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re: Did your wife change after your first kid?

Posted on 2/13/21 at 12:04 pm to
Posted by tigafan4life
Member since Dec 2006
48993 posts
Posted on 2/13/21 at 12:04 pm to
I changed the most after my 3rd baby. I was much older and I blame hormones. He is 16 months old and I still don’t feel like myself. It’s been tough.
Posted by Sandybottoms
Member since Aug 2014
35 posts
Posted on 2/13/21 at 12:07 pm to
Re: not being OK unless you’re parenting / grand parenting...

I’ll never understand these types of people. Have you never had a hobby? Get one! Learn golf! Learn to paint! Do some home improvement shite. Take swimming lessons! Read. Learn to cook! Go to church! I can find so many ways to enjoy myself if only I had free time.
This post was edited on 2/13/21 at 12:10 pm
Posted by BIG_BASS32
Death Valley
Member since Jan 2021
53 posts
Posted on 2/13/21 at 12:10 pm to
Yea mines got fat and I’m ready to leave her.... FTK
Posted by tigafan4life
Member since Dec 2006
48993 posts
Posted on 2/13/21 at 12:16 pm to
quote:

: not being OK unless you’re parenting / grand parenting...
I imagine this speaks more about their marriage and that they are missing something huge emotionally. So the next best thing to watch to is parenting and you put 100% into that to have some sort of validation and happiness. Not saying that’s healthy but saying in some instances that is why they aren’t ok unless being mom/dad. Also not having friends will make you become super mom/dad.
Posted by Rick9Plus
Baton Rouge
Member since Jul 2020
1760 posts
Posted on 2/13/21 at 12:17 pm to
quote:

Yea but the woman is number 2 for us too. Kids come first for everybody except shite tier parents


Based on my research and experience, this is not true. Kids are the number one relationship responsibility, but unless your #1 commitment is to your spouse/partner, there is a higher likelihood of divorce. Make time to take care of your relationship and your kids will benefit.
Posted by Loaner1231
Member since Jan 2016
3903 posts
Posted on 2/13/21 at 1:25 pm to
Not much after the first child but the second changed her drastically in some really terrible ways with no positives to offset the terrible ones.
Posted by kywildcatfanone
Wildcat Country!
Member since Oct 2012
120000 posts
Posted on 2/13/21 at 1:27 pm to
quote:

Did your wife change after your first kid?


You mean become a dude?
Posted by tigerbandpiccolo
Member since Oct 2005
49284 posts
Posted on 2/13/21 at 4:52 pm to
That’s how you end up with your husband cheating. Doesn’t make it right but anyone could understand it.
Posted by GreenRockTiger
vortex to the whirlpool of despair
Member since Jun 2020
43331 posts
Posted on 2/13/21 at 4:58 pm to
quote:

With many who, like you said, are basically taking 2 years off from sex and fully believe their husbands ought to just grow up and deal with it without complaint.


That's crazy. That can cause a lot of problems, including cheating, and ultimately divorce.
Posted by Topisawtiger
Mississippi
Member since Oct 2012
3512 posts
Posted on 2/13/21 at 5:07 pm to
We had 3 kids, they are grown now and out of the house. My wife never changed really until she hit menopause. She has always been a very sweet, compassionate, sexual creature. Menopause shut down her sex drive. 5 times a week for years turned into once a month. Was killing me. But supplementation has us back to once a week. I'll take that at my age.
Posted by Paul Allen
Montauk, NY
Member since Nov 2007
75369 posts
Posted on 2/13/21 at 5:09 pm to
quote:

5 times a week for years


Posted by GreenRockTiger
vortex to the whirlpool of despair
Member since Jun 2020
43331 posts
Posted on 2/13/21 at 5:15 pm to
quote:

I changed the most after my 3rd baby. I was much older and I blame hormones. He is 16 months old and I still don’t feel like myself. It’s been tough.



I'm sorry it's been tough. But hang in there!!

Other environmental factors may not be helping either. I dont want to post a long dissertation ... but for me, after #2 and #5 there was a lot of other things going on, and it was really hard.

If I asked my husband if I changed after the kids ... he would think it's a loaded question and run out the room.
Posted by AmazingSpiderDog
Member since Oct 2020
343 posts
Posted on 2/13/21 at 6:04 pm to
My wife is more of a mother to her grandkids than she ever was to her kids. Maybe because we had 3 boys and she felt like it was up to me to teach them fishing, hunting, baseball and shite like that.
Posted by Paul Allen
Montauk, NY
Member since Nov 2007
75369 posts
Posted on 2/13/21 at 9:33 pm to
quote:

God
Spouse
Kids
Rest of family
Country
etc...


Do you not have any friends?
Posted by StringedInstruments
Member since Oct 2013
18556 posts
Posted on 2/13/21 at 10:05 pm to
quote:

With many who, like you said, are basically taking 2 years off from sex and fully believe their husbands ought to just grow up and deal with it without complaint.


Holy shite.

I get cranky if we only have sex once a week. We have two little ones.
Posted by X82ndTiger
USA
Member since Sep 2004
2505 posts
Posted on 2/13/21 at 10:06 pm to
Posted by MSUDawg98
Ravens Flock
Member since Jan 2018
10055 posts
Posted on 2/14/21 at 1:47 am to
She actually mellowed out a bit. We went miscarriage-1st son (NICU for 10 days)-miscarriage-2nd son (NICU for 3 weeks, 5 days being very close to ECMO.) We never got the baby in the hospital room experience. We are very protective of our kids after that shared experience. Our 1st stopped sports in 5th grade. Our 2nd starts football this fall and my wife's opinion of him playing goes back and forth. (My football days ended at 21 with a back injury and multiple surgeries that ended in total disability over 10 years ago so I do understand her concern.)

As far as sex...we were given some great insight after we got married. Her boss & boss's husband were almost like parents to us the first few years. They said get a jar...put one jelly bean in it every time we had seed in the first year. Then every time after then take one out. Almost 19 years later and aside from the whole trying to impregnate times we still would have quite a few beans left in there.
Posted by StreamsOfWhiskey
The Woodlands, TX
Member since Jun 2013
614 posts
Posted on 2/14/21 at 7:15 am to
Yes, spouse changed. She was more focused on the children, but so was I. Isn’t that how it’s supposed to be?

As far as sex, not much changed. We were never much more than a 2-3x a week couple. Nowadays, I’m not 3x a week guy. We settle in now at around 2x a week. Some of you guys speak so poorly of your wives that I wonder if you’re the reason they no longer want sex with you.

Kids are wonderful, and I love the changes child birth has made in my wife. Marry the right gal and more importantly be the right guy and things will work themselves out.
This post was edited on 2/14/21 at 7:19 am
Posted by DaBeerz
Member since Sep 2004
17060 posts
Posted on 2/14/21 at 7:16 am to
You mean very little sex til 2nd child, then yes
Posted by berrycajun
Baton Rouge
Member since May 2016
6913 posts
Posted on 2/14/21 at 5:26 pm to
You have to work on it. No one should live like this. And no I’m not advocating divorce. Do whatever it takes to find a spark. It doesn’t have to be the same spark. It can a different spark between the 2 of you. Just try to reconnect. Date each other again. Start with dinner then a weekend trip. If this doesn’t work, i suppose y’all could try therapy or a couples retreat???
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