re: Drinking problem

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So I know I’m not some kind of hardcore alcoholic.

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It's a progressive disease. I grew up in BR and went to LSU and was just a hard-partying binge drinker for a very long time. I got sober at 44, 6 years ago. By that time, I had been a daily drinker for at least ten years. For the last 5, I had to have a drink to just get motivated to get out of bed. It all seemingly happened overnight. As others have said only you can decide if you have a problem.

Very true.
For most of us drunks drinking wasn’t very fun unless we got real buzzed or drunk. Just having a few was boring. What’s the point?

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It's cliché and reductionist, but there's some truth in the adage, "If you have to ask...."

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I'm with you. I also think this phrase gets misinterpreted as a hard and fast rule of if you're asking, you are - full stop.

I think the more accurate interpretation is that if you have to ask, you've gone down the path of wondering what it is you're getting out of alcohol. And if you are wondering that, something has happened in your life to where you had to analyze your relationship with alcohol. If you're analyzing your relationship with a substance in which effects are a net negative once you start giving the substance more than a passing thought, you aren't in control anymore. People who are in control don't wonder if they are in control.

The truth is that the question of alcoholism is totally irrelevant. Someone who pounds liquor every day and never questions themselves may be an alcoholic, but as long as they aren't questioning it and they aren't hurting family/friends, it doesn't matter if they are or aren't. It only matters if they think they might be. Usually if it gets to the point where a person is going hard as frick and shows no signs of slowing down, loved ones step in.

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Just remember once a cucumber turns into a pickle, it can’t go back to a cucumber

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nah

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Yeah.

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I was being somewhat flippant, so I'll expand here:

I will continue to reject the one-size-fits-all tropes that are passed around as received orthodoxy (largely due to the penetration of 12-step programs into the national consciousness).

Here is my fulsome response:

Yes, the pickle/cucumber analogy is possibly true for 10-15% of the population. These are your stereotypical hardcore drunks who truly have almost no choice but to opt for an on/off wagon model of coping/healing.

But real people live real lives that involve real change over time. Reducing them to these familiar tropes turns flesh and blood, 3D people into 2D cut outs at best.

Alcohol abuse can be highly situational (e.g. a divorce or an unexpected death). Real people can move in and out of these over the years, and they should not be automatically blown up into a size that they are not.

I would also submit that the vast majority of abuse is a SYMPTOM rather than a CAUSE, with the usual cause being buried trauma. The drink is but a coping mechanism. Real humans find in real life that if they can successfully mine/address/integrate things like trauma, then they no longer need the coping mechanism of the substance. Note that this is likely true even for those "genetically pre-disposed" to abuse - i.e. they are perhaps genetically more likely to SEEK THE COPING MECHANISM GIVEN A REASON LIKE TRAUMA than they are just to drink for no reason at all.

Now, I don't disagree at all that from the standpoint of pure health, alcohol is probably not great. And maybe I'll piss the "other" side off by saying I think the whole red wine trope is probably bullshite too.

Another - very clearly untrue - trope is the "you have to hit rock bottom first". Nope.

In the end, I want people to have strong self-images of themselves and what they are capable of. I find it infantalizing to tell every single adult that everything in this area is binary - either you are a cucumber or you're a pickle. etc.

The OP asked this:

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I say all of that to admit that I don’t want to stop drinking. I enjoy drinking beer with my friends at a crawfish boil, a football game, Mardis gras, etc. I really don’t want to get “sober”

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And my response is: that's great. Apply your self to determine what is a good relationship for you to have with alcohol. If you determine pure sobriety, then great. But don't let everyone else treat you like an invalid and tell you you can't find what works for you.

And the other guy wanted to foist HIS view on everyone that EVERYTHING IS BETTER WITHOUT ALCOHOL. OK, maybe that's true for him. I would not arrogate to take that away or tell him he's wrong. But it is ALSO wrong to act like plenty of functional people don't use alcohol completely appropriately in ways that positively impact things like LSU games and weddings.

I can think of lots of times in my life that sharing a beverage with someone special augmented the interaction/experience. (I can also think of plenty of times that people drinking to excess ruined situations). None of us should be ashamed of such.

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No one is reading that novel.
This is the second or third time someone has asked for help with drinking and you come in and derail the thread spewing argumentative nonsense. You’ve even stated you’re not an alcoholic nor in recovery. Bow out dude.

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You know what? Screw off, a-hole.

I've answered the OP directly. If you don't like it, go frick off.

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You’ve even stated you’re not an alcoholic nor in recovery

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Yes, and? The OP is also not an alcoholic nor in recovery. Shall we have you order his silence also?

Nobody asked you to respond. You describe any alternative to your orthodoxy as "derailment".

I have submitted nothing but respectful thoughts to the OP. So, respectfully, go frick off.

People come in here and ask about how to get less of a beer gut and the thread becomes take narcan and get electroshock therapy


ETA: success on this board is measured by having 6 pack, big guns, over 6 feet tall, full head of hair

Whether or not you have an issue is something you’ll have to decide for yourself.

Assuming you don’t and you just want to cut back, become a beer snob. If you convince yourself you’d rather drink more expensive beer and not bud light, quantity will probably go down.

Your post was so inspiring. I know I have a problem. I drink every day after work until I pass out then wake up and do this miserable cycle all over again. I'm so sick of this crap. I would love to find a community with something like AA but I'm terrified. What are they like? Do you have any you recommend? I just don't know how I would cope without Alcohol in my life. I'm also known as a wine connoisseur, So my whole identity will be drastically changed.