re: Fathers that always look at the negatives; never give praise

Just gonna reply straight on this. My dad was hard but he also got very excited at my achievements. I was his only kid. He never missed a football game. Even in JV, he was the only one watching practice. He actively looked for things to be proud of even though I was an adhd kid addicted to video games. I was still an all state lineman and did well in school besides skipping homework. He had a good balance, and he def had his bad times on the negativity. I dont blame him at all, he was right.

That said, I'm an emotional guy, I love and get angry pretty hard. My job is to set an example and I've got 5 kids. Twins are a year old. I do know how much more effective positive reinforcement is than negative. Studies prove it. What I think is more important is having the two work together. Strong negative responses with strong positive responses. Letting the child choose their actions based on what parental outcome they want, and by making the two options so very different, it strongly encourages then to do right. Ive seen it make big changes in a child's behavior in a short time. They're all at the top of their game though and very mature for their age. I'm proud of them, and they know that, and thats still with me being pretty rough on them like my dad did w me. I think the difference is that I have real talk with them, and have conversations with them as if they were an adult on reflecting on themselves. Most importantly of all, I know they're proud of themselves.

I miss my old man, died at 48 from a heart attack. Never got to hold his grandchildren and it breaks my heart. He was rough around the edges but I appreciate it in my older age. Just make take on fatherhood.

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As a child, how many of your fathers never encouraged or complimented your achievements or always sought out the negative instead of positive?

For example making a 90 on a test and him asking where the other 10 points were.

Or getting excited for the upcoming summer break and having him tell you all the work you were going to need to do during it.

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My mother was this way.

My father was ok. He wound up leaving us when I was 14 just because of how toxic my mother was.

(no message)

Then stop. It gets really old.

My Father was great, hope I have been some where near as good with my own son

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, I've had to back away.

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As I got older, I paid more attention to how my parents treated strangers and their friends. I now know their negative behavior could be turned on and off.

I quit seeking their love and approval a while back and I focus on my family.

I only knew one grandmother, Mom;s Mom, and one grand father, Dad's Dad. I never heard a kind word from either.
In those days, I'm 82, praising children was considered "spoiling" them.
I have four Grandchildren. Two boys and two girls. All four are awesome and I tell them every time I see them.
They aren't spoiled, just special.

You know, it’s been said, and I wholeheartedly agree, that more often than not how your dad treated you is how you will see God’s relationship with you. If he was condemning, that is how you will see God. If he was someone you could always talk to, again, that’s how you will see God. If he was an inconsolable rule keeping tyrant, or if he was full of love and pride for you, then that’s how you will see God.

Now God is obviously not like man and none of those tyrannical condemning or unloving ciharacterteristics apply to Him, but in how we see God often times, our relationships with our fathers do play a part in our approachability to God. It’s built on lies of who God is, but it’s bad wiring in our heads.


If you have never watched “Show Me The Father” then I’d highly recommend it for everyone really, those who had fathers, are going to be fathers, or need a father in their life.

I’d also like to suggest a book I just had suggested to me, in dealing with these struggles, and you never really do out grow these issues if you don’t understand them first.

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the old man was covered with tattoos and scars
He got some in prison and others in bars
The rest he got workin' on old junk cars in the daytime
Now they looked like tombstones in our yard
And I never seen him when he wasn't tired and mean
Well he sold used parts to make ends meet
Covered with grease from his head to his feet
Cussin' the sweat and the Texas heat and mosquiters
And the neighbors said we lived like hicks
But they brung their cars for my pa to fix anyhow
Well he was veteran-proud tried and true
He'd fought 'til his heart was black and blue
And I don't know how he'd made it through the hard times

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deltaland

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Montgomery-Gentry.