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re: Has anyone here ever moved away from home after getting married and have kids?
Posted on 5/30/24 at 11:50 am to BeldarConehead
Posted on 5/30/24 at 11:50 am to BeldarConehead
quote:
She means "establish a close relationship with like I had"
I get it and it wasn't lost on me, but you also nailed it that you don't make huge life decisions under the condition she is in. Being highly out of whack hormonally and emotional due to pregnancy, is not a great time to consider such a major move.
I would suggest offering to consider her proposal within two years after giving birth. Allow time for adjusting with the new addition and all of the other dynamics of family, etc.
1
Posted on 5/30/24 at 11:53 am to madamsquirrel
quote:
We drive a long time to see our grandchildren. The one that lives 7.5 hours away would be regional to regional so we do not fly.
The other set of grandparents live 20 minutes away and rarely see the grandchild. Luckily there are some wonderful aunts and cousins who help out/give the parents a break.
See this is what my friend was saying. People like my MIL and you seem to not be normal. To me, I thought everyone did this. Its how I grew up and I'm really close with mine. I had no idea this was not normal. My grandpa is almost 70 and up until Covid still travels to see and will work me into his trips, and I visit him in MT. And we talk on the phone pretty regularly.
Posted on 5/30/24 at 12:01 pm to finchmeister08
You have to think about what's really bothering you. It's not like you picked Indiana. You were basically forced there at the whim of your company. Seems like a weird hill to die on considering it wasn't your choice.
Why not make a move to a place within reasonable driving distance of the grandparents?
Why not make a move to a place within reasonable driving distance of the grandparents?
Posted on 5/30/24 at 12:04 pm to finchmeister08
I moved away from LA after LSU graduation and never looked back. Was 11 years away from LSU days before the first kid. I never intend to move back to LA.
My wife’s parents lived in DFW during when our kids were really young and it was great. They have since moved and it does kind of suck to not have any close family nearby (mine included). Home is where you make it and we have a close network of friends who help us out in a jam (and vice versa).
My wife’s parents lived in DFW during when our kids were really young and it was great. They have since moved and it does kind of suck to not have any close family nearby (mine included). Home is where you make it and we have a close network of friends who help us out in a jam (and vice versa).
Posted on 5/30/24 at 12:10 pm to finchmeister08
My kids have never lived in Louisiana. They actually like their cousins in Louisiana more than their ones in Florida but it would be such a downgrade in all aspects of life otherwise. I’ve offered to build a mother in law suite for family here in Florida for extended visits with no takers.
This post was edited on 5/30/24 at 12:11 pm
Posted on 5/30/24 at 12:23 pm to finchmeister08
Dothan AL > Ft Wayne IN
Posted on 5/30/24 at 12:33 pm to junkyard1
quote:
Dothan AL > Ft Wayne IN
Posted on 5/30/24 at 12:35 pm to finchmeister08
So a job search for both of you wherever home is and see how bad it is right now.
Stay put and put your foot down
Stay put and put your foot down
Posted on 5/30/24 at 12:40 pm to finchmeister08
quote:
she wants to be closer to home because "we have no one here to help us and our child won't get to know it's grandparents".
She is right. Having no grandparents to help is a HUGE strain. How will your jobs feel if you have to miss time or WFH every time the kids gets sick (and kids get sick ALOT)? How will they feel when one of you has to leave work early to get the kids from daycare/school? Maybe you find a daycare that'll keep your kids until 6:00, would you rather your kid with a grandparent or at a daycare until you get off?
I am not saying yall have to move, just noting some of the things that come up with kids and that you should really consider.
Posted on 5/30/24 at 12:44 pm to JellyRoll
quote:
I would suggest offering to consider her proposal within two years after giving birth
Except that right after the child is born is when she will need the most help. First time mothers often lean on their mothers to guide them in the first few weeks/months.
Her concerns are real and should be considered.
Posted on 5/30/24 at 12:44 pm to junkyard1
quote:
Dothan AL > Ft Wayne IN
As much as I think that the city of Dothan is the most boring mid--city in Alabama, its close to the beach, and beautiful springs, creeks, and rivers, and if you like hunting then there is plenty to do.
I know little to nothing about Fort Wayne.
Posted on 5/30/24 at 12:47 pm to LSURep864
quote:
Most Boomers are such absent grandparents you aren’t missing much.
I'm not seeing that at all.
Posted on 5/30/24 at 12:49 pm to jizzle6609
quote:
There are a lot of weak folks in this world that need to be near mommy.
Wanting to be near family doesn't make a person weak. Just like depriving yourself of family doesn't make you tough. I am sure yall had your reasons for moving and I'm glad it worked out for you but don't project that the way you did it is the only way it should be done.
Knowing nothing other than you moved away of your own free will, I would say you were selfish to deprive your family from being a bigger part of your child's life and vice versa. But thats my opinion of family being one of the most important things in life and by no means does my opinion make your decisions right or wrong for your life.
Posted on 5/30/24 at 12:53 pm to Dadren
quote:
1) Neither of you are wrong for your respective POVs
2) Treating her POV on this topic with that kind of disdain is a sure fire way to move you closer to divorce court.
These 2 pieces of advice are applicable for every single disagreement you ever have with your wife. If you can't see and respect her POV then yall are doomed.
Posted on 5/30/24 at 12:53 pm to Funky Tide 8
quote:
I know little to nothing about Fort Wayne.
think of it as Huntsville, Birmingham, or Mobile.
plus, it's centralized between:
Chicago
Detroit
Indianapolis
Columbus
Cincinatti
Lake Michigan
not the nation's brightest spots, but each one does have a major sports team.
it's also a jump and skip to Canada through Detroit if we ever decided to go.
Posted on 5/30/24 at 12:57 pm to Bert Macklin FBI
quote:
Her concerns are real and should be considered.
Didn't suggest they were fake, but you have other avenues for help, and you just don't make a major move and change because you need mama. Sorry if that hurts your feelings, but I would work through it.
Problem with our society today, we have too many people who don't want to work through tough situations. Sometimes we need to do hard things and guess what, they will be ok. You don't make major life changes for a few weeks/months of mama's guidance.
Not saying they don't discuss it and look at the pros and cons of moving or staying, but to make a life altering choice when one or both spouses are highly emotional is not a great time to choose.
This post was edited on 5/30/24 at 1:02 pm
Posted on 5/30/24 at 1:00 pm to finchmeister08
I was stationed in Texas, gf soon wife was in school at ole miss. After we married she moved to Texas and we moved all over away from family. It was nice and when there was something we wanted to do but needed a babysitter, we paid for it. My parents told me long ago, if they couldn’t take me they didn’t go. They supported the local arts in my hometown and had tickets to the symphony. I went too in my little tux. My parents and I were inseparable.
Posted on 5/30/24 at 1:01 pm to MSTiger33
quote:
if I wanted a stay at home wife then I would have married someone else and live somewhere else
Oh well don't let her feelings and opinions get in the way of how you pictured your life turning out...
This post was edited on 5/30/24 at 1:02 pm
Posted on 5/30/24 at 1:04 pm to finchmeister08
Every woman acts like they are the only person on earth to ever go through the struggles of having a child. People do it every day. It isn’t rocket science.
Posted on 5/30/24 at 1:07 pm to JellyRoll
quote:
You don't make major life changes for a few weeks/months of mama's guidance.
I think wanting your parents to be an everyday part of your children's life is a little more than a few weeks of guidance.
Like I said before, everyone has a right to prioritize their lives however they want but wanting to be near family isn't some weakness that needs to be avoided.
Maybe its not the right move for OP and his wife but she isn't weak for wanting her kids to be around family. She isn't weak for wanting their help. She won't be "stronger" for it when she is getting passed up for promotions because someone has to put their career below the other to stay home when the kid is sick or to get the kid to school or practice or whatever else. Maybe that would be fine for them and thats OK if it is but don't act like forcing yourself to make life harder than it needs to be is some sort of medal of honor.
This post was edited on 5/30/24 at 1:10 pm
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