Embarrassing things you innocently said or did as a youngster

OweO ? Is that you?

My Pops was turning 40. They had the whole black balloons and tombstone cake, death just around the corner party for him. A bunch of family and friends were over to the house. Us kids went outside to play (his birthday was right in the dead of summer), and most of the adults stayed inside.

Well, we were playing in a nearby cotton field, throwing dirt clods and chasing each other. I slid and did the splits, and ripped the entire arse out of the shorts I was wearing. Coming up, I refused to wear underwear. I was a natural commando. So, I had to get up with my arse on full display to my friends and walk inside, through I don't know how many grown folks with the entire seat of my shorts gone. Doesn't sound like a big deal now, but then....it was terrible.

I still hear about that one. That was the day I started wearing drawers.

When I was 7 or 8 my family took a cruise trip with a big group of family friends. One night me and a bunch of the other kids went eat at the fancy restaurant. I saw “Texas T-Bone Steak” on the menu and my 7 year old self could not pass that up. Out comes this huge steak and I was so used to my mom cutting up my steaks or meats at that age, I asked the waitress if she could cut it up for me and she did.
Like others, doesn’t seem like a big deal but the embarrassment haunted me for years as we got older

Before I knew what a condom was, I screamed, “HEY EVERYBODY, JOEY’S GOT A CONDOM” at daycare in line for Donkey Kong. Spent the rest of the day in the corner and mom was NOT happy.

When I was about 5 or 6 I was watching something on television (forgot what it was) but it made me think a hooker was a woman who stole money from men.

One night the family is out at a restaurant and my mom made a joke about the waitress taking a while in returning my dads credit card. My dad said she’ll be back soon. And I said “yeah if she doesn’t she’s a hooker”.

They weren’t happy.

It was loud, like all the tables around us heard it.

Had a girl ask me to shower with her when I was a young teen. I didn’t know that meant sex in the shower. I got in and actually started washing myself, shampoo in hair and everything. She steps in and ask me what the hell am I doing and then started laughing. I was even covering pecker up with a towel. She never came back in and I got out and made the embarrassing walk near her and other girls she had told. Thankfully she went to a different school than me.

I don’t remember this, but my mother tells me while waiting in the checkout line at TG&Y that I pointed to the morbidly obese lady in front of us and loudly proclaimed, “Mom, she looks just like Jabba the Hutt!”

Another instance when I was very young, I was tired of shopping (Bon Marche mall) and laid down in the middle of the department store and started screaming, “You know I am crippled, please quit making me walk!!”

I shared this before. Stills haunts me.


My grandmother (Southern Baptist, I’ve never heard her utter a single swear/curse my entire life) picked me and 2 brothers up from elementary school one afternoon.

The 3 of us piled into the back seat, and within 2 minutes it was a royal rumble, all 3 of fighting.

She starting scolding and blinding slapping at us, trying in vain to get us to behave.

I thought I’d learned a new vocabulary word, and it seemed like the perfect situation to use it.

So I yelled back at her in the front seat, “Gah, Meemaw, you’re always so HORNY!!!”

She swerved into oncoming traffic, narrowly missing a head on collision, and skidded off into the grass. She jumped out of the car, ripped the back door open and screamed at me “what did you say!?!?!”

And I repeated it. Again. With determination...

Apparently the word I was looking for was ORNERY

















30 something years later, still can’t hear the word “horny” without cringing

Got pulled out of kindergarten which was on a college campus because I wouldn't go to class. I discovered if you wandered the halls, college girls gave a lost 5 year old a lot of attention.

Me and my friend were in the woods and my friend told me he learned a new bad word called 'fricker'. I argued with him because I didn't think it was really a bad word.

So, when I got home, I'll never forget my Mom was washing dishes and the sink was straight on the other side of the back door so all we saw was her back. Ryan and I walked in and I asked "Mom, is frickER a bad word?"

She turned around with a horrified look on her face and I instantly knew that fricker, is indeed, a bad word