re: Anyone ever spend time in the clinker?

You could get beat down at the drop of a dime.

While in GP at USP Atlanta you had two man cells which wasn't bad. I was placed in the SHU "the hole" for making hooch and spent the worst 6 months of my life. Locked up 23 of 24 hours a day. A shower 3 times a week. Phone access for 15 minutes a week, if they didn't answer then tough shite.



At the time they were modernizing and the SHU was old with no a/c or heat. It was a metal box inside a concrete box with all the windows busted out. During the winter it was freezing and the summer scorching hot. The interior metal cells "9 by 6 feet" had a bunk and sink/shitter.



Look at that fine mattress. Having to take a shite with a cellmate right there. Should I tell you more?

I was in there for 3 days. If you mind your own business, people don't frick with you. The quality of life in there is inhumane. I had to trade my shoes for some shampoo and a fresh pair of clothes.

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18 hours in Twin Towers in Downtown L.A. Not a good experience. Do not recommend

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Did a blood or crip take your anal virginity?

Not as an inmate. However, I have worked in the Federal Prison system for about 21 years.

Two weeks in the county jail back in 1989 and I remember every detail like it was yesterday!

My dad figured the best way to teach me a lesson was the leave me in there until my court date. A friend of mine's mom eventually bailed me out, God bless her. In the holding area, before I was led to my cell, I quickly realized this could go real bad real quick. Bunch of hardened criminals and wacked-out druggies, I was a 18 year old white kid from the suburbs. There's like 20 guys in there, everyone silent, all sitting down on benches, everyone handcuffed and no place to sit so I'm just standing there about to shite my pantalones. My name got called, and off to the cell we go.

The locked 'cell' was a collection of 6 open cells, one cell was converted into a community bathroom. So 5 cells. I was the only white guy in there. There was a group of Hispanics who kept to themselves. My cellmate was a black gangbanger named Chili who seemed to have everyone else's respect. Big dude, looked like he could whoop serious arse if required. All the toilet paper had been braided up real tight in a long rope and the end was lit, because it acts as a never-ending cigarette lighter. It burns like incense, it never goes out. Cigarettes and lighters are basically gold in there. But lighters run out of fuel of course so the toilet paper rope was the solution. I came in with a full pack of Marlboro red 100's and Chili advised me on how to manage this. If you carefully tear apart a cigarette, you can make 3 smaller hand-rolled no-filter cigs and trade them for food. Nobody smoked a regular cig with the intact filter. The funny thing about the toilet paper situation was, they don't feed you enough to poop. I literally never pooped the whole time.

The 3rd or 4th night in there, Chili had a bad asthma attack so I banged and kicked on the door to get a guard. This went on for what seemed like 15 minutes before the guard came, all pissed off at me until he realized why I was kicking on the door. They took Chili out and treated him. We were bros after that, I was his token lily-white friend I guess, so I felt at ease from that point forward. We traded stories and laughed at all kinds of things, not much else to do. Never exited that cell until I got bailed out.

The whole time, there was a dude with a very big deep voice in a cell right around the corner from our cell. I had a mental image of a very big black man. He was known to be a poo-flinger and was in that single cell by himself. You could tell the guards were sick of him. So when I got bailed out, I asked the guard if I could peek around the corner and he let me. I had to look. Sure enough, a massive Gorilla-sized black dude, no clothes on, sitting on the floor. He bellowed something at me and was getting himself up but I didn't want to get poo-flung so I noped back the other direction where the guard was waiting.

This was the very old Oklahoma County jail, it was replaced with a new jail soon after my visit.

3 months in Montgomery county jail on a felony DWI (erroneously charged as a 3rd dwi. I’m not a felon but everybody else was. And In Texas jails house not only pre trial detainees but convicted felons serving time. I’ll post more about it but it’s been 6 years ago and I was not sober then I was never messed with. I was flying solo in there. Almost had to fight 2 times. I found that most fighting is about not keeping your shite clean or yourself or messing with somebody’s stuff bunk food whatever. I was in 3 different pods that are basically big barracks with rows of bunks. 30 or 40 dudes per pod. I’d spent a few nights in the holding cell in the past but had never been in long enough to process to the back. Good times.

This was not enough to make me quit drinking although I wanted to for years and couldn’t. I had enough and surrendered within the next 6 months

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This was not enough to make me quit drinking although I wanted to for years and couldn’t. I had enough and surrendered within the next 6 months

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What happened to make you quit?

About 24hrs Santa Rosa county. My ex wife made a claim that 9 months prior I struck her. Found out during a divorce proceeding in Jefferson Parish that I had a warrant and turned myself in later that day.

Was booked and waited till morning for arraignment. The night sucked. It was freezing cold and loud as frick. Morning came, bail was set and immediately paid. They didn’t out-process me until that evening.

DA offered every deal known to man and I refused. Not only would a conviction have cost me my job, but also my daughter, as we were embroiled in a bitter custody battle. Eventually had a full on jury trial where I was found not guilty with prejudice.

This, along with several other fricked up incidents, eventually led to me being granted sole custody of my little girl.

10 days in the Lawton, OK city jail for DWI. I was flat broke, and the judge was lenient: I was sentenced to 10 days to be served on 5 weekends. Sat. morning I would get up, eat breakfast, and smoke as much grass as I could before going to jail at 8. I brought books and read and slept until Mon. morning at 8 when my (then) wife would pick me up.

It was mostly pretty chill and bearable, except for the lights being on 24/7. The food was bearable; morning coffee with a cig was the highlight of the day. Sunday morning the preacher man came and ministered to whomever wanted it. There was a GI from Ft. Sill who was there for stealing a Howitzer for a joy ride. He was the coolest dude there. One Sat. my cellmate was this younger black dude. We talked a little and I asked him where he was from; he came from my hometown in SE Ark., 400 miles away. His brother was in my class.

So, in all, I was lucky and it wasn't that bad. Being locked in a cell is fricked, though. To know you can't leave that little space...