Pels v Bulls: the drive for 5s

SONS

IT TURNS OUT WE MAY NOT TOTALLY frickING SUCK. PELS HAVE WON 4 STRAIGHT, TONIGHT WOULD MAKE IT frickIN 5 IN A ROW AND BRING US TO frickIN .500.

PRAISE BE TO ZION "AIR GUMBO" WILLIAMSON. TNT POSTED A TWEET CALLING HIM A 6 FOOT 7 SHAQ, AND SHAQ SAID "SLOW DOWN". NO SHAQ, WE AINT frickING SLOWING DOWN, WE'RE GONNA RUN STRAIGHT THROUGH THESE WEAK frick BULLS ON THE SECOND GAME OF A frickING BACK TO BACK. SHUT THE frick UP AND GO REBUILD YOUR KRISPY KREME.

ZION IS RAPIDLY IMPROVING HIS GAME AND THE LEAGUE IS PAYING THE frickING PRICE FOR HIS DOMINANCE. GONE ARE THE frickING DAYS OF HIM BLINDLY DRIVING TO THE RIM AND FORCING THE frickING ISSUE, HE NOW HAS TWO 40% 3PT SHOOTERS TO DISH TO IN BI AND BLED. HE'S DIMING ALL OVER THE PLACE AND WAIT HOLD ON I'M AT WORK AND JUST GOT A BONER shite...

OKOKOK HOLY shite LONZO frickING BALL LOOKS LIKE A GODDAMN MOTHERfrickING NBA PLAYER. I HOPE THAT MOTHERfrickERS LIGHT STAYS ON. THAT 3 HE DRILLED TO OPEN THE GAME SPOKE VOLUMES TO THE CONFIDENCE HE'S PLAYING WITH. PLEASE GOD CONTINUE TO PROVE US WRONG LONZO, YOU'RE PLAYING LIKE THE 3RD GUY THE PELS NEED.

IF I'M BEING FULLY HONEST, WE DON'T SING THE frickIN PRAISES OF JOSH HART ENOUGH. THIS frickING DUDE HAS GIVEN 110% EVERY GAME THAT HE HAS EVER PLAYED FOR US. SHOTS NOT DROPPING? frick IT I'M STILL GONNA PLAY D AND GET BOARDS. LOSE BALL? MORE LIKE MINE TO frickIN GET. WHEN MRS.KNOWSOFAR AND I PROCREATE A FUTURE PEL FAN I WILL TELL HIM/HER ABOUT EFFORT AND MY DICTIONARY WILL HAVE A PICTURE OF HIM NEXT TO THAT WORD. GIVE HIM THE FULL MLE GRIFFIN, DONT BE A PUSSY.

NOW WE PLAY THE frickING BULLS TONIGHT, A TEAM MIRED IN MEDIOCRITY LED BY SOME DUDE NAMED ZACH LAVINE. FIRST OF frickING ALL ZACH LAVINE SOUNDS LIKE THE NAME OF A DUDE IN A BOY BAND THAT SINGS FALSETTO THAT ISNT EVEN COOL ENOUGH TO HAVE A DRUG PROBLEM. CHICAGO AS A CITY IS LIKE A shite VERSION OF NEW ORLEANS WITH TWICE THE VIOLENCE AND HALF THE FOOD. MOTHERfrickER EVERYBODY KNOWS HOW TO COOK A STEAK AND MAKE A HOTDOG, YALL AINT SPECIAL FOR IT. THE ONLY THING SPECIAL ABOUT CHICAGO TONIGHT IS THE FACT THAT ZION IS PLAYING IN IT.

WE FLAP

THEY LOSE

PELS W
DEEP DISH SUCKS L