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re: Grandparent Jealousy over time spent with Grandkid?

Posted on 12/19/16 at 10:50 am to
Posted by GeauxxxTigers23
TeamBunt General Manager
Member since Apr 2013
62514 posts
Posted on 12/19/16 at 10:50 am to
Tell you dad to get his wife in check
Posted by cas4t
Member since Jan 2010
72157 posts
Posted on 12/19/16 at 10:52 am to
quote:

had this discussion yesterday evening when my mom. she was upset because she made christmas plans and i asked to move them back an hour. She said "well, i guess we won't get to see the baby at all this Christmas!"



jesus dude. You gotta hone this one in, and quick.
Posted by GaryMyMan
Shreveport
Member since May 2007
13499 posts
Posted on 12/19/16 at 10:53 am to
Give them what they want.

My wife's mother is one of our all-day babysitters for two 6-month old boys (wife works). My mother is 10 years older than her, has Parkinson's, and still pouts that she doesn't see them enough. So when my wife's mother went out of town I had my mom keep them for the whole day. She basically ran out like the house was on fire when I got home from work that day. So maybe have the kids spend the night with your folks or give them way more responsibility than they want for a day.
This post was edited on 12/19/16 at 10:55 am
Posted by Tiger Prawn
Member since Dec 2016
25840 posts
Posted on 12/19/16 at 11:04 am to
Tell your mom to call your wife during the day and invite her to lunch, shopping, etc. Or have your mom ask if she can pickup the baby for a little while or even babysit so wife can go run her errands without having to bring the baby along.

Most people keep in closer touch with their own parents compared to their in-laws, which leads to your wife's parents seeing the baby more while she's home and you're at work. If your mom initiated phone calls and attempted to make plans with your wife, problem should be solved easily
Posted by The Mick
Member since Oct 2010
45120 posts
Posted on 12/19/16 at 11:08 am to
Very common.

My wife stayed at home but spent most time with MY mom. Her mom was insane and this drove her even further into the darkness.
Posted by USMCTiger03
Member since Sep 2007
71176 posts
Posted on 12/19/16 at 11:11 am to
Well even though it comes across as irrational, it's good that your mother wants to spend so much time with your child. Would it be so hard for your wife to get together with your mom a little more regularly?
This post was edited on 12/19/16 at 11:12 am
Posted by LCA131
Home of the Fake Sig lines
Member since Feb 2008
77241 posts
Posted on 12/19/16 at 11:13 am to
quote:

Well even though it comes across as irrational, it's good that your mother wants to spend so much time with your child. Would it be so hard for your wife to get together with your mom a little more regularly?




It is posts such as this that cause me to rank you in the top 217 posters on this board.

Hope you and yours have a Merry Christmas.
Posted by USMCTiger03
Member since Sep 2007
71176 posts
Posted on 12/19/16 at 11:19 am to
Thanks I try to balance out my "you're a scum-fricking idiot" posts whenever possible.


quote:

Hope you and yours have a Merry Christmas.

Same to you
Posted by btr08ex
Baton Rouge
Member since Oct 2014
464 posts
Posted on 12/19/16 at 11:30 am to
My stepdaughter's grandparents (on her dad's side) have filed for visitation rights. They are crazy and don't get along with her dad, so he wouldn't allow them to see her. Court has granted supervised visitation when she is at her dad's.
Posted by FishinTygah84
LA
Member since Dec 2013
2036 posts
Posted on 12/19/16 at 11:45 am to
My wife has tried to reach out to my mom but she's always busy. That's the whole point of me saying "perceived" in my OP. The truth is that my wife does make an effort, but my mom doesn't think about that. My wife could reach out once a week for 3 weeks and it be bad timing for my mom, but at the end of it, all my mom thinks is "I haven't seen my grand baby in 3 weeks and I'm mad." I'm telling ya'll, it's is crazy to type this stuff. Never in a million years did I expect this
Posted by TheMightyTerrier
Member since Nov 2010
2102 posts
Posted on 12/19/16 at 11:52 am to
You just gotta be firm and let your mom have the time to accept it. It's weird at first because you basically are parenting your own mother, but she will eventually relent. Just remember you have the power now since you have the grandchild. She may bitch and moan, but if you're firm and tell her in no uncertain terms "This is what we need. This is what we're doing. If you don't like it, tough." She'll come around.

My mom tried to get a bit manipulative with our first grandchild. I told her I have an infant and don't have the time or energy to deal with a 60 year old child on top of that. She didn't like it but things got better after that. Good luck.
Posted by USMCTiger03
Member since Sep 2007
71176 posts
Posted on 12/19/16 at 11:57 am to
Ohhh, didn't pick up on that nuance.

Yeah, wow, that sucks. I have a relative like that, acts all estranged but then when you make the effort to get together they always have an excuse not to, ("but soon!") then goes back to acting estranged.

All you can do is tell her it's her own fault for never following through and up to her to start doing things differently, and go on about your business.
Posted by JJBTiger2012
Louisiana
Member since Jun 2013
1891 posts
Posted on 12/19/16 at 11:59 am to
My MIL is a complete lunatic and puts guilt trips on my wife about this constantly. She's ugly to my kids when they talk about all of the fun stuff at my parents house. They have nothing to do and 0 hobbies so the kids just sit there. At my parents they are at the camp, riding horses, riding SxS's, or doing little projects. My parents are actually older than hers but act 20 yrs younger when with my kids. I enjoy watching her melt inside every time my 4 yr old tells her about the cool shite that he does with my parents! Lol
Posted by Breesus
Unplug
Member since Jan 2010
69549 posts
Posted on 12/19/16 at 12:01 pm to
Who's grandparents did you spend more time with? Your mom's or your dad's?
Posted by Hawkeye95
Member since Dec 2013
20293 posts
Posted on 12/19/16 at 12:03 pm to
quote:

Who's grandparents did you spend more time with? Your mom's or your dad's?


usually its your mother's grandparents who are closer. In my experience, women are usually closer to their parents than men. Not always, but more often than not.

I know we spent way more time with my mother's parents. And I know my mother spends a lot more time with my sister kids.

and we spend more time with my wife's family.
Posted by greenwave
Member since Oct 2011
3879 posts
Posted on 12/19/16 at 12:13 pm to
quote:

Never in a million years did I expect this


I had a friend tell me it’s just easier to put them in daycare everyday so you don’t have to deal with in-laws and parents. I said you’re crazy, you would save money letting them keep a kid…… now I understand.
Posted by GreatLakesTiger24
Member since May 2012
60662 posts
Posted on 12/19/16 at 12:31 pm to
You have no first hand experience yet your post is the longest ITT
Posted by Stexas
SWLA
Member since May 2013
7026 posts
Posted on 12/19/16 at 1:50 pm to
my kids are almost teenagers and I still get monthly passive aggressive comments from my mom.
Posted by Mouth
Member since Jan 2008
23079 posts
Posted on 12/19/16 at 2:42 pm to
why doesn't your mom just go over to your house whenever she has time?
Posted by chuckie
Member since Jun 2005
1032 posts
Posted on 12/19/16 at 2:52 pm to
I had that problem with my kid when she was young. 1st kid on both sides. My mom was very petty but in town. She wouldn't walk across the street or go out of her way. My in MIL would go across heaven and earth to get the kid
Now. It looks like the shoe is on the other foot. Don't have a grand baby yet. But with the holidays we are going to get the short end and when there is a grand kid it looks like it will be the same. Sucks but from our POV I'm not sure what to do?
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