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Started By
Message
Dumb jokes
Posted on 4/27/15 at 2:18 pm
Posted on 4/27/15 at 2:18 pm
So I love a good pun. What's the best short & stupid jokes you have?
What's the advantage of living in Switzerland?
Well, the flag is a big plus.
I dreamed about drowning in an ocean made out of orange soda last night. It took me a while to work out it was just a Fanta sea.
A Higgs Boson walks into a church, and the priest yells 'get out!' The Boson replies 'But you can't have mass without me'.
2 whales walk into a bar.
First whale says: ooooEEEEEEEEaaaayyyyyuuuuuuaaaaaa eeeeooOOOOYAIIIAIIIEYOOOooooooo
Second whale says: Shut up Steve, you're drunk
What's the advantage of living in Switzerland?
Well, the flag is a big plus.
I dreamed about drowning in an ocean made out of orange soda last night. It took me a while to work out it was just a Fanta sea.
A Higgs Boson walks into a church, and the priest yells 'get out!' The Boson replies 'But you can't have mass without me'.
2 whales walk into a bar.
First whale says: ooooEEEEEEEEaaaayyyyyuuuuuuaaaaaa eeeeooOOOOYAIIIAIIIEYOOOooooooo
Second whale says: Shut up Steve, you're drunk
This post was edited on 4/27/15 at 2:19 pm
19
Posted on 4/27/15 at 2:20 pm to DavidTheGnome
Did you hear the energizer bunny got arrested?
He was charged with battery.
Two antennae got married. The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was terrific!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The Police.
The Police who?
Ma'am, your son is dead.
He was charged with battery.
Two antennae got married. The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was terrific!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The Police.
The Police who?
Ma'am, your son is dead.
Posted on 4/27/15 at 2:20 pm to DavidTheGnome
What do you do with a cannibal who shows up late for dinner?
Give him the cold shoulder!
Give him the cold shoulder!
Posted on 4/27/15 at 2:21 pm to DavidTheGnome
A roman walks into a bar and says to the bartender "I'd like a martinus."
The bartender says "You mean a martini?"
The roman says "No thanks, just a single."
The bartender says "You mean a martini?"
The roman says "No thanks, just a single."
Posted on 4/27/15 at 2:23 pm to DavidTheGnome
A horse walks into a bar.
Bartender: "Why the long face?"
The horse: "My alcoholism is destroying my family."
Bartender: "Why the long face?"
The horse: "My alcoholism is destroying my family."
Posted on 4/27/15 at 2:23 pm to DavidTheGnome
Mickey Mouse gets a call from his lawyer, the lawyer tells him "Mickey I'm sorry, but you can't divorce Minnie just because she's crazy".
Mickey says "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she was fricking Goofy".
Mickey says "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she was fricking Goofy".
Posted on 4/27/15 at 2:24 pm to DavidTheGnome
A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge says, ‘First offender?’ She says, ‘No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!
Posted on 4/27/15 at 2:24 pm to DavidTheGnome
Knock knock
Who's there?
9/11
911 who?
I thought you said you'd never forget
Who's there?
9/11
911 who?
I thought you said you'd never forget
Posted on 4/27/15 at 2:25 pm to DavidTheGnome
Russian history in 5 words: And then things got worse.
Posted on 4/27/15 at 2:26 pm to DavidTheGnome
You should start performing at comedy clubs
Posted on 4/27/15 at 2:27 pm to DavidTheGnome
What did the truck driver say to the one-legged hitchhiker?
Hop in.
Hop in.
Posted on 4/27/15 at 2:30 pm to DavidTheGnome
What did the ocean say to the boat?
-Nothing, he just waved.
What did the sushi say to the bee?
-Wasabi
-Nothing, he just waved.
What did the sushi say to the bee?
-Wasabi
Posted on 4/27/15 at 2:43 pm to DavidTheGnome
Want to hear a dumb joke?
Women's Rights.
Women's Rights.
Posted on 4/27/15 at 2:48 pm to DavidTheGnome
Man to pirate: "why is a steering wheel sticking out of your pants?"
Pirate: "it's driving me nuts!"
Pirate: "it's driving me nuts!"
This post was edited on 4/27/15 at 2:49 pm
Posted on 4/27/15 at 2:53 pm to DavidTheGnome
Why did the elephant paint it's toenails red? To hide in a strawberry patch. Have you ever seen an elephant in a strawberry patch? It works doesn't it.
Posted on 4/27/15 at 3:16 pm to DavidTheGnome
Knock knock
Who's there
Interupting cow
Interupting Co----
MOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Who's there
Interupting cow
Interupting Co----
MOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Posted on 4/27/15 at 3:20 pm to DavidTheGnome
two atoms are walking down the street, one looks around and says hey!, I've lost an electron, the other asks, are you sure? his buddy says I'm positive
Posted on 4/27/15 at 3:32 pm to DavidTheGnome
Q: How does every Russian joke start?
A: By looking over your shoulder.
Q: Why wasn't Jesus born in Russia?
A: He couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.
A Briton, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden. "Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British."
"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French."
"No way! They have no clothes and no shelter," the Russian points out, "They have only an apple to eat, and they are being told they live in a paradise. Obviously, they are Russian."
A: By looking over your shoulder.
Q: Why wasn't Jesus born in Russia?
A: He couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.
A Briton, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden. "Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British."
"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French."
"No way! They have no clothes and no shelter," the Russian points out, "They have only an apple to eat, and they are being told they live in a paradise. Obviously, they are Russian."
Posted on 4/27/15 at 3:38 pm to DavidTheGnome
Two condoms walking down the street come across a gay bar. One condom turns to the other and says, "Hey, you want to get shite faced tonight?"
Posted on 4/27/15 at 3:58 pm to DavidTheGnome
Police were called to a daycare where one of the two year olds was resisting a rest.
What do you do with an elephant who has three balls?
Walk him and pitch to the kangaroo instead.
What do you do with an elephant who has three balls?
Walk him and pitch to the kangaroo instead.
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