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Started By
Message
Great and funny obituary. Sorry if previously posted.
Posted on 8/29/19 at 8:32 am
Posted on 8/29/19 at 8:32 am
This is how you eulogize.
quote:LINK
Tim Schrandt, age 63, of Spillville, IA died on Friday, March 29, 2019 at Gundersen Health System in LaCrosse, WI after a short battle with cancer.
A funeral service will be held at 11:00 a.m., Thursday, April 4, 2019 at the St. Wenceslaus Catholic Church in Spillville with Deacon Pat Malanaphy presiding, burial will be in the church cemetery with full military rites.
Visitation will be from 3:00 – 7:00 p.m. on Wednesday, April 3, 2019 at the St. Wenceslaus Catholic Church in Spillville and also after 10:00 a.m. at the Church on Thursday morning.
Tim Schrandt (Lynyrd) made his last inappropriate comment on March 29, 2019. If you are wondering if you may have ever met him, you didn't -because you WOULD remember. For those of you that did meet him, we apologize, as we're sure he probably offended you. He was world renowned for not holding back and telling it like it is.
Tim was born to William (Bill) Schrandt and Mary (Schrandt) Manning on June 11,1955 - 100 years too late. Given Tim's demeanor he would have been the perfect weathered cowboy in the old west or rough and tough pioneer, or maybe he just should have been Amish.
Tim was the 4th of 8 kids, the bottom rung of the top tier (the big kids). Instead of taking his place on that rung, listening to the older kids and doing as he was told by his older siblings, he decided to anoint himself "king" of the 4 little kids. Tim spent his childhood and early adulthood ordering them around and in general, tormenting them. He was a great orator, (not like Shakespear, but more like Yogi Berra), as he always had something to say, and always had to get in the last word.
His position as "king" and orator was challenged by the nuns at St. Wenceslaus school in Spillville. He may have met his match. We’re not saying the nuns won, but they put up a good fight, we mean literally - he got into a fist-a-cuff with a nun. In fairness, she probably started it. You didn't take a swing at Tim and not expect one back. Tim's fondness for authority (his own - not others) followed him to South Winneshiek High School in Calmar and later into the Army. This provided for many interesting episodes and stories, detentions and demotions, and a few "run ins" with the law, not just locally, but globally.
Tim worked at Camcar/Stanley Black and Decker in Decorah as a tool and die maker for 30 plus years. Tim worked with many friends and “a bunch of morons”. His words, not ours. Well not exactly his, words because that would have included a bunch of swear words.
Tim leaves behind a hell of a lot of stuff that his family doesn't know what to do with. So, if you are looking for a Virgin Mary in a bathtub shrine (you Catholics know what we’re talking about) you should wait the appropriate amount of time and get in touch with them.
Tomorrow would be fine.
In addition to his stuff he leaves behind two great boys who he was extremely proud of, Cody (Jenny) Schrandt and Josh (Lydia) Schrandt were the product of his marriage to Crystal Hilmer. He will be missed by his two granddaughters that he adored and taught to cuss, Peyton and MacKenna. Also left to keep the stories alive (but damn, there won"t be any new material) are his mother Mary Manning and siblings Mike (Rita Dixon) Schrandt, Marty (Clint) Berg, Becky Schrandt-Miles, Bill (Grease) Schrandt, Pam (Rick) Barnes, Peter (Sandra) Schrandt and many nieces, nephews and cousins that wanted to hang out near him, because you just knew he was going to say or do something good. It’s not that he was such a great storyteller, it’s that he WAS the story!
To his siblings amazement he was actually able to snag a good woman, Cheryl Murray, and hold on to her for the past 13 years, and as far as we know restraints were not used. Tim also created great memories and stories for Cheryl’s kids Alex (Christina) Murray and Samantha (Evan) Luedking and grandkids Tatum and Grace.
He will be having a reunion with his infant daughter Ashley, his brother Duke, his dad Bill Schrandt, many aunts and uncles and a handful of cousins that passed before him. Tim was in charge of getting the beer and ice for our family reunions, so they will be happy to see him.
A common line in obituaries is “He never met a stranger”, in Tim’s case he never met a rule he couldn’t break, a boundary he couldn’t push, a line he couldn’t cross and a story he couldn’t stretch. Another common obituary phrase is “He’d give the shirt off his back”, well Tim was prepared to do that, and he could do it quickly, because he always wore his shirts unbuttoned ¾ the way down. Tim was anything but common!
Despite his crusty exterior, cutting remarks and stubbornness, there is actual evidence that he was a loving, giving and caring person. That evidence is the deep sorrow and pain in our hearts that his family feels from his passing.
Tim led a good life and had a peaceful death - but the transition was a bitch. And for the record, he did not lose his battle with cancer. When he died, the cancer died, so technically it was a tie! He was ready to meet his Maker, we're just not sure "The Maker" is ready to meet Tim.
Good luck God!
We are considering establishing a Go-Fund-Me account for G. Heileman Brewing Co., the brewers of Old Style beer, as we anticipate they are about to experience significant hardship as a result of the loss of Tim"s business. Keep them in your thoughts.
This post was edited on 8/29/19 at 8:33 am
Posted on 8/29/19 at 8:33 am to castorinho
Sorry you can’t read and/or have the attention span of a three year old.
This post was edited on 8/29/19 at 8:35 am
Posted on 8/29/19 at 8:36 am to bhtigerfan
quote:
Tim leaves behind a hell of a lot of stuff that his family doesn't know what to do with. So, if you are looking for a Virgin Mary in a bathtub shrine (you Catholics know what we’re talking about) you should wait the appropriate amount of time and get in touch with them.
Tomorrow would be fine.
Lost it here
Posted on 8/29/19 at 8:36 am to kywildcatfanone
People post videos that are 15 minutes long. You can’t read for 3 minutes?
Posted on 8/29/19 at 8:41 am to bhtigerfan
Nobody is reading all of that crap
Posted on 8/29/19 at 8:42 am to bhtigerfan
quote:
His position as "king" and orator was challenged by the nuns at St. Wenceslaus school in Spillville. He may have met his match. We’re not saying the nuns won, but they put up a good fight, we mean literally - he got into a fist-a-cuff with a nun.
Posted on 8/29/19 at 8:44 am to bhtigerfan
quote:
People post videos that are 15 minutes long. You can’t read for 3 minutes?
The majority of the posters on the OT need pictures as they aren't capable of reading more than one sentence.
Posted on 8/29/19 at 8:50 am to bhtigerfan
quote:
You can't read for 3 minutes?
It's not that I can't.
It's that I don't give a shite enough to.
Posted on 8/29/19 at 8:51 am to schatman
quote:Another retard with the attention span of a toddler.
Nobody is reading all of that crap
Just frick off, okay.
Posted on 8/29/19 at 8:52 am to FlipNDipN
Pretty Funny, Sounds like a good dude to be around.
Posted on 8/29/19 at 8:53 am to bhtigerfan
Haha- you sure take it personally when people don't want to read your posts. It's ok- you've got plenty of mouth-breathers that'll read it and give you a pat on the back for such a witty post.
Posted on 8/29/19 at 8:53 am to EveryoneGetsATrophy
quote:
The majority of the posters on the OT need pictures as they aren't capable of reading more than one sentence.
tldr
Posted on 8/29/19 at 8:54 am to schatman
quote:
Nobody is reading all of that crap
I read it. It was solid
Posted on 8/29/19 at 8:54 am to kywildcatfanone
quote:
That was quite long
TWSS
Posted on 8/29/19 at 8:56 am to schatman
quote:No asswipe. It’s the fact that they won’t take the time to read a couple of paragraphs, but they’ll take the time to post their retarded comments.
Haha- you sure take it personally when people don't want to read your posts. It's ok- you've got plenty of mouth-breathers that'll read it and give you a pat on the back for such a witty post.
I don’t take it personally, they do it to everyone, and it’s still retarded. Buncha dumbasses.
Posted on 8/29/19 at 8:57 am to Kudzu65
I like these but they're starting to copy one another.
The "don't know what to do with this stuff...tomorrow is fine" and the "beer company hardship" parts are either original to this one or copied from multiple other ones like this, almost verbatim.
The "don't know what to do with this stuff...tomorrow is fine" and the "beer company hardship" parts are either original to this one or copied from multiple other ones like this, almost verbatim.
Posted on 8/29/19 at 8:57 am to jpainter6174
This is how a real man should be remembered, however, this is becoming far too uncommon. Obits in the future will discuss a gender neutral person. How it loved it's iced coffees whilst reading the Huffington Post. The love it had for his white, ugly arse poodle, that it made costumes of in an effort to transition. It's death was long and annoying from anal warts, it complained the entire time of it's life and never fought anything. It leaves behind a non binary SO and no children.
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