re: .

Ultimately life is about learning lessons and growing spiritually. Life experiences aren’t really good or bad they just are what they are. There is no external savior. It’s a disempowering myth of religion. But you can look within and figure yourself out and that’s when you get aligned with flow/God/the Universe. At that point life starts to click more smoothly. Doesn’t mean that future events won’t be challenging. Esoteric Christianity and Buddhism fundamentally teach the same thing. People get lost in the dogma.

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Could use some prayers or advice

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If you're going through hell, keep going. - Winston Churchill

Prayers sent for better times.

Everyone is important and I think everyone has what it takes to transcend the difficulties of life. This has been a challenging year for me also. Just have to try and live in the moment and try to make the best decisions that you can. One day at a time. Every experience is an opportunity for growth. Hang in there!

Just be vague and dont give away anything that will dox yourself.

I promise you the struggles you want to share are already had by many on here.

I am by far no expert my friend, and I have had some really bad times in my life - almost died a couple times, cheated on by Fiancé which led to a bankruptcy. had a few years of really dark times, contemplated suicide a few times, and began to drink heavily.

all I can say is after the dark times, life got a little better and i found a little happiness, and then met my wife - and we will be celebrating 10 years marriage next week. it may seem like hollow words, but take it from someone with experience in really low areas mentally - it will get better. will it get to be easy from then on, absolutely not - but you will find the bad times aren't too bad, and it is more good than bad.

all the best

Prayers sent.

Remember, he will never give you more than you can handle.

Life is a journey, and parts of that journey suck really bad, but in the end it’s the suckie parts that make the good parts so good.

As was said before, everyone goes through some level of shite. I don’t know your level of shite, but I know mine and everyone else I knows level of shite helped make them better happier people in the end. Take it one day at a time.

Friend,

How happy I was to read your update. Know that we have been praying for you throughout the day.

Sincerely,
TulaneLSU

As I mentioned last night, your OP sparked a chain of thoughts in my mind. I don't know if you will find it helpful, but in case you might, I'm happy to share in case you revisit this thread and don't mind slogging through my thoughts. You did ask for prayers or advice. Regrettably, I believe I need to be long-winded. If I simply say you need to realize you should feel your pain but understand you are not your pain right now without context (there's your TLDR summary if you prefer to not read through), I think it's more likely than not you'll hear me, perhaps have a flicker of recognition of the truth in this, then move on without fully digesting it.

Disclaimer: I'm not a doctor, a psychologist or priest & this isn't medical or professional advice. It's just a series of thoughts that arose in my mind in response to reading your post... I do, though, hope you and/or others find food for thought in my reply.

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The last 3 years have been a nightmare for me. I have had nothing go my way. I've lost about everything and keep getting hurt over and over. Every time I feel like life might turn around, I get ran over by something else. I have kept my faith, but don't even know if I'm loved or cared about. I pray all day every day and don't get anywhere. Lately I'm either crying myself to sleep or just numb. I'm starting to be angry to the ones I love and co workers and can't stop myself from doing so. I tried counseling and it didnt work. If I wasn't a Christian, I honestly dont think I would be here right now.

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Notice what I bolded in your OP and hold that thought.

This thread is more about psychology than anything else, but I want to draw on the parable of the rich young man / young ruler to explain a couple of ideas. As a Christian, perhaps this will help keep your faith steady. I'm linking both the Matthew & Luke versions as there are differences and each one supports my arguments in different places.
Matthew 19:16-22
Luke 18:18-23
If you read the links, you may already see some of the connection I'd like to make, but it's not explicit. It is interesting (to me anyway) that some truths in the Bible tend to be rather hidden / occulted so that you have to think about it and return later for fuller meaning to reveal itself. The very fact that we cannot know Jesus' words and life directly (he never wrote his own gospel), but have to approach what he said through the lens of Matthew, Luke, etc., is an interesting parallel to Platonic thought, whereby we have to strive towards the perfect through the imperfect. The differences in the versions of the parable are a good example of this... but I digress.

In any case, to make sense of this parable and it's relevance to you, consider the Buddha for a moment. Buddhism often explains concepts like suffering rather explicitly in contrast to parables in which truth is discretely layered. The story goes that as he sat under a tree meditating, the process of becoming enlightened was achieved simultaneously with and perhaps because he overcame all worldly desire. He went on to state in the first of his Four Noble Truths that pain and suffering were intrinsically a part of our temporal, transitory lives; sometimes due to natural factors like growing, aging, and sickness, but also sometimes due to not gaining our desires and to perceptions about our mental constructs by which we live. (This is a rough & incomplete paraphrasing; I welcome anyone to refine or correct what I wrote.)

Apply this to the parable now. The young man didn't experience suffering as a result of being rich. He led a nearly perfect, admirable, noble life, honoring his father & mother and living up to the words of the commandments to the point he had no qualms stating so to Jesus' face (something perhaps none of us could truthfully do). Since Jesus didn't call him out as a liar, his claim seems true. It wasn't until he asked Jesus if there was anything else he lacked that Jesus told him to sell his possessions and follow him in the Matthew version (footnote 1). This-- the gap between what he wanted and what he had to give up to get what he wanted-- became his source of suffering once he understood. It was a mental realization and then an emotional response.

The more deeply you understand the above, the more you empower yourself to work through your issues. While others in this thread think you haven't shared enough detail, I think you've shared plenty. I bolded it above. The specifics-- whether you lost your job, your wife, your house, etc.-- are the details of the pattern of loss and suffering and don't matter as much as the pattern itself or that after enduring successive waves of loss, you feel you've lost many things by which you defined yourself.

You should write out every disappointment on paper, including what your expectations were, what happened, what you think went wrong, and what you think you can learn from it. This process in itself may prove cathartic. But there is another idea I want to discuss that I think may help you.

Are you familiar with negative theology? (also known as "via negativa" in Latin / "apophis" in Greek / or "neti neti" (not this not that) in Hindu) It's a way of understanding God by understanding what God is not. I won't explain it in depth as I don't want to make this post religious, but I want you to understand that some people-- including at least one psychologist I remember listening to on a podcast many years ago-- have found this approach a useful thought exercise in helping people let go of issues.

In practice, it's often a somewhat meditative act of sitting or laying down and stating a series of statements of negation, like: I am not my body. I am not my job. I am not my credit score. I am not a victim of __. I am not my feeling of __. And so on. This can help release you from the mental constructs and ideas that are causing your misery and constraining you from living. Btw, did you notice this process in either version of the parable above? Reread the first two lines of the Luke version where the young man greets Jesus as "good teacher", to which Jesus rejects the label of "good", ascribing that to God alone. That is an act of negation, and in some ways explains why Jesus could state his yoke was easy and burden was light.

Others in the thread have given some decent advice to work out or take up some other activity to engage your mind and body in a way that redirects you. This isn't wrong and it may slowly but surely help, but it can be like randomly casting seeds in a garden without a plan. It is passive in a way, seeking to avoid the cause of pain by distraction and new habits-- sort of like rushing to apply a new coat of paint over something without sanding and priming it first. Maybe you can get away with it, but the facade will not be as strong as it could be. It would, though, still be an improvement over ruminating about things which perhaps no longer exist; over thoughts that have no vitality. One way or another you have to let go of the things which are keeping you in misery if you want to move on with life. While the rich boy needed to let go of his wealth, the possessions you need to let go of are your thoughts. There's a time for grieving, but if this has been going on for 3 years, you are letting your thoughts passively dictate your emotions.

to be continued...

Look up Shad Helmstetter.

I have struggled with negative thought patterns.

His writings can help you rewire your brain to be more positive.

Keep your faith.
Make a new friend.
Stay away from drugs and alcohol.
Improve your fitness.
Help someone else.

You are here for a purpose. You are important. You are part of God’s plan.
Don’t give up.
Somebody needs you.

“You are good enough, and smart enough, and doggone it, people like you.”

Hang in there.