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re: Any married guys had an affair?

Posted on 10/2/17 at 3:12 pm to
Posted by georgia
445
Member since Jan 2007
9104 posts
Posted on 10/2/17 at 3:12 pm to
quote:


When my wife cheated on me and left, it broke me. She told me she never loved me. Never wanted me. And that broke whatever part of me that believed in a love like that to the core.


I read here a lot more than I post, but I remember the before and after you. It was night and day, you went from nice guy poster to bitter and cynical overnight it seemed. I felt bad for you, but I think she played you in more ways than one. Women will say anything to get out of something that they want out of, and I think thats what she did to you.


quote:

I'm incorrigible. Just a rascal and a rapscallion. I've got the wanderlust. I don't know if I'm even the settling down forever type.


you seem slightly less bitter than you did when it was fresh, but still pretty much just as cynical. its like you took that on as some sort of cloak to prevent yourself from getting hurt again. but ultimately, every minute you spend being someone you didn't intend to be is giving her power over you to this day. not one single person who has ever hurt you deserves the right to change you. that is a privilege reserved for those who love and protect your heart and grow for the better with you.
Maybe I'm just stubborn, but if you hurt me, I'll be damned if you have the satisfaction of knowing it changed me.

quote:



Besides, I've got kids. Who is gonna want to start a real relationship with someone who already has kids that aren't their own?


Most everyone in your age bracket.
We all have kids, its pretty much a given.
Until you find a way to let your authentic self be venerable and hopeful again, you should steer clear of serious relationships. because there are good women out there, probably even some interested in you, but none of them deserve to pay for the hurt that someone else caused.
Posted by TigrrrDad
Member since Oct 2016
7117 posts
Posted on 10/2/17 at 3:25 pm to
quote:

Who is gonna want to start a real relationship with someone who already has kids that aren't their own


I think the majority of available women between the ages of 25-45 have kids. The beauty of it is that if things don't work out, you keep yours and she keeps hers.
Posted by 225bred
COYS
Member since Jun 2011
20386 posts
Posted on 10/2/17 at 3:27 pm to
Posted by yellowfin
Coastal Bar
Member since May 2006
97632 posts
Posted on 10/2/17 at 3:28 pm to
quote:

I think the majority of available women between the ages of 25-45 have kids. The beauty of it is that if things don't work out, you keep yours and she keeps hers.


Maybe 35-45
Posted by ZappBrannigan
Member since Jun 2015
7692 posts
Posted on 10/2/17 at 4:00 pm to


Stop touching the dog.
Posted by sjmabry
Texas
Member since Aug 2013
18499 posts
Posted on 10/2/17 at 4:06 pm to
quote:

I love my wife
This post was edited on 10/2/17 at 4:27 pm
Posted by REB BEER
Laffy Yet
Member since Dec 2010
16194 posts
Posted on 10/2/17 at 4:24 pm to
quote:

Robin Masters


quote:

I wish my wife wanted Dicking enough to seek it outside the marriage. She gets more arousal from new shoes and steak.


Don't know about your wife, but I know girls whose husbands think they have no sex drive whatsoever. But it's only that they don't want to have sex with their husbands. I mean some ladies that will get downright nasty and the husbands think they don't want dick at all.
Posted by fr33manator
Baton Rouge
Member since Oct 2010
124145 posts
Posted on 10/2/17 at 4:59 pm to
quote:

I read here a lot more than I post, but I remember the before and after you. It was night and day, you went from nice guy poster to bitter and cynical overnight it seemed. I felt bad for you, but I think she played you in more ways than one. Women will say anything to get out of something that they want out of, and I think thats what she did to you.


In the span of 6 months, I had a child, then she left (and I found out why) when he was a month old, I lost a good job and then my brother died. I made it to the other side, but that string of (even on their own) life altering events changed me. I'm nowhere close to the same person I was.

quote:

you seem slightly less bitter than you did when it was fresh, but still pretty much just as cynical. its like you took that on as some sort of cloak to prevent yourself from getting hurt again. but ultimately, every minute you spend being someone you didn't intend to be is giving her power over you to this day. not one single person who has ever hurt you deserves the right to change you. that is a privilege reserved for those who love and protect your heart and grow for the better with you.


I think much of the bitterness has faded, but the cynicism has been hard earned.
Women who have these FB perfect lives on display but you peek under the skirt and the truth is dark and tawdry and torrid.
And so damn tempting.

And I've seen it time and time again. The same lines, the same excuses, the same justifications. Some things you can't unsee. And honestly I think it's even helped me...well, not forgive, but at least understand some of the emotions and things my ex did in our relationship.
The addictive, druglike aspect of cheating. I just wish she hadn't kept clinging to something that was so tainted to begin with. Lots of twangs of jealousy and hurt still stem from that. The fear of being replaced.

Honestly, I don't how someone could be the same after going through all that.

quote:

We all have kids, its pretty much a given.


Wanna know the really weird thing? I'm awesome with kids. Whenever I bring my kids to the park and play I inevitably end up with a crowd of kids around me because I will tell stories to mine and play with them and the other kids and up wanting to hear the stories and play too.

But I know how much it bothers me the thought of someone else trying to replace me as "dad" and I wouldn't want to be on the other side of that.

quote:

Until you find a way to let your authentic self be venerable and hopeful again, you should steer clear of serious relationships. because there are good women out there, probably even some interested in you, but none of them deserve to pay for the hurt that someone else caused.


If They want to be with me they'll have to deal with the scars anyway. Plus I'm much more confident like I am now.

Posted by fr33manator
Baton Rouge
Member since Oct 2010
124145 posts
Posted on 10/2/17 at 5:00 pm to
quote:

I think the majority of available women between the ages of 25-45 have kids. The beauty of it is that if things don't work out, you keep yours and she keeps hers.



How is that beauty? More collateral damage
Posted by tketaco
Sunnyside, Houston
Member since Jan 2010
19478 posts
Posted on 10/2/17 at 5:09 pm to
Does a handjob from another woman count? Surely women can't get mad at that.
Posted by Evil Little Thing
Member since Jul 2013
11225 posts
Posted on 10/2/17 at 5:13 pm to
quote:

How is that beauty? More collateral damage


Exactly. The thought of losing this little girl I love more than life kept me here even when I knew I should leave. Things are fine now, but yeah. If we break up, I lose so much more than him.
Posted by fr33manator
Baton Rouge
Member since Oct 2010
124145 posts
Posted on 10/3/17 at 11:58 am to
I hate divorce for the damage it does to kids, even if it's for the best. They are innocent and don't deserve the turmoil.
Posted by Spaceman Spiff
Savannah
Member since Sep 2012
17476 posts
Posted on 10/3/17 at 12:04 pm to
quote:

Any married guys had an affair?


Never had an affair while I was married. However, I've had more than a few married chicks. But that was years ago.
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