(a)DAT 8/16: Mariners (Woo) @ Astros (Brown) 6:20 PM NBC

The dog days of summer have arrived, the sewers are overflowing, but have no fear, Bagwell has addressed the team in a closed door meeting. My sources indicate it went as below:



“Yordan—you good, Big Man? You best cover your ears for this. The rest of you are out there looking as if you’ve never seen the backs of your own baseball cards. I’ve never in my life seen more poor approaches at the plate. You should hit strikes out of the park and avoid swinging at balls that are out of the zone. Play better defense by catching everything hit to you and throwing it accurately to your teammates. Pitchers should be throwing dark ones—you know—the ones they can’t see. It’s a simple game, take it from this hall of famer. Jimbo, beer me, Brother.”