re: Are their any petty crimes that you routinely commit?

I used to surf a lot in California when I dropped out of college. This crew I was hanging with had a crazy idea about giving back to the people. So we’d get jacked up and rob banks. It was a rush! We’d wear dead presidents masks and everything.

We let some quarterback punk join our group and everything went to shite. Turns out he was FBI. I got away though, those idiots thought I was dumb enough to kill myself on the big one. Vaya con Dios.

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embarrassed at being a thief

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Eh. Most of the folks condemning me probably do the same type of shite. Using the restroom at a gas station when you're supposed to purchase something but you dont is the same thing.

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Eh. Most of the folks condemning me probably do the same type of shite.

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Highly doubtful.

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Using the restroom at a gas station when you're supposed to purchase something but you dont is the same thing.

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No. Using the bathroom and then grabbing a couple of bags of ice would be the same thing since, you know, they're both stealing.

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$2 bag of ice is affecting your retirement you should probably work a few more years just to be

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And you just know he's the first son of a bitch staying at a hotel, that goes running to the front desk and complains when there's no ice.

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It isn't bag ice

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No, you said you get 40-50lbs of ice there a week. Let's call that $5 a week worth of ice you steal times 104 weeks (2 years like you said). That's over $500 that you've stolen from someone.

You may seriously be retarded.

Probably more around 3 or 4 dollars total.

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That's over $200 that you've stolen from someone.

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Over $500

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You may seriously be retarded.

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Occasionally, when there's a teenager shoulder-tapping in front of a liquor store, I'll buy them some beers, but only on the condition that I drink one with them in the creek behind the store.

Then, when we're drinking down in the creek, I point behind them and yell "Holy shite, is that Judd Nelson?" When they go to look (they always do), I drop a strong sedative into their beer. After the drugs have kicked in, I rifle through their pockets, take their wallet, and tie their shoes together.

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Your math is as bad as his moral compass

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I agree. I multiied by 2 for some reason.

I used to pay for one Dallas Morning News, and take two every morning in the 80's and 90's. Did it because I didn't want people in the office taking my sports section during the day. I hid my copy in a file cabinet, a left the other one out. Before I started doing this, my sports section would sometimes disappear before I got to read it. Really started doing it after one guy admitted he took my sports section into the bathroom with him.