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re: Single dad question
Posted on 11/11/17 at 4:56 am to Boh
Posted on 11/11/17 at 4:56 am to Boh
quote:
In the moments i always considered my wife & kids on the same level as #1 but in retrospect i put the kids over her as far as my emotional connection and top concern
My dad always told me he could make another son but he couldn't make another one of my mom.
I plan on telling my son the same thing. I love him absolutely and unconditionally but my wife will always come first.
Reading through your posts it sounds like you still have a chance to make things right. Don't give up. Good luck.
1
Posted on 11/11/17 at 6:08 am to Boh
I agree with the above. Your kids should never be consistently ranked higher than your spouse. There will be times when the kids will need more attention temporarily, but the hierarchy you should always strive for is marriage first, kids second.
In a decade or two, your kids will be gone, starting lives of their own. You committed to be with your wife until death.
If you love your kids, the best thing you can do for them is to love their mom. Make the marriage work. I’m not saying stay in a crappy marriage for the sake of the kids, I’m saying make the marriage better so that they have a loving home and a model for how marriage is supposed to work. Do the hard work and make the changes you need to make. Don’t give up. It’s worth the fight.
In a decade or two, your kids will be gone, starting lives of their own. You committed to be with your wife until death.
If you love your kids, the best thing you can do for them is to love their mom. Make the marriage work. I’m not saying stay in a crappy marriage for the sake of the kids, I’m saying make the marriage better so that they have a loving home and a model for how marriage is supposed to work. Do the hard work and make the changes you need to make. Don’t give up. It’s worth the fight.
Posted on 11/11/17 at 6:26 am to Boh
First off, if you haven’t had your consent judgement finalized, get yourself the best lawyer you can find and work towards something financially reasonable. I managed to get 50/50 on kids and finances. It’s reasonable. We split time, school tuition, and extra curriculars down the middle. Doing it that way actually helps the ex and I get along much better vs splitting hairs in who owes what. My 2 cents.
If there is an inkling of a chance of reconciling your marriage, go that route first. Divorce is hard. It’s hard for you and it’s even harder for your kids. If it still doesn’t work, at least you didn’t go down fighting for what is best for your children.
If there is an inkling of a chance of reconciling your marriage, go that route first. Divorce is hard. It’s hard for you and it’s even harder for your kids. If it still doesn’t work, at least you didn’t go down fighting for what is best for your children.
This post was edited on 11/11/17 at 6:40 am
Posted on 11/11/17 at 6:31 am to OMLandshark
That graphic is sadly spot on.
Posted on 11/11/17 at 6:45 am to Breesus
Been there, done that.
Focus on your health, kids, and your job. You are no good to you kids if you do not have your health. Give it some time before you go out chasing strange, unless it is the hooker / backpage type stuff. Do not get into relationship for a while.
Focus on your health, kids, and your job. You are no good to you kids if you do not have your health. Give it some time before you go out chasing strange, unless it is the hooker / backpage type stuff. Do not get into relationship for a while.
This post was edited on 11/11/17 at 7:27 am
Posted on 11/11/17 at 6:56 am to The Pirate King
quote:
That graphic is sadly spot on.
From what I’ve seen, this is definitely true.
It’s sad to me that people are always so quick to pull the ejection lever.
Posted on 11/11/17 at 7:07 am to Boh
I'm not buying any of this. How exactly does a married father put his kids so far above his wife? I'm not surprised you keep saying that only in vague generalities with no specifics. You're already focused on blaming your wife by this pseudo-falling on your sword ("If I'm a bad husband, it's only because I'm a super awesome father"). I call bullshite but I'm sure it will drop a few panties from the bar so more power to you.
Posted on 11/11/17 at 7:13 am to Boh
Strippers, hookers and blow. Really explains the single part. How about love and take care of your kids and worry about yourself in 18 years.
Posted on 11/11/17 at 9:29 am to Boh
quote:
Will be very weird going after other women when i’ll always have a special place for the woman who birthed my kids and showed me love for a long time
Lol, that's the easiest part. You will get over that with the quickness.
You're a single dad now. Walk it off and enjoy time with your kids and have fun.
Posted on 11/11/17 at 10:19 am to Sparkplug#1
The more she knows how much u love & miss your kids, the more advantage she has. If you can convince her that your so busy and unavailable to deal w the kids... the more she will try to throw them at you to screw up your day & your life. You cant wear your heart on your sleeve she will slice it in half (and laugh). Long road brother
Posted on 11/11/17 at 10:20 am to Boh
quote:
Got married before i was in the know on OT guidelines. God damnit
its okay bro, we still support ya
Posted on 11/11/17 at 10:53 am to DavidTheGnome
quote:
Don’t talk bad about their mom around them, ever, even if she does about you. Keep doing Dad stuff with them. Meet single girls and live life.
This is key. They will eventually see through this as they age and the wife will look bad. If asked pointed questions by your kids answer them as honestly and age appropriate as you can. Defend yourself persay but don't attack their mother.
How many "If you then what you know now" threads have been here? You are now living it. That definitely can be a positive.
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