Posted by
Message
Street Hawk
LSU Fan
Member since Nov 2014
2192 posts

A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday
A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk,

“I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”

“About 32,” is the reply.

“Nope! I’m exactly 50,” the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question. The girl replies,

“I’d guess about 29.”

The woman replies with a big smile,

“Nope, I’m 50.”

Now she’s feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question. The clerk responds,

“Oh, I’d say 30.”

Again she proudly responds,

“I’m 50, but thank you!”

While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question. He replies,

“I’m 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young, there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. If you permit me to put my hands under your bra, then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are.”

They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the best of her.

She finally blurts out,

“What the hell, go ahead.”

He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.

After a couple of minutes of this, she says,

“Okay, okay…How old am I?”

He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, ” Ma dam, you are 50.”

Stunned and amazed, the woman says,

“That was incredible, how could you tell?”

The old man says,

“Promise you won’t get mad?”

“I promise I won’t,” she says.

“I was behind you in McDonald’s.”


TheBoo
New Orleans Saints Fan
The Bay Area
Member since Aug 2012
1834 posts

re: A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday


Replies (0)
Replies (0)
342
Cosmo
Houston Astros Fan
glassman's guest house
Member since Oct 2003
85465 posts

re: A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday


Replies (0)
Replies (0)
220
Chuker
Tennessee Tech Fan
Cum & Joke Mines of Mars
Member since Nov 2015
4180 posts

re: A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday
ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh


too many jokes use a similar punch line.


the pit of misery with you!


Commandeaux
New Orleans Saints Fan
Zachary
Member since Jul 2009
4854 posts
 Online 

re: A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday
5.5/10


Replies (0)
Replies (0)
211
colorchangintiger
Houston Astros Fan
Dan Carlin
Member since Nov 2005
28983 posts

re: A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday
A couple, both in their late 30s, went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us have sex?"
The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.
When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have sex," and charged them $50.
This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have sex with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave.
Finally, the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"
"We're not trying to find out anything," the husband replied. "She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $108. We do it here for $50...and I get $43 back from Medicare
This post was edited on 2/8 at 9:17 am


Replies (0)
Replies (0)
450
LaBR4
LSU Fan
Baton Rouge
Member since Sep 2005
30683 posts

re: A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday


Replies (0)
Replies (0)
71
The Torch
LSU Fan
DFW The Dub
Member since Aug 2014
6334 posts

re: A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday
Your mom had a facelift


Replies (0)
Replies (0)
01
LSUcdro
LSU Fan
Baton Rouge
Member since Sep 2009
9020 posts

re: A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday
I LOL'd


Replies (0)
Replies (0)
10
tommy2tone1999
LSU Fan
St. George, LA
Member since Sep 2008
1485 posts
 Online 

re: A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday
quote:

ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh


too many jokes use a similar punch line.


the pit of misery with you!


Dilly Dilly


Replies (0)
Replies (0)
31
Langland
LSU Fan
Trumplandia
Member since Apr 2014
5131 posts

re: A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday


Replies (0)
Replies (0)
20
WG_Dawg
Georgia Fan
Atlanta
Member since Jun 2004
68268 posts
 Online 

re: A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday
quote:

“That was incredible, how could you tell?”

The old man says,

“Promise you won’t get mad?”

“I promise I won’t,” she says.


“I was behind you in McDonald’s.”


why was this even part of the joke? It adds nothing.


Replies (0)
Replies (0)
410
TROLA
Chicago Cubs Fan
BATON ROUGE
Member since Apr 2004
9408 posts

re: A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday


Replies (0)
Replies (0)
10
Floating Change Up
Houston Astros Fan
Austin
Member since Dec 2013
5499 posts

re: A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday
Unbeknownst to them, Boudreaux was standing behind them and saw the whole thing.

He ran around to the front of the bus stop, raising up his shirt exclaiming to the old man, "mais cher fren, dats amazin! you gotta do dat to me now next!"


Replies (0)
Replies (0)
02
first pageprev pagePage 1 of 1next pagelast page
refresh

Back to top

logoFollow TigerDroppings for LSU Football News
Follow us on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram to get the latest updates on LSU Football and Recruiting.

FacebookTwitterInstagram