- My Forums
- Tiger Rant
- LSU Score Board
- LSU Recruiting
- SEC Rant
- SEC Score Board
- Saints Talk
- Pelicans Talk
- More Sports Board
- Coaching Changes
- Fantasy Sports
- Golf Board
- Soccer Board
- O-T Lounge
- Tech Board
- Home/Garden Board
- Outdoor Board
- Health/Fitness Board
- Movie/TV Board
- Book Board
- Music Board
- Political Talk
- Money Talk
- Fark Board
- Gaming Board
- Travel Board
- Food/Drink Board
- Ticket Exchange
- TD Help Board
Customize My Forums- View All Forums
- Show Left Links
- Topic Sort Options
- Trending Topics
- Recent Topics
- Active Topics
Started By
Message
You're all sleeping but I've made a huge mistake - please help
Posted on 7/31/16 at 2:50 am
Posted on 7/31/16 at 2:50 am
I just took my family 800 miles for me to go to grad school and I want to turn around and g back.
We're already $5000 in debt after previous debt issues. We're $500/month short at the minimum for our monthly budget. Student loans are a must.
I got into a top five program and decided to go. My wife's fully supported me. My three year old son is excited.
But I'm not. I've spent the last two hours fighting off what I guess was my first ever panic attack while everyone ha been sleeping.
The duplex I picked out smells like mold. There's no a/c. My wife is far from excited about this place. It's $1500/month. For a dump.
I could have moved back to BHam and made $50k/year as a teacher. I make about $10k-$15k/year on the side as a guitar player/teacher.
Instead we're in the hole unless I pick up quite a bit of extra income.
We want more kids. I just want to provide for my family. I thought this would be a good long term investment but it's not. We'll be dead broke with no family or social network to support us. I'll make $60k-$70k if I'm lucky enough to land a tenure track job.
The moving truck is full and sitting in the drive way. Helpers are scheduled to come at noon
Tomorrow to help unload.
I'm thinking itd be better to go back. Store our stuff in a POD, and look for a job while living with my parents.
We're already $5000 in debt after previous debt issues. We're $500/month short at the minimum for our monthly budget. Student loans are a must.
I got into a top five program and decided to go. My wife's fully supported me. My three year old son is excited.
But I'm not. I've spent the last two hours fighting off what I guess was my first ever panic attack while everyone ha been sleeping.
The duplex I picked out smells like mold. There's no a/c. My wife is far from excited about this place. It's $1500/month. For a dump.
I could have moved back to BHam and made $50k/year as a teacher. I make about $10k-$15k/year on the side as a guitar player/teacher.
Instead we're in the hole unless I pick up quite a bit of extra income.
We want more kids. I just want to provide for my family. I thought this would be a good long term investment but it's not. We'll be dead broke with no family or social network to support us. I'll make $60k-$70k if I'm lucky enough to land a tenure track job.
The moving truck is full and sitting in the drive way. Helpers are scheduled to come at noon
Tomorrow to help unload.
I'm thinking itd be better to go back. Store our stuff in a POD, and look for a job while living with my parents.
17
Posted on 7/31/16 at 3:37 am to StringedInstruments
quote:
You're all sleeping but I've made a huge mistake - please help
I just took my family 800 miles for me to go to grad school and I want to turn around and g back.
We're already $5000 in debt after previous debt issues. We're $500/month short at the minimum for our monthly budget. Student loans are a must.
I got into a top five program and decided to go. My wife's fully supported me. My three year old son is excited.
But I'm not. I've spent the last two hours fighting off what I guess was my first ever panic attack while everyone ha been sleeping.
The duplex I picked out smells like mold. There's no a/c. My wife is far from excited about this place. It's $1500/month. For a dump.
I could have moved back to BHam and made $50k/year as a teacher. I make about $10k-$15k/year on the side as a guitar player/teacher.
Instead we're in the hole unless I pick up quite a bit of extra income.
We want more kids. I just want to provide for my family. I thought this would be a good long term investment but it's not. We'll be dead broke with no family or social network to support us. I'll make $60k-$70k if I'm lucky enough to land a tenure track job.
The moving truck is full and sitting in the drive way. Helpers are scheduled to come at noon
Tomorrow to help unload.
I'm thinking itd be better to go back. Store our stuff in a POD, and look for a job while living with my parents.
This is just a gut reaction, but if you got into a top five program that's often worth some sacrifice up front.
This post was edited on 7/31/16 at 5:38 pm
Posted on 7/31/16 at 3:46 am to foshizzle
what are you getting your degree in?
Posted on 7/31/16 at 4:27 am to StringedInstruments
Your wife needs to start pulling her weight in my opinion. You shouldn't have to do everything.
Posted on 7/31/16 at 4:51 am to StringedInstruments
Man, I feel for you just reading this.
If your wife really supports you here, I agree with ILB that she needs to step it up.
She needs to become a master home economist with your family's budget and meal prep, and pick up at least a few hours a week of a job.
You should consider tutoring or something related to your education to get some minor side income too.
Early in my life the wife and I really had to buckle down to make the monthly numbers work, and it brought us closer together. We had to start by literally writing out all of the stuff we were making and spending and attacking each number where we could.
If this couple year excursion will truly grow your income and career, then take advantage of this opportunity to really grow your family's financial savvy too. If you can find a way to make the numbers work now, these lessons will benefit you for years to come.
If your wife really supports you here, I agree with ILB that she needs to step it up.
She needs to become a master home economist with your family's budget and meal prep, and pick up at least a few hours a week of a job.
You should consider tutoring or something related to your education to get some minor side income too.
Early in my life the wife and I really had to buckle down to make the monthly numbers work, and it brought us closer together. We had to start by literally writing out all of the stuff we were making and spending and attacking each number where we could.
If this couple year excursion will truly grow your income and career, then take advantage of this opportunity to really grow your family's financial savvy too. If you can find a way to make the numbers work now, these lessons will benefit you for years to come.
Posted on 7/31/16 at 5:48 am to white perch
English education.
Posted on 7/31/16 at 5:50 am to I Love Bama
She got a job teaching at our son's preschool. Only pays $10k a year but also got us a discount at the school.
Posted on 7/31/16 at 5:57 am to Bayou Tiger
It could lead to a tenure, full professorship that pays around $100k in the long run. Being at this school certainly helps those chances but it's still a long shot in today's academic environment.
Considering the subjects of my degrees (English and Educatjon), I'll never make big time money. We could make a good life with me making $50k, having summers off, and making ~$10k a year playing guitar. She'd go back to full time teaching after our kids were all in preschool.
Considering the subjects of my degrees (English and Educatjon), I'll never make big time money. We could make a good life with me making $50k, having summers off, and making ~$10k a year playing guitar. She'd go back to full time teaching after our kids were all in preschool.
Posted on 7/31/16 at 6:32 am to StringedInstruments
I'd say stick with it man. More than likely you'll be glad you did. I'd assume the decision to accept the opportunity and move wasn't made overnight; so neither should the decision to turn back.
Hopefully this is just a short burst of anxiety and it will soon pass. I'd say soak up the morning sun, get that moving truck unpacked and move forward with a head of steam and determination.
Hopefully this is just a short burst of anxiety and it will soon pass. I'd say soak up the morning sun, get that moving truck unpacked and move forward with a head of steam and determination.
Posted on 7/31/16 at 6:32 am to StringedInstruments
I remember when you were angst-ing over this decision a while back. I've been there myself. Assistantship in a top 10 program, left a good job to get a PhD. Except I hated it....couldn't find the enthusiasm to do the work. Walked away six weeks into the first semester. Realized I didn't want to be an academic....fast forward 15 years, and it's all good.
There is nothing wrong with changing your mind....but you should not be making any of these decisions in a vacuum. You should be discussing all of this with your wife. Forgive me, but what is the point of being married if you can't wake up your spouse in the middle of the night with a crisis/panic attack/major dilemma? You sound like you feel pressured to make things perfect for your family (overly stressed about ac and mold).
What do you really want out of life? A "perfect" suburban idyll, life in a specific place with close family and friends (academia means you'll never have the location flexibility of pre college teaching positions), or is the PhD more important to your ego? Don't say it's about the eventual money you'll earn, because there are far easier ways to maximize your income than a PhD in English.
Again, it's family meeting time. You don't need a divorce piled on top of all this ther stuff. Your spouse should be weighing in with her own goals and aspirations. That said, I do agree that she could be earning more money as your income goes down. It's not 1950. She should be an equal partner in reaching your financial goals.
There is nothing wrong with changing your mind....but you should not be making any of these decisions in a vacuum. You should be discussing all of this with your wife. Forgive me, but what is the point of being married if you can't wake up your spouse in the middle of the night with a crisis/panic attack/major dilemma? You sound like you feel pressured to make things perfect for your family (overly stressed about ac and mold).
What do you really want out of life? A "perfect" suburban idyll, life in a specific place with close family and friends (academia means you'll never have the location flexibility of pre college teaching positions), or is the PhD more important to your ego? Don't say it's about the eventual money you'll earn, because there are far easier ways to maximize your income than a PhD in English.
Again, it's family meeting time. You don't need a divorce piled on top of all this ther stuff. Your spouse should be weighing in with her own goals and aspirations. That said, I do agree that she could be earning more money as your income goes down. It's not 1950. She should be an equal partner in reaching your financial goals.
Posted on 7/31/16 at 6:48 am to hungryone
quote:
What do you really want out of life? A "perfect" suburban idyll, life in a specific place with close family and friends (academia means you'll never have the location flexibility of pre college teaching positions), or is the PhD more important to your ego? Don't say it's about the eventual money you'll earn, because there are far easier ways to maximize your income than a PhD in English.
I'd say the answer to this is the most important to deciding what to do.
For most people, a job is what you do, not who you are. It sounds like you feel the sacrifices you are having to make for your future career are impinging on your personal life and you don't like it
Just because it's a top program doesn't mean it's right for everyone at all points in their life. Don't let someone else's prestige screw up your overall plan for your life
Posted on 7/31/16 at 7:09 am to StringedInstruments
As others have said, you can't make this decision in a split second moment.
Your acceptance into this program did not happen by accident or on a whim. You must have sat down and pondered this issue for a while and put lots of work into getting accepted. It was the best decision at that time and it's likely the best decision at this time too.
The only thing different is NOW you are sitting in the moldy apartment and asking yourself "what am I doing?"
Everybody asks that question while they are in the muck of making themselves better in the long run.
I quit medical school so many times (in my head) but never told anyone about it.
I kept my head down and kept working and my life has been blessed more than I could ever imagine.
Keep a good attitude. It will calm your wife's anxiety.
Keep a good work ethic. It will impress those around you and lead to advancement.
The last thing belongs on another board so I would ask everybody to just ignore this part of you don't agree. I don't want to derail a thread containing solid advice from many on this board who are not Christians.
Find God. He helps greatly in these exact moments.
Your acceptance into this program did not happen by accident or on a whim. You must have sat down and pondered this issue for a while and put lots of work into getting accepted. It was the best decision at that time and it's likely the best decision at this time too.
The only thing different is NOW you are sitting in the moldy apartment and asking yourself "what am I doing?"
Everybody asks that question while they are in the muck of making themselves better in the long run.
I quit medical school so many times (in my head) but never told anyone about it.
I kept my head down and kept working and my life has been blessed more than I could ever imagine.
Keep a good attitude. It will calm your wife's anxiety.
Keep a good work ethic. It will impress those around you and lead to advancement.
The last thing belongs on another board so I would ask everybody to just ignore this part of you don't agree. I don't want to derail a thread containing solid advice from many on this board who are not Christians.
Find God. He helps greatly in these exact moments.
Posted on 7/31/16 at 7:18 am to StringedInstruments
stick with it - a top five program in any program is just about worth it.
long term this route is potentially much better financially for you.
look for a better place to live before you start classes and get moved in there.
long term this route is potentially much better financially for you.
look for a better place to live before you start classes and get moved in there.
Posted on 7/31/16 at 8:02 am to StringedInstruments
quote:
It could lead to a tenure, full professorship that pays around $100k in the long run. Being at this school certainly helps those chances but it's still a long shot in today's academic environment.
Look man if your options are making $50k/yr now vs $100k/yr in the future this is a no brainer. Assuming you have a 30 year career you're talking $1.5M in extra earnings for accumulating a meager $500/month aka $6k/year debt. Just get a credit card with 0% APR for the first year, then get another next year and do a balance transfer. As for the apartment, sounds like you picked a shite hole, that was a mistake, start a new search and tell them what happened and break your lease if you have to. Your wife needs to quit her $10k/year job and you need to stop the charade of having your kid in a private school. Your wife is making significantly less than she's worth and your 3 year old will have to learn his ABC's with the regular kids at public school. In a few years your kid will be 6 he has his whole life ahead of him to go to private school when you can afford it.
Relax, most of this stress is caused by your inability to put your wife and kid in their place while you move forward trying to better their lives. I cant believe your wife thinks making $10k a year to get a discount on your 3 year old to play with building blocks at a private school is a viable option. You're too nice a guy. Id leave her right now on the basis that she makes such ridiculous choices as the leader of my home. Anyways good luck to you but you have pretty simple choices to make.
1) Public School saves you a ton for your kid
2) Wife gets a real job, not a $10k/year gig, no offense my maid make $400/week cash
3) You find a comparable $1500/month or less apartment with AC & no mold
If you absolutely have to have more kids today vs say in 7 years, thats on you to decide and you can quit and go home and make $50k today by all means. Thats more of a want than a need.
This post was edited on 7/31/16 at 8:04 am
Posted on 7/31/16 at 8:04 am to StringedInstruments
And your seeking your Masters degree right?
College tenure will pay a great deal more over the long haul than high school teachers salary.
But I'm not sure going to a "top program". Will add to that benefit anymore than knocking the masters out locally in Alabama in night school for much less expense
College tenure will pay a great deal more over the long haul than high school teachers salary.
But I'm not sure going to a "top program". Will add to that benefit anymore than knocking the masters out locally in Alabama in night school for much less expense
Posted on 7/31/16 at 8:08 am to dabigfella
Regarding the mythical $100k/yr, I feel compelled to say that I know plenty of English PhDs, and very very very few are approaching this. Yes, a mid career, tenured prof at an AAU or Research 1 institution.....but we are talking about a highly select few. Academia is not a career path where YOU determine your earning potential or ultimate success. The institutions needs, budgetary constraints, and political factors will trump individual performance in all cases. I feel like the OP is chasing an unrealistic earnings expectation in today's university climate. In all likelihood, he will end up as an adjunct or professor,of practice, making $50k a year teaching 200+ students, and be t he has a job in his field.
Salaries in the humanities are terrible. You don't pursue those disciplines out of a love of money. Plenty of humanities doctorates end up teaching in prep schools......
Salaries in the humanities are terrible. You don't pursue those disciplines out of a love of money. Plenty of humanities doctorates end up teaching in prep schools......
Posted on 7/31/16 at 8:11 am to dabigfella
quote:
you need to stop the charade of having your kid in a private school. Your wife is making significantly less than she's worth and your 3 year old will have to learn his ABC's with the regular kids at public school.
Where do you live that has a free school option for 3 yr olds?
Posted on 7/31/16 at 8:17 am to DrEdgeLSU
I dont have kids, and admittedly I don't know the public school system at all, I went to private schools my whole life but are public schools not completely free? Is there not pre-k there? My maid has 4 kids and Im fairly certain she doesn't pay a dime to send them to school. All I know is his wife making $10k/year + school comps to help pay for the kids school is nowhere near as good as her making $40k/year as a teacher and just paying for the child's care.
Stuff like this always anger me because the bottom line is the OP is a really good guy, he's trying to better his families life by doing all her can, but at the end of the day his kid was a mistake, not the kid, but the timing of the kid. Its now weighing heavily on the guy because his wife can't get a decent job because of the kid, he's having to pay for a bigger place than he can afford because of the kid, and he's having to pay to take care of the kids schooling when he should be focused on himself at this point in his life. Good luck to ya OP but you gotta finish school, your wife needs to come up with a side business or something to help you and the kid out.
Stuff like this always anger me because the bottom line is the OP is a really good guy, he's trying to better his families life by doing all her can, but at the end of the day his kid was a mistake, not the kid, but the timing of the kid. Its now weighing heavily on the guy because his wife can't get a decent job because of the kid, he's having to pay for a bigger place than he can afford because of the kid, and he's having to pay to take care of the kids schooling when he should be focused on himself at this point in his life. Good luck to ya OP but you gotta finish school, your wife needs to come up with a side business or something to help you and the kid out.
Posted on 7/31/16 at 8:23 am to dabigfella
You're doing a whole lot of presuming in this thread, the same type of thing you were all over people about in the 40k millionaire thread.
Especially from someone who has stated they don't have kids. It's a different world, one that you shouldnt presume to know about just yet.
Especially from someone who has stated they don't have kids. It's a different world, one that you shouldnt presume to know about just yet.
Posted on 7/31/16 at 8:27 am to dabigfella
Most publicly funded programs that I've seen start at kindergarten. In GA there was a lottery to get into the public pre-K for a year before that, funded by the lottery.
Either way, school for a 3 yr old (in my experience) can cost $250/month or so for 9 months. Day care can run $200-250 per WEEK. So in the end it's probably a wash. I get what you are saying and also feel for the OP but I don't think this decision is what's hurting them. Nor is your commentary that their financial hardship right now is somehow all centered around the timing of kids.
Either way, school for a 3 yr old (in my experience) can cost $250/month or so for 9 months. Day care can run $200-250 per WEEK. So in the end it's probably a wash. I get what you are saying and also feel for the OP but I don't think this decision is what's hurting them. Nor is your commentary that their financial hardship right now is somehow all centered around the timing of kids.
Page 1 of 7
Popular
Back to top
Follow TigerDroppings for LSU Football News