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Started By
Message
For divorced OTers: Do you ever wish you go back and change things?
Posted on 1/6/17 at 8:47 am
Posted on 1/6/17 at 8:47 am
If the divorce wasn't your fault, do any of you wish you could change things? It took me a while to truly be able to see what a POS my ex really is, but I'll be honest and say that I would go back. There was some really good stuff about her. And add in the fact that this is really hurting the kids, too.
Just curious to see if ya'll could change things would you?
Just curious to see if ya'll could change things would you?
47
Posted on 1/6/17 at 8:48 am to Spaceman Spiff
quote:
divorce wasn't your fault, do any of you wish you could change things?
No, we are all innocent around here.
Life has led me to where I am now and I'm truly happy.
Posted on 1/6/17 at 8:49 am to Spaceman Spiff
so glad I'll never marry or procreate
Posted on 1/6/17 at 8:49 am to Spaceman Spiff
OT standard response is "NO, I am having much secks with younger and hotter chicks!"
Posted on 1/6/17 at 8:50 am to Spaceman Spiff
By change things do you mean go Scott Peterson on her?
Posted on 1/6/17 at 8:50 am to PoundFoolish
quote:Us, too......
so glad I'll never marry or procreate
Posted on 1/6/17 at 8:50 am to Spaceman Spiff
I'd say its a little late to ponder that misery...move on and find happiness
Posted on 1/6/17 at 8:52 am to PoundFoolish
quote:
so glad I'll never marry or procreate
Yeah everyone is happy about that
Posted on 1/6/17 at 8:54 am to Spaceman Spiff
quote:
There was some really good stuff about her. And add in the fact that this is really hurting the kids, too.
The sooner you totally let it go, the better for everyone involved.
It's not your fault.
Let it go man.
Posted on 1/6/17 at 8:56 am to Spaceman Spiff
Yep absolutely. Things both of us could have done better and if they were addressed at the time it wouldn't have went the way it did.
Posted on 1/6/17 at 8:56 am to CoachChappy
quote:
By change things do you mean go Scott Peterson on her?
No sir, what I mean is that knowing what you know now, would you change whatever you could? In my case, as some on here know, is my ex's childhood abuse history greatly affects her now and has really messed with her reactions to things...however, I was never told even a little about it until after divorce was mentioned - her answer was "you should have known." The divorce wasn't my fault - she had put some things on such a pedestal that no one or even a marriage could live up to it...and that, too, is resulting from her childhood experiences.
Now, had I known about all of that beforehand, I'd like to say I wouldn't have married her but if I didn't then I wouldn't have had my two awesome children. The things I would have changed would be my reactions to some of her stuff I just passed off as being quirks.
Posted on 1/6/17 at 8:56 am to Spaceman Spiff
Not at all.
Had a short-lived marriage right out of college to a girl that turned out to be a loser. We split and I hooked up with a winner.
Would have never found Mrs. Right if it weren't for losing Mrs. Wrong.
Had a short-lived marriage right out of college to a girl that turned out to be a loser. We split and I hooked up with a winner.
Would have never found Mrs. Right if it weren't for losing Mrs. Wrong.
This post was edited on 1/6/17 at 11:05 am
Posted on 1/6/17 at 8:57 am to Spaceman Spiff
If I remember your particular situation, there's no fricking way I'd go back.
Posted on 1/6/17 at 8:57 am to Spaceman Spiff
It's normal to question decisions made prior to divorce. I know I do all the time, but what's done is done. No need crying over spilled milk. Move on, take care of your kids and try like heck to get along with the POS ex - because y'all still share kids and fighting will only hurt the kids in the long run. Oh yeah....and frick divorce.
Posted on 1/6/17 at 8:57 am to Spaceman Spiff
quote:
some really good stuff about her
Pics?
Posted on 1/6/17 at 8:57 am to Spaceman Spiff
If I had a do-over, I'd never married her. She was bat-shite crazy when we were living together, but somehow I overlooked that defect.
Posted on 1/6/17 at 8:59 am to LewDawg
quote:
If I remember your particular situation, there's no fricking way I'd go back.
Oh you remember it alright. I wouldn't but for the kids...
Posted on 1/6/17 at 9:25 am to Spaceman Spiff
I'm not sure how to define fault here. I'm at fault for being the one to leave; he's at fault for the reasons I left, even though he did not want the divorce at all.
Things would be a LOT easier if we were still together, but it's very hard to imagine now. I'm not in love with him, and it feels like a lifetime ago. Zero pining on my end.
Things would be a LOT easier if we were still together, but it's very hard to imagine now. I'm not in love with him, and it feels like a lifetime ago. Zero pining on my end.
Posted on 1/6/17 at 9:29 am to Spaceman Spiff
I'm certainly better off with wife #2 than I was with #1. But I wouldn't be better off had I not been with wife #1 first. I learned a lot from that first marriage: successes and mistakes, priorities and "who really cares", the importance of communication and how to hold my ground on things that really matter to me, heart break and sorrow and what really matters in life.
I'm a better man for it, even though it sucked arse going through it.
BUT, when I think back on those two kids who met in college, fell love, grew from there, got married, and planned to spend the rest of their lives together, just to have their paths diverge 10 years later, yeah, that makes me really sad for them. If I could go back and change things so that those two stuck together in an alternate time line, but still have my life as it is now, hell yeah I would.
Life isn't all roses, and the only thing that's guaranteed is that we are going to royally frick something up along the way. I just hope that I've made it past the worst of it.
I'm a better man for it, even though it sucked arse going through it.
BUT, when I think back on those two kids who met in college, fell love, grew from there, got married, and planned to spend the rest of their lives together, just to have their paths diverge 10 years later, yeah, that makes me really sad for them. If I could go back and change things so that those two stuck together in an alternate time line, but still have my life as it is now, hell yeah I would.
Life isn't all roses, and the only thing that's guaranteed is that we are going to royally frick something up along the way. I just hope that I've made it past the worst of it.
Posted on 1/6/17 at 9:32 am to Spaceman Spiff
In my case, I wish there was a way to somehow still have the same children yet go back in time and tell myself to not waste my entire high school and college years with him, much less marry him.
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