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Started By
Message
re: Are your parents pushovers for the grandkids?
Posted on 12/30/25 at 8:17 pm to LSUHeights
Posted on 12/30/25 at 8:17 pm to LSUHeights
+100000
0
Posted on 12/30/25 at 8:49 pm to SaintlyTiger88
And….Great Grand Kids
Posted on 12/30/25 at 9:02 pm to LemmyLives
quote:
This fascination with staying with family is perplexing, unless you're broke. I
Because I wanted my kid to spend time with his grandmother man....I get now after trying thats not happening now and honestly feel kinda dumb
quote:
let your 3 year old make comments about not liking it, and didn't respond with some way to turn it into him learning to be flexible, or testing out different kinds of beds, or "isn't it cool there is a place downstairs that has cookies?"
Not included in the post but we did..made getting breakfast a whole fun thing...walked around the grounds, explored..let him press elevator buttons... but yea... getting told to leave my parents house to a grungy hotel sucks and he didnt love our room..we made rhe best of it tho
quote:
about the ABC hotel, and watch how fast they'll probably say yes. It disrupts their lives, not just having two adults in their house, but a toddler they have to deal with. That's nobody's fault, it's reality.
Yea see...our first trip to visit i did just that..said I planned to get an aur bnb to not impose....my mom freaked out and insisted we stay there..only to then reroute us ever subsequent time. But she's a massive control freak so if i say we're staying at an air bnb she needs to change the plan if I say we wanna go there she needs to change the plan.
Ive learned my lesson though... next time we visit town we're staying at an air bnb..its not up for discussion anymore
Posted on 12/30/25 at 9:07 pm to BrohemAlem11
That sucks, man. As a man, as you get older, you'll start to see through that what your parents say isn't necessarily what they mean, it's what they think they're expected to say. Not pushing back on it and solving the problem before it occurs puts you in the Scottish Inn at the last minute instead of a Courtyard. 
Posted on 12/30/25 at 9:08 pm to LemmyLives
quote:
This fascination with staying with family is perplexing, unless you're broke. I don't want friends or family dictating when we wake up, go to bed, make coffee, etc. Rent a fricking $90 a night room at the Courtyard. You are dumping that amount of money on gas, snacks, and food on the road.
You let your 3 year old make comments about not liking it, and didn't respond with some way to turn it into him learning to be flexible, or testing out different kinds of beds, or "isn't it cool there is a place downstairs that has cookies?"
Ask them the question again, but mention that you're thinking about the ABC hotel, and watch how fast they'll probably say yes. It disrupts their lives, not just having two adults in their house, but a toddler they have to deal with. That's nobody's fault, it's reality.
I’ve always enjoyed staying with family and having them stay with us, especially during the holidays
You seem like a completely miserable person or have a real shitty family. Or, more likely, both
Posted on 12/30/25 at 9:27 pm to LemmyLives
Its either less or more complicated than that.... my mom is just a text book control freak. This kost recent cancelation was literally because I didnt go along w a plan change that had nothing to do with her. I wanted to bring my son in for mardi gras and visit them in the process..I was gonna meet up w some friends who live uptown and take in the daytime uptown route parades for as long as the kid was enjoying it. She texted saying she felt the Metairie parades would be better and easier for us....I disagreed and said what we would be doing. She stewed for a few days then 4 days later out of nowhere remembered that they planned to go out of town that weekend.
The time before that she was persevering ib my son falling down the stairs in the middle of the night...I explained that wasnt gonna happen...she said she would feel better if my wife and him shared a bed in one room and I in another. My wife didnt wanna share a bed w him...thats dumb and wasnt nessecrary so I said no hell be fine.... then 2 days before we get there there is some water issue...I booked yall a hotel.
Ive spent enough years away from her that I think I forgot how pathological she can be... having my son i guess made me wanna try again... 3 years into being a dad im realizing that was probably a mistake and my instincts as an 18 year old were actually the correct ones lol
The time before that she was persevering ib my son falling down the stairs in the middle of the night...I explained that wasnt gonna happen...she said she would feel better if my wife and him shared a bed in one room and I in another. My wife didnt wanna share a bed w him...thats dumb and wasnt nessecrary so I said no hell be fine.... then 2 days before we get there there is some water issue...I booked yall a hotel.
Ive spent enough years away from her that I think I forgot how pathological she can be... having my son i guess made me wanna try again... 3 years into being a dad im realizing that was probably a mistake and my instincts as an 18 year old were actually the correct ones lol
Posted on 12/30/25 at 9:31 pm to Sun God
quote:
You seem like a completely miserable person or have a real shitty family. Or, more likely, both
I'm Gen X, so yes. But I like to control my surroundings to the extent possible, both for my sanity and that of my kids. I don't want my kids crammed into a room with a queen sized bed and a bedroll on the floor, etc.
You know the saying that good fences make good neighbors? Good boundaries make happier families.
Posted on 12/30/25 at 9:35 pm to BrohemAlem11
quote:
my mom is just a text book control freak.
Remember that when you're looking at your dad across the room, and that he's been dealing with it for decades.
When you don't stay with people, they lose a lot of the vote on your activities. "Hey, we're going to the aquarium after lunch, but we'll see you at dinner," is a ton easier when you aren't staying with them.
Posted on 12/30/25 at 9:50 pm to LemmyLives
quote:
When you don't stay with people, they lose a lot of the vote on your activities
Again...something I realize now...when I left after high school I never looked back. I was the guy in the basement of an empty herget hall doing laundry on a broken expensive machine instesd of driving an hour south back home on the weekend..between semesters id couch surf in random apartments. I think years of keeping my distance made me forget and wanted my son to spend as much time w grandma as I could arrange.
I told my wife after this last time...not all incidents have been listed btw... its really not up for negotiation anymore... we're staying elsewhere and she can visit on whatever schedule we decide works for our family. Im very much a frick everyone not under my roof dad/husband lol
Posted on 12/30/25 at 10:03 pm to BrohemAlem11
I love My daughter without any reservation. But my 6 year old grand daughter is a whole different other kind of thing. I spoil her but I don’t overdo it and mostly I just want to spend more time with her. It is so much fun to watch her grow up and learn, to help her learn and grow. And the stuff she comes up with keeps me laughing .
As much fun (and challenging) as having kids was, grandkids are even better
As much fun (and challenging) as having kids was, grandkids are even better
Posted on 12/30/25 at 10:16 pm to SaintlyTiger88
One day when you get there you will understand the purpose of life being a grandparent. It’s not something you will understand as a parent, but it’s an epiphany when you have grandchildren.
Posted on 12/30/25 at 10:44 pm to BrohemAlem11
quote:
I think years of keeping my distance made me forget and wanted my son to spend as much time w grandma as I could arrange.
That's very interesting.
My mom insisted I was not allowed to go to college within a 4 hour drive of where they were stationed, because she did not want me driving home to do laundry, and wanted me to be independent. That backfired on her a decade later when I told her under no circumstances could she stay at my house, or sleep in my kid's beds (there's more to it, but not for this thread.)
The feeling of giving too much of a shite about parents, cousins, etc. is rife here. We turn a corner when we realize it is about *our* family (meaning your kids and spouse) being more important than anyone else.
You kept your distance for a reason, and thought a tiger might change it's stripes. Unless there's been therapy or major changes, it's usually going to be the same as it ever was.
This post was edited on 12/30/25 at 10:46 pm
Posted on 12/30/25 at 10:51 pm to SaintlyTiger88
My grandmother taught sixth grade and my grandfather was a high school basketball coach and principal. They ran a tight ship let me tell you.
Posted on 12/30/25 at 11:31 pm to SaintlyTiger88
quote:
I’m sure this is pretty standard across the board, but my question is, were your parents strict and hard on you but total pushovers for your kids? Basically, they went from one end of the spectrum to another?
The burden of being the bad cop should be removed by then. Something I’ve recently realized is that the feeling of pride and accomplishment is greatly increased by being a grandparent. I’m too young to have grandkids but old enough to interact with people becoming grandparents and I will say I didn’t exactly appreciate what they feel until recently.
People say they experience drastic changes upon becoming a parent, but I’d say I’m seeing the same thing with people becoming grandparents.
I don’t know what it used to be like for a lot of families, but it seems like now lots of grandparents have the time and resources to be a significant part of their grandkids lives.
Posted on 12/31/25 at 12:23 am to SaintlyTiger88
Going on four years now I do not think I have even raised my voice to my grandson. Can't say that I haven't watched my daughter threaten bad things to him though. I just acted like I didn't see or hear anything though. 
Posted on 12/31/25 at 12:27 am to SaintlyTiger88
Thing I’ve learned is that your parents become your older kids when you have babies
Posted on 12/31/25 at 7:54 am to LemmyLives
quote:
kept your distance for a reason, and thought a tiger might change it's stripes. Unless there's been therapy or major changes, it's usually going to be the same as it ever was
She actually did go to counseling for awhile and was starting to admit that her behavior was detrimental....then my sister (who her behavior affected far worse than me) broke up w her fiance and my mom was able to say WAIT NO HE WAS THE PRIBLEM NOT ME SEE I TOLD YALL... stopped therapy and turned her behavior back up to 11
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