re: Do you bother keeping in touch with family who don’t bother with you?

Wow, this is some depressing shite in this thread

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We used to all get together at Christmas when I was a kid growing up until maybe my early 20’s and I am 52 now. Then the older family members started to pass away and honestly they were the glue that held the family together. It was expected to be with them at Christmas when they were alive. Without them everyone started doing their own thing within the family and this honestly morphed into almost a complete generation of family that has no clue who they are related to. Social media helps a little but honestly I have cousins I have never met. It’s kinda a joke now that the only time we see each other is at funerals. We tried a family reunion or 2 but that’s like herding cats. I stay connected to my immediate family but outside of that I barely know the rest even exist honestly.

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I’m so blessed to have over 20 1sr cousins and we have never stopped the family tradition every Easter, Thanksgiving & Christmas.

I’ve hit some rough patches the past year and a half. I’m starting to come out of it with major life adjustments. I’ve found members of the OT to be more caring and better listeners than my sisters.

One of my sisters even sent a group text to us that complained about me only messaging when I was upset. It obviously wasn’t intended for me, but I got it. She didn’t even apologize. She just said she was very stressed with work and an upcoming trip to NYC she had planned with her friend.

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What husband is she on?

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Both are on husband 1

All I had left on my mother's side of the family was my aunt. She was never much for communicating with us but she did come to my wedding. Anyway, 20 years ago, when I called to tell her my mother (her sister) was about to die, my aunt decided it was going to be inconvenient to fly from Colorado to say goodbye to her sister in Louisiana. I called her twice afterwards to pass along some info regarding my mother. Shortly after that I sent her an email she never responded to. I never heard from her again and that was 20 years ago. She's still alive but I have no interest to talk to her. I simply moved on after that BS and have no regrets.

…"After his funeral, I starting calling her every couple of weeks"….

My husband and one of his brothers were super close. After my husband died, BIL started calling to check on me every few weeks. I very much appreciated it, and we got pretty close ( not In a romantic way). Three years later I saw his name pop up on an incoming call, and answered to find his wife calling from his phone to tell me he had died unexpectedly. The next time I was in LA she and I met for lunch and shed some tears over our men. She told me her husband had never been the same after his brother died.

Honest and touching post. Love to you for that, ST.

I think that we stay emotionally close to those that we live close to. And that is assuming that the genetic psychological dynamics are a fit. The 'nature and nurture' dynamic is established when parents and children/grandchildren bond very early in the child's life. Those bonds, or the lack thereof will determine the degree of 'emotional' love for the duration of one's life. Early and traumatic wounds will not go away as the scars remain. Albeit the willful implementation re 'Christian' principles of forgiveness may open the door for relative healing and a newer and more powerful love.

This more sophisticated and mature love is that which we bring to the marital table, or new friends, or even the stranger on the street. Love is a feeling...no love is a feeling as well. We exist and live within the confines of beliefs and actions. The lens of one's willful love colors both the outside world and relationships, and one's inner feeling as well.

There is no doubt that to the degree that one embraces emotional love, to that degree one had better be strong enough for potential loss. My Grandfather died in his mid-60s, and my Grandma lived into her 80s, daily lamenting and being obsessed with that loss for her whole life. That is loyalty to a great love, but it is tragic, nonetheless. Such is life for those who choose to love much.

Personally, my Faith determines my feeling. On this very day, I experience heart wrenching personal scenarios, of the which I am essentially powerless to change. If I did not truly believe that each life is a formative experience toward the next - 'going to Heaven, as it were, in constantly perfecting our love and the adventures and challenges of life - I would be a hopeless and heartless cynic, preferring my own company and feelings - which I can control and predict - as opposed to the unpredictable and imperfect love in a very problematic personal and civilizational paradigm. One which does not promote love, but rather 'success' and relative affluence.

This Forum is a good place. Love (I.e., appreciation and respect) to those who contribute.

I feel you, OP. My birth family is down to my brother, whom moved off to Florida a few years back.

I have plenty of cousins, yet only speak to two. My wife and I will occasionally get together with my maternal side cousin and her husband a few times a year for dinner. I have a cousin on dad's side that is a hardcore liberal, yet somehow we find common ground on some things and check in on each other.