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re: Coworker of mine is getting a divorce
Posted on 4/25/24 at 4:21 pm to jizzle6609
Posted on 4/25/24 at 4:21 pm to jizzle6609
quote:
Its very frustrating because I think everyone knows the truth and is just unwilling to come to terms but we have to.
You say the truth you get canceled and called a racist
0
Posted on 4/25/24 at 4:22 pm to jizzle6609
quote:
Because the leader is a man. Men are responsible for keeping their kids in line, not the women.
I agree 100%, but that doesn’t make the man more “critically important” as you said. It simply means that men have their roles and women have theirs. They’re complementary.
Posted on 4/25/24 at 4:24 pm to Dadren
You are correck.Our roles are exactly complimentary. God made us that way.
Problem is - a lot of women don't understand that and/ or do not want that role.
Problem is - a lot of women don't understand that and/ or do not want that role.
Posted on 4/25/24 at 4:42 pm to Dadren
quote:I see your point but look at it from a modern American man's POV. You can still provide well, keep your emotions in check, and be there for the kids but the woman can pack up, take the kids, take 50% of your hard earned assets, put you on alimony and child support just because she temporarily lost her "fee fees."
The majority of adults end up obese or overweight. Does this mean you personally are likely to end up that way simply because of “statistics” or do you have some control over that outcome
Men are aware now. Gaslighting them to "keep the tradition" going isn't going to keep them falling for the trap. You either have to change the laws or change women's behavior.
This post was edited on 4/25/24 at 4:46 pm
Posted on 4/25/24 at 5:47 pm to grizzlylongcut
I almost filed when my twins were 6 months old. I held on for 2 more loooonnng years before the dam broke. Divorce is rarely a good thing but in my case it probably saved my life (literally).
When you get to a point where you ENJOY going to work and HATE being home, that’s a problem. When you start becoming jealous of people dying from disease, that is a HUGE problem. Sometimes walking away is better than staying.
When you get to a point where you ENJOY going to work and HATE being home, that’s a problem. When you start becoming jealous of people dying from disease, that is a HUGE problem. Sometimes walking away is better than staying.
Posted on 4/25/24 at 6:10 pm to Limitlesstigers
quote:
I see your point but look at it from a modern American man's POV. You can still provide well, keep your emotions in check, and be there for the kids but the woman can pack up, take the kids, take 50% of your hard earned assets, put you on alimony and child support just because she temporarily lost her "fee fees."
Men are aware now. Gaslighting them to "keep the tradition" going isn't going to keep them falling for the trap. You either have to change the laws or change women's behavior.
I agree there’s a problem with the laws, and I think the solution is to do away with no-fault divorce.
However, I think the whole “I was a good husband and she just left for no reason with half my stuff” narrative is very overblown. Even if you read divorce threads on the OT, this isn’t what most divorced guys are self-reporting.
IRL, usually both the husband and wife quit on the marriage months or even years before the divorce, then one (typically the woman) eventually calls it and files. Either because someone has an affair or someone simply gets tired of living in a corpse of a marriage. It’s pretty rare that a mentally well person will leave a good marriage and/or a good spouse, man or woman.
Posted on 4/25/24 at 6:58 pm to Dadren
quote:
IRL, usually both the husband and wife quit on the marriage months or even years before the divorce, then one (typically the woman) eventually calls it and files. Either because someone has an affair or someone simply gets tired of living in a corpse of a marriage. It’s pretty rare that a mentally well person will leave a good marriage and/or a good spouse, man or woman.
Not in IRL in my circle at least. Statistically this isn't true either. The guy is usually overworked and it's taking a toll physically. Wife is usually unwilling to change lifestyles to catch up with inflation or a slowdown in economic demand. Files for divorce thinking she can do "better" but almost always ends up a single mom statistic.
Posted on 4/25/24 at 8:06 pm to Limitlesstigers
quote:
Statistically this isn't true either. The guy is usually overworked and it's taking a toll physically. Wife is usually unwilling to change lifestyles to catch up with inflation or a slowdown in economic demand.
What statistics have you seen that support this?
Posted on 4/25/24 at 8:17 pm to Limitlesstigers
quote:
The guy is usually overworked and it's taking a toll physically.
Awwww horseshite. I know as many if not more women that work just as hard as their husbands. The husbands want to be able to just come home after work and frick off and go hang with the guys on the weekend while expecting the wives to handle everything at the house
Posted on 4/25/24 at 10:24 pm to Sao
quote:
None of our business
So it's our business that they are getting a divorce, but not why?
Posted on 4/26/24 at 2:33 am to Dadren
Kids from single fathers have outcomes much better than kids from single mothers.
It absolutely matters to have a good Dad around MORE than a mother.
It absolutely matters to have a good Dad around MORE than a mother.
Posted on 4/26/24 at 6:44 am to crazyatthecamp
quote:
Kids from single fathers have outcomes much better than kids from single mothers.
True, but it’s not really an apples to apples comparison because, on average, the circumstances leading to single parenthood differ for men and women.
Almost all single dads are either divorced or widowed, meaning that the children are more likely to have had both parents in their lives at some point. This is better for outcomes (again, on average) and less likely to be true single moms…a high percentage of whom are raising kids who don’t even know their fathers.
Single dads, on average, are also older and make more money. Which is a plus for men, but that doesn’t necessarily make one a better, more influential or even a more important parent.
If you’ve seen a study that controls for all of these (age, earnings, education, involvement of other parent), my guess is that the outcomes are probably pretty close with minor differences in different categories that align with the relative strengths and weaknesses men and women bring to the table as parents.
So, no I don’t think single parent outcomes are indicative of this:
quote:
It absolutely matters to have a good Dad around MORE than a mother.
I’m not sure you can compare the parenting dynamics of single parents to a married couple in this way. There are too many differences.
And, again, why would you feel like you need to? I’m really struggling to understand the point to establishing one sex as being more important than the other in parenting.
Personally, my wife is a GREAT mom. I tell her all the time and maybe more importantly, I tell her that in front of my kids. I want them to see me cheering her on so they know I value her and in turn, they’ll value her. What would I gain from trying to devalue her place in our home?
Posted on 4/26/24 at 6:58 am to grizzlylongcut
One thing to note about the "divorce rate" or the slogan that "over half of all marriages end in divorce" is that the numbers are skewed by repeat offenders i.e. you have the same people getting married and divorced multiple times. For example, my MIL has been married and divorced four fricking times.
Posted on 4/26/24 at 7:01 am to DevilDagNS
quote:
For example, my MIL has been married and divorced four fricking times.
My SIL has been divorced 7 times. True story
Posted on 4/26/24 at 7:05 am to Dadren
quote:
agree 100%, but that doesn’t make the man more “critically important”
So everything that a person teaches is of equal importance? Teaching your son not to hit a women and treat them with respect is critically more important than learning how to wash dishes or put your underwater on. Teaching your son not to be a violent animal that can intimidate and hurt other people is more important than learning to wipe your arse.
Just my opinion but these things are weighted. Sorry.
Posted on 4/26/24 at 7:10 am to Dadren
I'm gonna chime in here on single momma's - I know a number of them and have dated a few over the years.
Mom's are nurterer's, care-takers and lovers. They raise their kids with the soft side - and in a lot cases, they are total push-overs when he comes to keeping their kids in line and discipline, standards, etc.Many mom's want to be friends with their kids instead of parents.
You would be amazed at the excuses they make. Again - 10 years of this myself.
Dad's are ususally teachers and standard bearers. We tell our kids the truth and hold them accountable.
It is not about how much money they make or how old they are.
Mom's are nurterer's, care-takers and lovers. They raise their kids with the soft side - and in a lot cases, they are total push-overs when he comes to keeping their kids in line and discipline, standards, etc.Many mom's want to be friends with their kids instead of parents.
You would be amazed at the excuses they make. Again - 10 years of this myself.
Dad's are ususally teachers and standard bearers. We tell our kids the truth and hold them accountable.
It is not about how much money they make or how old they are.
Posted on 4/26/24 at 7:26 am to Btrtigerfan
quote:
The idea of another man holding and playing with my children while I'm out of the picture would infuriate me more than what he was doing in bed with my wife.
I'm one of those guys. You best hope she picks a man that will help raise the kids properly, rather than one that breaks them down mentally or physically.
My step children who I raised as my own are adults. I consider it an honor that I was chosen to raise them, and that they look to me for advice, help, and to walk them down the isle.
Posted on 4/26/24 at 7:40 am to wheelz007
Why would you think that this:
Is more important than this:
They seem equally important to me.
When it comes to outcomes it absolutely does matter. Not raising a kid in poverty is a huge boost, I don’t think that can be argued.
And the relative age difference likely has a lot to do with single moms propensity to do this:
And a single dads ability to do this:
Age matters because maturity drives both those things.
quote:
Dad's are ususally teachers and standard bearers. We tell our kids the truth and hold them accountable.
Is more important than this:
quote:
Mom's are nurterer's, care-takers
They seem equally important to me.
quote:
It is not about how much money they make or how old they are.
When it comes to outcomes it absolutely does matter. Not raising a kid in poverty is a huge boost, I don’t think that can be argued.
And the relative age difference likely has a lot to do with single moms propensity to do this:
quote:
Many mom's want to be friends with their kids instead of parents
And a single dads ability to do this:
quote:
Dad's are ususally teachers and standard bearers.
Age matters because maturity drives both those things.
This post was edited on 4/26/24 at 7:46 am
Posted on 4/26/24 at 7:43 am to jizzle6609
quote:
Teaching your son not to hit a women and treat them with respect is critically more important than learning how to wash dishes or put your underwater on. Teaching your son not to be a violent animal that can intimidate and hurt other people is more important than learning to wipe your arse.
Those aren’t lopsided comparisons at all.
Posted on 4/26/24 at 7:43 am to jizzle6609
quote:
So everything that a person teaches is of equal importance? Teaching your son not to hit a women and treat them with respect is critically more important than learning how to wash dishes or put your underwater on. Teaching your son not to be a violent animal that can intimidate and hurt other people is more important than learning to wipe your arse.
Just my opinion but these things are weighted. Sorry.
jesus
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