Today in History.

0991
Danes under Olaf Tryggvason kill Ealdorman Byrhtnoth and defeat the Saxons at Maldon.
1492
Rodrigo Borgia is elected to the papacy as Pope Alexander VI.
1792
A revolutionary commune is formed in Paris, France.
1856
A band of rampaging settlers in California kill four Yokut Indians. The settlers had heard unproven rumors of Yokut atrocities.
1862
President Abraham Lincoln appoints Union General Henry Halleck to the position of general in chief of the Union Army.
1904
German General Lothar von Trotha defeats the Hereros tribe near Waterberg, South Africa.
1906
In France, Eugene Lauste receives the first patent for a talking film.
1908
Britain's King Edward VII meets with Kaiser Wilhelm II to protest the growth of the German navy.
1912
Moroccan Sultan Mulai Hafid abdicates his throne in the face of internal dissent.
1916
The Russia army takes Stanislau, Poland, from the Germans.
1929
Babe Ruth hits his 500th major league home run against the Cleveland Indians.
1941
Soviet bombers raid Berlin but cause little damage.
1942
The German submarine U-73 attacks a Malta-bound British convoy and sinks HMS Eagle, one of the world's first aircraft carriers.
1944
German troops abandon Florence, Italy, as Allied troops close in on the historic city.
1965
A small clash between the California Highway Patrol and two black youths sets off six days of rioting in the Watts area of Los Angeles.

1972
The last U.S. ground forces withdraw from Vietnam.
1975
US vetoes admission of North and South Vietnam to UN.
1978
Funeral of Pope Paul VI.
1984
Carl Lewis wins four Olympic gold medals, tying the record Jesse Owens set in 1936.
1988
Al Qaeda formed at a meeting in Peshawar, Pakistan.

1989
Voyager 2 discovers two partial rings around Neptune.
1990
Troops from Egypt and Morocco arrive in Saudi Arabia as part of the international operation to prevent Iraq from invading.
1999
A tornado in downtown Salt Lake City, Utah, kills one person.
2003
NATO assumes command of the international peacekeeping force in Afghanistan, its first major operation outside Europe.
2003
Temperatures rise to 112 degrees Fahrenheit (44 degrees Celsius); over 140 people die in the heat wave.

Joke of the Day

A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for dinner. This is her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous.

They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water.

Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty little fart. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poot.

Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the women's feet, and said in a rather stern voice, "Ginger!"

The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big smile came across her face.

A couple minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't hesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip. The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "Dammit, Ginger!"

Once again the woman smiled and thought, "Yes!" A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip. This time she didn't even think about it. She let rip a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing.

Again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "Dammit, Ginger, get away from her before she shites on you!"

This post was edited on 8/11/21 at 4:03 am