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Posted on 5/7/18 at 4:57 pm to Dave_O
quote:
Roach brings up a good point. Do some research. All facilities are NOT created equal. They are great ones where staff takes pride in their jobs, and there are absolute dumps were people basically show up to collect a paycheck.
Trying to find an open bed in a facility you're willing to put a loved one in can be a chore. Most of the nicer places were full when I was little looking. Ine place was so fricking nasty I turned around and walked out when I went to visit. They could have been free and I wouldn't have put her there. The lobby smelled like piss.
Posted on 5/7/18 at 5:02 pm to dpd901
Home health along with the family presence in the area sounds like pop’s best option.
Posted on 5/7/18 at 5:02 pm to dpd901
I set my life back and took off two years from my job and never went back after taking time to care for my grandparents in their last years. Looking back it was a great decision. Loved the time I got with them.
Posted on 5/7/18 at 5:07 pm to dpd901
Nursing homes in Louisiana are generally terrible. If you can get good home health visits you may be better off, from my personal experience.
Posted on 5/7/18 at 5:13 pm to dpd901
I've done both. My dad (step dad) we careful for at home after being incapacitated by a brain tumor. It was difficult even though he was at home with my mom but we managed.
My father is in a nursing home because there is no damn way I'm taking care of him. I manage his business afairs but other than that someone else can take care of that a-hole.
In closing, it really depends on your relationship with your parent. Care at home will be very trying on your marriage and family but can be done if everyone is aware of the difficulties.
My father is in a nursing home because there is no damn way I'm taking care of him. I manage his business afairs but other than that someone else can take care of that a-hole.
In closing, it really depends on your relationship with your parent. Care at home will be very trying on your marriage and family but can be done if everyone is aware of the difficulties.
Posted on 5/7/18 at 5:17 pm to shawnlsu
quote:
I manage his business afairs
That's a chore in itself.
Posted on 5/7/18 at 5:50 pm to FightinTigersDammit
quote:
quote: I manage his business afairs
That's a chore in itself.
Especially with multiple siblings, depending on the siblings. The OP will have the benefit of being able to say, "This is what mom wants for dad.", which ought to carry some weight.
Posted on 5/7/18 at 5:52 pm to tigerfoot
Thanks to all for the compassionate and thorough responses. We’d defintiely need a Skilled nurse facility with therapy, etc.
We’re looking in Thibodaux. There was one that I was really comfortable with, but they didn’t have a bed. Could change any day. One I was on the fence about, that’s opening a brand new wing in a few weeks. And one that I was absolutely opposed to.
Gonna be tough no matter what we do.
Dad’s been in an LTAC facility and his days end next week. We’ve got big decisions to make and not much time to make them.
quote:
Are you looking in Thibodaux or elsewhere?
We’re looking in Thibodaux. There was one that I was really comfortable with, but they didn’t have a bed. Could change any day. One I was on the fence about, that’s opening a brand new wing in a few weeks. And one that I was absolutely opposed to.
Gonna be tough no matter what we do.
Dad’s been in an LTAC facility and his days end next week. We’ve got big decisions to make and not much time to make them.
Posted on 5/7/18 at 6:00 pm to dpd901
My wife’s father passed away in our house this past November. He was completely bedridden.
It’s good for them because they’re in comfortable surroundings.
It’s hell for the family and for the primary caregiver. You’ll be taking care of an adult toddler physically but they can’t even help as much as a toddler. My wife was physically and mentally worn out at the end.
ETA: He was in hospice care for the last six months and even with hospice help it is an overwhelming task.
It’s good for them because they’re in comfortable surroundings.
It’s hell for the family and for the primary caregiver. You’ll be taking care of an adult toddler physically but they can’t even help as much as a toddler. My wife was physically and mentally worn out at the end.
ETA: He was in hospice care for the last six months and even with hospice help it is an overwhelming task.
This post was edited on 5/7/18 at 6:02 pm
Posted on 5/7/18 at 6:00 pm to dpd901
If you don't have a couple of friends with relatives in the faculty you're looking, I'll offer a suggestion. I stopped people who appeared to be visiting in the parking lot and asked them about the place. It sounds obnoxious - actually, it is kind of obnoxious - but to a person, they all stopped and gave me their opinions about the place. They were once in the same boat, so most people are willing to help.
Posted on 5/7/18 at 6:01 pm to White Roach
My sister took care of our Mom's finances and did a magnificent job.
This post was edited on 5/7/18 at 6:27 pm
Posted on 5/7/18 at 6:01 pm to dpd901
I would keep my parent at home as long as possible. We did that with my father, and it was terribly difficult, but it was the right decision for us.
Posted on 5/7/18 at 6:03 pm to VABuckeye
quote:
My wife was physically and mentally worn out at the end.
The psychological strain is terrible. No matter how kind hearted you are and no matter how much you love them, it gets old and it's stressful. The primary caregiver needs some relief and I'm not talking about a day or two a month.
Posted on 5/7/18 at 6:10 pm to FightinTigersDammit
quote:
That's a chore in itself
Especially with someone with early onset dementia on top of Parkinson's. Not to mention my own job and family. Time has been of short supply lately. Not to mention my father is a POS, but for some reason I feel obligated to make sure he is taken care of.
This post was edited on 5/7/18 at 6:34 pm
Posted on 5/7/18 at 6:15 pm to dpd901
Does his present facility have a social worker that can offer any advice or referrals?
Posted on 5/7/18 at 6:36 pm to dpd901
As an ex home health nurse, home health is an intermittent service and generally not provided on a daily basis. You would be lucky to have a nurse’s aide visit for baths/hygiene twice a week. If nursing is needed, possibly once a week. Physical Therapy is usually multiple visits per week, but is also considered on an intermittent basis.
Sounds to me that for basic care you will need help at times you or other family are not available to help. This is a service that can be provided by a private pay company such as Home Instead. Not plugging this company, it just happens to be a name I am familiar with. This type of care will be pretty expensive and is usually provided at set times. In other words, if helps is needed outside of the times scheduled, it most likely will not be available. I wish you well, as this is a hard road to travel.
Sounds to me that for basic care you will need help at times you or other family are not available to help. This is a service that can be provided by a private pay company such as Home Instead. Not plugging this company, it just happens to be a name I am familiar with. This type of care will be pretty expensive and is usually provided at set times. In other words, if helps is needed outside of the times scheduled, it most likely will not be available. I wish you well, as this is a hard road to travel.
Posted on 5/7/18 at 6:41 pm to dpd901
1. Having him in hospice at the end is key.
Work that out in advance.
Then the coroner doesn't have to determine cause of death. As opposed to being at home where some might kill him for the inheritance.
2
Say goodbyes early and often.
Let everyone have a chance to forgive and be forgiven..
Work that out in advance.
Then the coroner doesn't have to determine cause of death. As opposed to being at home where some might kill him for the inheritance.
2
Say goodbyes early and often.
Let everyone have a chance to forgive and be forgiven..
This post was edited on 5/7/18 at 6:44 pm
Posted on 5/7/18 at 6:48 pm to Napoleon
quote:
I set my life back and took off two years from my job and never went back after taking time to care for my grandparents in their last years. Looking back it was a great decision. Loved the time I got with them.
SO was a late in life baby and had elderly parents who she took care of as nearly a full time job. It derailed her career, negatively affected her relationship with her siblings, was a major contributer to the end of her first marriage, and four years after the death of her last remaining parent, she still hasn't fully recovered emotionally.
She did right by her parents and made things much easier for them than they would have been otherwise, but no good deed goes unpunished.
Posted on 5/7/18 at 6:54 pm to dpd901
You have gotten a lot of solid advice in this thread so far. I would suggest you find out if the hospital your dad is in has a palliative medicine service. If so, request a consult with them for “goals of care planning”. Palliative medicine sometimes gets a rep as the gateway to hospice but it is really much more than that. They are trained to talk through some of these decisions with families and determine what’s realistic. Since enthey are physicians, they can assimilate all the medical clinical info and have a frank conversation about options and future wishes for care.
If there is no palliative medicine service, ask to speak to the social worker for this same discussion.
It is entirely possible to effectively care for your father at home with enough committed family members and support from home health. When you are selecting a home health service, remember you are the customer. Not in the sense that they can provide whatever you want. There are certain limits. But the service they can provide should be done consistently and with quality. If you don’t think they are providing the quality service you want you are free to “fire” them and go with another service. The biggest consideration there is your dad’s insurance and any network limitations.
This is a difficult decision and will continue to cause stress for you and your family. No matter what decision you make. It is obvious that your dad is loved and your family will ensure he is taken care of. Good luck with these decisions.
If there is no palliative medicine service, ask to speak to the social worker for this same discussion.
It is entirely possible to effectively care for your father at home with enough committed family members and support from home health. When you are selecting a home health service, remember you are the customer. Not in the sense that they can provide whatever you want. There are certain limits. But the service they can provide should be done consistently and with quality. If you don’t think they are providing the quality service you want you are free to “fire” them and go with another service. The biggest consideration there is your dad’s insurance and any network limitations.
This is a difficult decision and will continue to cause stress for you and your family. No matter what decision you make. It is obvious that your dad is loved and your family will ensure he is taken care of. Good luck with these decisions.
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