GMT

Today in History: May 17
1630 Italian Jesuit Niccolo Zucchi sees the belts on Jupiter's surface.

1681 Louis XIV sends an expedition to aid James II in Ireland. As a result, England declares war on France.

1756 Britain declares war on France.

1792 Merchants form the New York Stock Exchange at 70 Wall Street.

1814 Denmark cedes Norway to Sweden.

1863 Union General Ulysses Grant continues his push towards Vicksburg at the Battle of the Big Black River Bridge.

1875 The first Kentucky Derby is run in Louisville.

1940 Germany occupies Brussels, Belgium and begins the invasion of France.

1987 In the Persian Gulf the American guided missile frigate USS Stark is struck by 2 Exocet missiles fired by an Iraqi aircraft; only one detonates, but 37 sailors are killed and 21 are wounded. Whether the launch was deliberate or a mistake is still debated.

Born on May 17
1444Sandro Botticelli, painter (The Birth of Venus).

1912 Archibald Cox, special prosecutor in the Watergate hearings, fired by President Richard Nixon.

JOTD
An elderly man on a Moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to a doctor at a street light.

The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, 'What kind of car ya got there, sonny?'
The doctor replies, “1500+hp Porsche 917/30. It cost half a million dollars!”
'That's a lot of money,' says the old man. 'Why does it cost so much?'
'Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!' states the doctor proudly.
The Moped driver asks, 'Mind if I take a look inside?'
'No problem,' replies the doctor.
So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around.
Then, sitting back on his Moped, the old man says, 'That's a pretty nice car, all right... But I'll stick with my Moped!'
Just then the light changes, and the doctor decides to show the old man just what his car can do.
He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 160 mph.
Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer!
He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly WHOOOOSSSHHH !
Something whips by him going much faster!
'What on earth could be going faster than my Porsche?' the doctor asks himself.
He presses harder on the accelerator and takes the Porsche up to 250 mph.
Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the Moped!
Amazed that the Moped could pass his Porsche, he gives it more gas and passes the Moped at 275 mph and he's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN!
Astounded by the speed of this old guy, he floors the gas pedal and takes the sportscar all the way up to 320 mph.
Not ten seconds later, he sees the Moped bearing down on him again! The Porsche is flat out, and there's nothing he can do!
Suddenly, the Moped plows into the back of his Porsche, demolishing the rear end.
The doctor stops and jumps out and unbelievably the old man is still alive.
He runs up to the banged-up old guy and says, 'I'm a doctor.... Is there anything I can do for you?'
The old man whispers,
'Unhook my suspenders from your side view mirror!'.