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Message
re: Need Miscarriage Advice (update Pg 3, Miscarriage Official)
Posted on 10/13/15 at 4:22 pm to USAF Hart
Posted on 10/13/15 at 4:22 pm to USAF Hart
quote:
and we received the good news not too long ago that we are expecting #3. Through our joy, it was brought to light that one of the guys I supervise, his wife is pregnant as well. They were about a week ahead of us.
miscarriages happen. tell him to get back on that saddle. my wife had one early, she got immediately preggo again and there's been zero trouble.
1
Posted on 10/13/15 at 4:38 pm to USAF Hart
my wife miscarried around 6 weeks. I kind of took it in stride, but she was really depressed for a few months until we got pregnant again. The thing that really bummed me out was that she miscarried identical twins, which i was really excited about.
Posted on 10/13/15 at 5:26 pm to USAF Hart
I would say that Gods will will be done. miscarriages are a lot more common than people think. Usually when girls are a week late and then maybe have a heavy period a lot of times that's a really early miscarriage. Just let them know anything they need you're there for them.
Posted on 10/13/15 at 5:28 pm to USAF Hart
quote:
is weekend and his wife has started bleeding and is cramping. These are obvious signs of a miscarriage,
Not necessarily... Don't jump the gun and start giving them condolences before it's fact...
Now, speaking as someone who's gone through a miscarriage, it's an EXTREMELY personal issue. As a friend you want to be as helpful as you possibly can but as the person going through it, you don't want any outside things reminding you if it, at least that's how I felt.
IF the worst happens and they do have a miscarriage, let them grieve privately. Once they're ready to tell people I'm sure they'll tell you and your wife and THEN you can offer your sympathies and condolences. Don't send flowers or cards. Just kind words and the offer to do anything for them if they need it should be all you'd need to do.
Posted on 10/14/15 at 9:55 am to cdaniel76
Well this morning, they informed us that the worst has happened. They had a miscarriage. It sucks. To compound things, he just lost his grandfather (who raised him since he was 2, so essentially his father) about 3 weeks ago. I've offered to be the person who he or his wife can vent to. I've opened up the possibility for them to get counseling if that's the route they want to go.
Posted on 10/14/15 at 10:02 am to USAF Hart
This is a private time between the husband and wife. I know from experience. DO NOT give them any advice, gifts, etc. They will let you know when they are done grieving.
DO not feel guilty about your pregnancy, I can assure you they are happy that you are expecting. They will just need some time t get over their loss in their own way.
DO not feel guilty about your pregnancy, I can assure you they are happy that you are expecting. They will just need some time t get over their loss in their own way.
Posted on 10/14/15 at 10:05 am to USAF Hart
Your poor friend and his wife, that is horrible.
Like the other poster said, just leave them be right now. You let him know you are there if they need you and his wife, all you really can do at this point.
Like the other poster said, just leave them be right now. You let him know you are there if they need you and his wife, all you really can do at this point.
Posted on 10/14/15 at 10:07 am to USAF Hart
I've been in both your wife's position and your friends wife position. It's personal time for your friends. She needs time, don't get offended if she can't be around y'all right now but in time she can. Send them a text letting them know y'all are sorry and here for them.
Posted on 10/14/15 at 10:12 am to USAF Hart
quote:
How can I help him and his wife in this troubling time? Flowers, Candy, Card? I've never experienced a miscarriage this close to someone I know. Also, how can I help myself and my wife not feel guilty about our pregnancy but still be mindful of our close friends?
First off you and your wife need to remember 1/4 pregnancies end in miscarriage, most before the woman realizes she was pregnant.
As for the employee, I would talk to him and let him know that you two are pregnant and share , just with him, how it made you and the wife feel in light of his bad news. Do this before your wife is announcing it on facebook.
BTW, they did wait till 12 weeks to announce it right?
If not, shame on them.
This post was edited on 10/14/15 at 10:13 am
Posted on 10/14/15 at 10:14 am to mikelbr
They did not wait 12 weeks. They made it to about 8 1/2 weeks before announcing.
Posted on 10/14/15 at 10:14 am to NYNolaguy1
quote:
My wife miscarried last year, a week after her best friend announced on Facebook. Their due dates were a week apart from each other. Honestly, I would be lying to you if I said my wife wasn't angry and jealous of her friend. She was mad at the world, and everyone around her. I can easily see how women commit suicide over this sort of thing. Wife went through all the classic steps of grieving- depression, despair, anger, loneliness etc.
this. this is exactly what happened with us. I can see why it can lead to a divorce. in our case, we didn't want to see or hear from any of our pregnant friends
Posted on 10/14/15 at 10:18 am to USAF Hart
Not sure the policy, but do families have a funeral for a miscarriage or does the baby have to be born alive to constitute a funeral
Posted on 10/14/15 at 10:24 am to USAF Hart
quote:
They did not wait 12 weeks. They made it to about 8 1/2 weeks before announcing.
God dammit. I hate to kick someone while down but there's a reason the Dr, internet, old ladies, etc tell couples to wait.
Anyhoots. there ain't no easy way to console them for sure even though it makes sense to encourage them to get back on the bike and try again.
Posted on 10/14/15 at 10:39 am to mikelbr
I know I'll get flamed for being honest here, but I don't get it. Never been through or dealt with a miscarriage, but it seems like people tend to over react to them.
When you get pregnant, you know it's not a 100% success rate. There's a lot of science that has to take place in a very delicate process. Things happen, and you need to be prepared for that. I'm not saying be all doom and gloom, but understand the situation at hand.
Losing a fetus 6 weeks in isn't the end of the world. Does it suck? Sure it does. But you weren't attached to it yet. There was no bond, you didn't know if it was a boy or a girl, it hadn't been named, nothing. None of the changes that take place in life with a child had happened at that point. Hell, the woman's body had barely begun the process.
I get being upset and grieving a bit. But to be jealous of someone else, contemplating suicide, allowing it to lead to divorce, that's all a bit ridiculous. I've seen people lose small children handle it better than that, and that's a scenario where I'd be more understanding of that type of reaction. I can also see it when someone goes full term and delivers still born.
But first trimester, you can't let that ruin your life. It sucks, it's not something anyone wants to deal with or should have to go through, but far worse things can and will happen in life.
When you get pregnant, you know it's not a 100% success rate. There's a lot of science that has to take place in a very delicate process. Things happen, and you need to be prepared for that. I'm not saying be all doom and gloom, but understand the situation at hand.
Losing a fetus 6 weeks in isn't the end of the world. Does it suck? Sure it does. But you weren't attached to it yet. There was no bond, you didn't know if it was a boy or a girl, it hadn't been named, nothing. None of the changes that take place in life with a child had happened at that point. Hell, the woman's body had barely begun the process.
I get being upset and grieving a bit. But to be jealous of someone else, contemplating suicide, allowing it to lead to divorce, that's all a bit ridiculous. I've seen people lose small children handle it better than that, and that's a scenario where I'd be more understanding of that type of reaction. I can also see it when someone goes full term and delivers still born.
But first trimester, you can't let that ruin your life. It sucks, it's not something anyone wants to deal with or should have to go through, but far worse things can and will happen in life.
Posted on 10/14/15 at 10:44 am to Austin Cajun
Gee you are gonna be such a beacon of compassion if your wife ever has a miscarriage 
It is still a loss though, everyone grieves differently. You don't get to tell someone they are "over reacting" to a miscarriage.
quote:
but it seems like people tend to over react to them.
It is still a loss though, everyone grieves differently. You don't get to tell someone they are "over reacting" to a miscarriage.
Posted on 10/14/15 at 10:49 am to lsunurse
things like this are even worse now since everyone posts every thing about kids and all their highlights on facebook and social media
Posted on 10/14/15 at 10:51 am to Austin Cajun
quote:
but I don't get it. Never been through or dealt with a miscarriage
quote:
seems like people tend to over react to them.
have one, then judge
quote:
But you weren't attached to it yet. There was no bond
yes, we were and others probably were too
quote:
to be jealous of someone else
quote:
a bit ridiculous
maybe you should drop 20k on IVF only to see the white trash couple who aren't married pop kids out like crazy, then realize why being pissed off and jealous isn't ridiculous in the least
Posted on 10/14/15 at 10:54 am to Austin Cajun
quote:
I know I'll get flamed for being honest here, but I don't get it. Never been through or dealt with a miscarriage, but it seems like people tend to over react to them.
When you get pregnant, you know it's not a 100% success rate. There's a lot of science that has to take place in a very delicate process. Things happen, and you need to be prepared for that. I'm not saying be all doom and gloom, but understand the situation at hand.
Losing a fetus 6 weeks in isn't the end of the world. Does it suck? Sure it does. But you weren't attached to it yet. There was no bond, you didn't know if it was a boy or a girl, it hadn't been named, nothing. None of the changes that take place in life with a child had happened at that point. Hell, the woman's body had barely begun the process.
I get being upset and grieving a bit. But to be jealous of someone else, contemplating suicide, allowing it to lead to divorce, that's all a bit ridiculous. I've seen people lose small children handle it better than that, and that's a scenario where I'd be more understanding of that type of reaction. I can also see it when someone goes full term and delivers still born.
But first trimester, you can't let that ruin your life. It sucks, it's not something anyone wants to deal with or should have to go through, but far worse things can and will happen in life.
Posted on 10/14/15 at 10:55 am to maisweh
quote:
have one, then judge
I have and completely agree with every word he said.
quote:
yes, we were and others probably were too
small attachment, first trimester, you are just attached to the idea of being pregnant.
quote:
maybe you should drop 20k on IVF only to see the white trash couple who aren't married pop kids out like crazy, then realize why being pissed off and jealous isn't ridiculous in the least
ahh haa, pissed about the money spent. Gotcha.
Posted on 10/14/15 at 11:00 am to mikelbr
quote:
BTW, they did wait till 12 weeks to announce it right?
If not, shame on them.
GTFO with this bullshite.
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