re: Dealing with family/loved one with a mental illness--Update Page 11

You really do have to find the right doctor. There's bad, good and brilliant.

Sometimes you can’t do anything. My uncle killed himself at 64. He was pretty much a sociopath and dealt with a lot of mental illness since he was a kid. We tried to help him, but he just didnt want it. He was manic also. Long story but he lived a good life even though he talked about suicide a lot , and that’s eventually what killed him.

I have coped with this it is difficult. In geriatrics sometimes delusions are because of an unchecked UTI. Don't go off on me I know you know everything but it is just a suggestion.

Is it a new thing to call dementia mental illness? Again don't go off just asking.

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have coped with this it is difficult. In geriatrics sometimes delusions are because of an unchecked UTI.

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I agree with this. I’ve seen elderly folks hi bat shite insane w UTIs. More common in women. But can affect men prostate issues.

No way I would have believed it had I not seen it with my own eyes. The geriatric was mute from a stroke and was all of a sudden speaking. Negative for Alzheimer's but she had dementia of course. She went batshit and spoke for the first time in 5 years. She was a school teacher and she was out of her mind saying she had to get to her children she saw down the hall.

Ativan and antibiotics. It is interesting hearing about this in men.

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Where do your parents live? How old is your dad?

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I moved them to Glendale, AZ after they lost their home in 2016 BR flood. My dad is 71. He had a suicidal gesture Memorial day weekend 2018 and spent 9 days in a geriatric psych unit. He's been seeing his psychiatrist for almost 2 years so he knows my dad's situation very well. We usually see him monthly. He's been on different meds. Currently on 60 mg paxil, 200 mg seroquel, and clonopin twice a day(forget the dose). He can take ativan as needed (we call it his panic pill). We’ve been told he basically has depression and severe anxiety with obsessive thinking.

I just got home from what was supposed to be a fun night with my husband celebrating our anniversary. I had a good time, as best I could I guess with all this on my mind. My father called so many times (phone was on silence thankfully) that I finally blocked his number at intermission (I was at a Star Wars symphony performance).


Apparently while I was at the symphony...my dad called 911 and my mom had to apologize and explain his mental illness and that an ambulance is not needed. And explain this again when the 911 operator had the fire department call back. He kept hounding my mom all night to take him to the ER. When she finally caved and called an Uber (she can't drive) he refused to go when the Uber showed up and changed his mind.

Tomorrow is my actual wedding anniversary. I'm putting my foot down and am NOT dropping everything to rush to his aid tomorrow. My marriage has suffered enough with all this plus the infertility battle, I am taking back my anniversary weekend and spending time with my husband. My mom knows this and fully supports it.

What I will do is page his psychiatrist tomorrow am and explain the situation in detail. Find out the best course of action to have him admitted to get stabilized. Which ER should he be taken to? Then have my mom Uber herself and my father there and hope that they can get him a psych bed. She already has a list of all his meds that I will instruct her to bring. I'll tell her to go ahead and bring clothes and shoes for my dad with her that will be ok in a psych unit. And the doctors can call my cell for any other clarifications needed. I can visit him Monday (I'm off work for the holiday).


cajunangelle...I have heard about UTIs causing mental issues. But that isn't his problem. They checked all that when he was in the hospital last weekend for his pneumonia.(but thank you for your post, I really do appreciate it)

It just sucks cause he wasn’t like this before the flood. Yeah he was a worrier but never anything like this.

I can’t help but feel at times like this is partly my fault for moving them out to AZ after the flood. Like would he have mentally snapped so badly if they had stayed in BR? Or would he be the same...but in BR and I wouldn’t be able to help? He just has never been able to accept that he no longer lives in LA.

My brother is a Bama fan.

This time of year, we don’t talk much. Or at all.

Does that answer your question?

First- not your fault. Not even an ounce. There is nothing that you could have done that would have caused this or prevented it. Now that that is out of the way:

Has your dad had a full neuro work up? I wonder if he has dementia? Some of this behavior sounds like our patients with dementia. There is a lot of anxiety and calling a trusted person for reassurance over and over again. Someone else also mentioned stroke. Stroke can make any underlying mental illness manifest itself in new ways.

You say that he has been seeing his psych for 2 years now and the doc knows him well. How did you find the doctor? Is he a Geri-psych specialist? It’s a different ball game than adult psych. And just because he knows your dad doesn’t mean he is the best doctor to treat him.

If he is having worsening symptoms despite being adherent with medications, then he probably needs to be in the hospital for medication management to get this under control. The tricky part with that is does he meet criteria for inpatient hospitalization. He is not homocidal or suicidal from what you have shared. He isn’t overtly psychotic (hallucinating, having delusions, etc). He would be admitted under the category “gravely disabled”. Not a problem except it takes more detailed information about what’s going on, usually given by the family. Things like impact on sleep/appetite/ADLs. Irrational fears being expressed, anything that is an exacerbation and alteration from baseline functioning.

If he was in BR I could provide more assistance. I will tell you that the best ER to take him to is likely one that is at the hospital where the Geri-psych unit you want him to go to. Logistically it just is easier and more likely he would be admitted to that unit from their own hospital ER. And he definitely needs an ER visit for medical work-up and clearance for IP psych. They might find something that is exacerbating his psych symptoms and can be addressed medically in addition to his actual psych illness.

This is the field I work in so feel free to ask anyquwstuinsnand I will do my best to answer you. I’m sorry you are having to deal with this. Especially on what should be a great weekend for you to celebrate your own marriage. As others have said, boundaries are important. And yes- connecting with others in a similar situation to yours will help you keep your own sanity while living through this.