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Started By
Message
1
Posted on 2/24/21 at 3:52 pm to hawgndodge
quote:
The 2 boys we adopted have completely destroyed our home. They refuse to follow rules, they've completely lied and just flat out made up stuff to get dcfs involved. We keep cameras in every room of the house now to protect ourselves from their crap. It's absolutely insane the stuff they will do. I'm convinced dcfs left stuff out of their file on purpose. The biggest mistake we've ever made. I get it, the boys need love, need a home, and we will continue to do our best but it's just so sad. They absolutely hate my wife, won't touch her. Therapist says they resent her because she's not their real mom and they don't wanna get attached. It's been 4 years.
Holy shite.
Posted on 2/24/21 at 6:54 pm to boxcarbarney
If I typed for an hour nonstop I might could tell you 1/5 of the crazy things. We nearly lost our jobs and our 2 biological kids almost got taken away and put in foster care themselves just because of the accusations.
I'll just leave it at that.
I'll just leave it at that.
Posted on 2/24/21 at 8:14 pm to alajones
My wife and I did it in our early 30's (50 now). We don't have kids of our own and can't have.
We learned quickly it wasn't for us. The children can come with huge problems (ours did). It only lasted a few months (maybe 6). Having kids, I'm sure you know the amount of work required. We left the program. It wasn't for us.
We learned quickly it wasn't for us. The children can come with huge problems (ours did). It only lasted a few months (maybe 6). Having kids, I'm sure you know the amount of work required. We left the program. It wasn't for us.
Posted on 2/25/21 at 10:58 am to alajones
Much like others have stated it's a mixed bag with a lot of ups and downs.
There's quite a bit that goes into getting certified and I'm not 100% on how it's working during covid as we keep our license active so all of our renewal training is online. We had to take in person classes a couple nights a week at the North Ardenwood DCFS location in BR for a few weeks to get all of our training done. Then there are fingerprints, a lot of paperwork to complete including financial documents, personal/work references and a physical by your doctor. Once that's complete there will be a home study where DCFS comes to your house to inspect everything before they sign off. One thing to remember when filling out your paperwork is that you can let them know what sorts of behavior you don't want to deal with, age range, how many, male/female or both.
Be prepared to get calls at all hours of the day with limited information on a child that doesn't even fall into the criteria you initially set. Louisiana is desperate for willing and able foster parents so case workers will throw everything at you and sometimes "miss" telling you some pertinent information. Our first placement came while I was on business in another state. There was a kid at my house with DCFS and my wife before I got home and the sibling arrived the next day. We have received calls in the middle of the night with a worker trying to find a place for a child that has no family capable of taking care of them even for a few days.
In our experience DCFS is understaffed and underfunded like most agencies that actually serve a real purpose imo. Don't get use to the same people calling you or even completing your homestudy/certification. Workers move around to different units and quit all the time. The good ones never last. The only saving grace we have had is that our case worker was the same for our entire ride with our adopted children. She's pretty much part of our family now and is godmother to one of our kids.
The money comes every month like clockwork but anybody that has raised kids knows it's only puts a dent in the costs. Thankfully we're financially stable enough that we didn't need it to make ends meet unlike some people who get into the system "just for the money". We just put the money we received in a savings account until adoption and then in their college fund.
Most importantly make sure this is something you, your wife, and any immediate family are completely onboard with. This will put a strain on your marriage, mental health and family like none other. I love my kids and wouldn't change anything that brought us to where we are today but I'm about ready to get off this ride once the baby is settled in to a long-term placement/forever home.
And remember...reunification is always the goal of DCFS so don't get attached too quickly as the birth parents have to do very little to get their kids back.
Hopefully this helps some and let me know if you want more info.
There's quite a bit that goes into getting certified and I'm not 100% on how it's working during covid as we keep our license active so all of our renewal training is online. We had to take in person classes a couple nights a week at the North Ardenwood DCFS location in BR for a few weeks to get all of our training done. Then there are fingerprints, a lot of paperwork to complete including financial documents, personal/work references and a physical by your doctor. Once that's complete there will be a home study where DCFS comes to your house to inspect everything before they sign off. One thing to remember when filling out your paperwork is that you can let them know what sorts of behavior you don't want to deal with, age range, how many, male/female or both.
Be prepared to get calls at all hours of the day with limited information on a child that doesn't even fall into the criteria you initially set. Louisiana is desperate for willing and able foster parents so case workers will throw everything at you and sometimes "miss" telling you some pertinent information. Our first placement came while I was on business in another state. There was a kid at my house with DCFS and my wife before I got home and the sibling arrived the next day. We have received calls in the middle of the night with a worker trying to find a place for a child that has no family capable of taking care of them even for a few days.
In our experience DCFS is understaffed and underfunded like most agencies that actually serve a real purpose imo. Don't get use to the same people calling you or even completing your homestudy/certification. Workers move around to different units and quit all the time. The good ones never last. The only saving grace we have had is that our case worker was the same for our entire ride with our adopted children. She's pretty much part of our family now and is godmother to one of our kids.
The money comes every month like clockwork but anybody that has raised kids knows it's only puts a dent in the costs. Thankfully we're financially stable enough that we didn't need it to make ends meet unlike some people who get into the system "just for the money". We just put the money we received in a savings account until adoption and then in their college fund.
Most importantly make sure this is something you, your wife, and any immediate family are completely onboard with. This will put a strain on your marriage, mental health and family like none other. I love my kids and wouldn't change anything that brought us to where we are today but I'm about ready to get off this ride once the baby is settled in to a long-term placement/forever home.
And remember...reunification is always the goal of DCFS so don't get attached too quickly as the birth parents have to do very little to get their kids back.
Hopefully this helps some and let me know if you want more info.
Posted on 2/25/21 at 4:45 pm to PickleRick_Dojo
That’s a lot of help. Thank you to everyone.
Posted on 4/13/22 at 3:43 pm to alajones
If you are fostering with the intention of adopting do not get too attached. Some friends of mine did this and after a year the little girl went back to her crackhead mother. Only a matter of time before she’s back in the system.
If you want to foster purely to make a difference in a young life then I salute you.
If you want to foster purely to make a difference in a young life then I salute you.
Posted on 4/13/22 at 3:45 pm to TigerOnTheMountain
quote:
can be a horrifying experience. Some friends of mine fostered for a while and they got to a point that they had to return the children. A girl they were fostering threatened to harm their biological children and they continued to find knives in her bedroom she had taken from the kitchen. This girl was 7..... Later they lost the other children because it was determined that DSS had removed the children from the biological parents under false pretenses. I’m not trying to discourage you, but just be aware that these children come from extremely poor situations and will require specific care.
Friend of mine has been fostering several children over the past 15 years with her spouse. They are not taking in more kids after the ones they have leave. She said it has almost destroyed her marriage and has similar stories as you of violent children staying with them.
I think fostering is an incredibly selfless and noble thing to do but it isn’t for everyone.
Posted on 4/13/22 at 4:00 pm to hawgndodge
If I typed for an hour nonstop I might could tell you 1/5 of the crazy things. We nearly lost our jobs and our 2 biological kids almost got taken away and put in foster care themselves just because of the accusations.
I'll just leave it at that.
—-
You can’t give them up ? I wouldn’t chance them for my real family. Sorry.
I'll just leave it at that.
—-
You can’t give them up ? I wouldn’t chance them for my real family. Sorry.
Posted on 4/13/22 at 4:12 pm to Bullfrog
quote:
We only do it for the money.
Got 7 of those right now. Almost have enough for the 2021 Yukon XL LT in the child welfare account. If we can bag two more, we’ll be set by June.
Since were not legally married, it’s easy for her to claim head of household on 4 of them and I take the other three.
It’s not a country club life but we manage and the direct deposits come like clockwork. Plenty leftover after bread and velveeta sammies most of the time.
While know you are kidding, what you describe is 75% of foster homes. My ex son in law was a foster child. He would tell us stories about foster parents buying he and his sibling socks for Christmas while their natural children got bikes and stereos.
More seriously, a lot of the kids over 5 or 6 years old are going to have issues. They come from extremely fricked up situations.
Best of luck to the OP.
Posted on 7/15/22 at 3:22 am to alajones
quote:
alajones
Can we get an update? Did you end up fostering? My wife and I have talked about it for years but we had four of our own which was all we could handle. We are now empty nester and I'm three years from retirement and it has come up again but I'm 99% positive I couldn't handle a difficult child at this stage in life. Yet the desire to help a child still remains.
Posted on 7/15/22 at 7:31 am to alajones
I fostered an 18 year old Korean girl.
Posted on 7/15/22 at 8:10 am to Bullfrog
quote:
We only do it for the money.
I know you're only joking but my best friend in elementary was fostered and basically used for a paycheck and slave labor. I went to his house for a sleepover once and we both worked on their farm from 5am-9pm on a Saturday when we were about 10. I know you old timer OTers did that daily but I wasn't about that life when I was that age.
I never went back for a sleepover but he came to my house one weekend and was surprised that we got to sleep in and all we had to do was make our beds and feed the few chickens we had. He legit told me "that's ALL we have to do?". We basically played outside all day. After that, he wanted to come over all the time but his foster parents forbid it. he ran away at 13 and I never saw him again.
On the flip side, my neighbor growing up could never have kids so she fostered. Gave that kid the life he never had but his biological parents(in Ohio) got their act together to get him back. They were on and off drugs and in and out of jail. When he turned 18, he got a one way bus ticket back to Louisiana and now he lives right next door to his foster(now legally adopted) mother.
This post was edited on 7/15/22 at 8:11 am
Posted on 7/15/22 at 8:17 am to alajones
Good heart and all but you run the risk of one of the kid’s harming your family
Posted on 7/15/22 at 8:37 am to upgrayedd
quote:
Sorry, the only thing I've fostered are bananas
I have never fostered children, but I have seen Foster Brooks.
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