not in the least shameful. Were the Holy Martyrs who were executed by the Roman Empire shamed then or now? No, and that's my point.
Posted on 6/26/24 at 8:21 pm to Champagne
Bookmarking so I can add to this thread. I've been through it all.
Posted on 6/26/24 at 8:33 pm to bamaguy17
quote:
Works awesome for a woman, a man has to live with the fact that he may be leaving his kids with a monster
Eh not really. Mine are about to be around a revolving door of whores. I just hope to befriend them quickly bc they will eventually become my allies my young children (very young, an infant and a toddler) will be pawned off on. And I’m sure I’ll eventually end up helping them understand no, they’re not crazy. And all the bad things they once believed about me, they’ll realize were a huge lie. I had that shattering moment within a year of being married.
It’s not sunshine and rainbows for me on that side of things, but like I said earlier… my home is a place of peace and safety now. And that couldn’t be said at all for the last 14 years of my life. Or honestly… EVER.
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