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Started By
Message
re: Most truly awkward moment on a date you've ever had
Posted on 6/27/14 at 8:56 am to Darth_Vader
Posted on 6/27/14 at 8:56 am to Darth_Vader
quote:
Let's be honest. You'd have been fine with about 7 minutes to spare.
Pretty much, but we never would have gotten our clothes back on in time
Posted on 6/27/14 at 8:56 am to bencoleman
Where did she insert said tampon if she's bleeding too bad to go in and buy them?
Posted on 6/27/14 at 9:04 am to kingbob
quote:
Pretty much, but we never would have gotten our clothes back on in time
I was giving you an extra 2 minutes to get dressed.
Posted on 6/27/14 at 9:14 am to djangochained
quote:
of course
quote:
translate
from: English
"of course"
to: OT Baller
"Hell no!"
This post was edited on 6/27/14 at 9:15 am
Posted on 6/27/14 at 9:23 am to pointdog33
quote:
She was cute, but I was obviously doing her and our mutual friends a favor by being her date.
You're such a giver to the human race. Let me just say "Thank You" for all the sacrifices you make so all us average folks can feel better about ourselves. You're the BEST!!!
But, I guess you knew that already.
Posted on 6/27/14 at 9:26 am to Darth_Vader
Went out with this chick a few years ago, cute little blonde with a banging body. We hit it off pretty good and end up in the sack. To this day, she was the best lay I've ever had. We went at it for a while, then again the next morning.
Well, when it was time for me to roll out, she could no longer hold in all the cray cray she had been suppressing the night before.
Her: So what now?
Me: What do you mean?
Her: Where do we go from here?
Me: Um, let me see what I have going on but I'm sure we will get together again soon.
Her: No, that's not what I mean. I know we will hang out more.
Me: I'm confused, what are you looking for then?
Her: A commitment. I want to be with you.
Me: We've been on one date, I barely know you, I'm not quite ready for a commitment.
Her: But I love you and want to be with you, I need to know you aren't going to see other women.
Me: Whoa, this is getting weird. You're moving way too fast. I'm not even looking for a relationship right now.
She starts crying at this point and screaming at me. I don't recall she was saying, but she was pissed because I wasn't going to go into a committed relationship with her and I pointed out that she had already killed whatever chance there may have been of that happening.
So I end it with "I'm going to leave now" and left.
She still blew my phone up over the next couple of months.
Crazy Bitches
Well, when it was time for me to roll out, she could no longer hold in all the cray cray she had been suppressing the night before.
Her: So what now?
Me: What do you mean?
Her: Where do we go from here?
Me: Um, let me see what I have going on but I'm sure we will get together again soon.
Her: No, that's not what I mean. I know we will hang out more.
Me: I'm confused, what are you looking for then?
Her: A commitment. I want to be with you.
Me: We've been on one date, I barely know you, I'm not quite ready for a commitment.
Her: But I love you and want to be with you, I need to know you aren't going to see other women.
Me: Whoa, this is getting weird. You're moving way too fast. I'm not even looking for a relationship right now.
She starts crying at this point and screaming at me. I don't recall she was saying, but she was pissed because I wasn't going to go into a committed relationship with her and I pointed out that she had already killed whatever chance there may have been of that happening.
So I end it with "I'm going to leave now" and left.
She still blew my phone up over the next couple of months.
Crazy Bitches
Posted on 6/27/14 at 9:36 am to rebeloke
Went to a party at a friends house in high school and met a girl who was friends with a girl at my school, started flirting back and forth. I wasn't drinking that night bc we had a soccer game the next day so this girl asked me to drive her and her friend home. Back then I had a single cab truck, so the three of us were all sitting on the bench seat. The girl I had just met was in the middle with the girl I knew at the window seat. Well the girl starts rubbing on the D, a couple minutes later her friend notices and kinda scuffs at her but the girl continues. A few minutes later the girl at the window lets out a huge fart and says "I hope that ruins the moment"... It did.
Posted on 6/27/14 at 9:49 am to LigerFan
quote:
"I hope that ruins the moment"... It did.
Posted on 6/27/14 at 10:10 am to Austin Cajun
Did it go something like this?
I'm not going to be ignored, Dan.
I'm not going to be ignored, Dan.
This post was edited on 6/27/14 at 10:13 am
Posted on 6/27/14 at 10:16 am to rebeloke
rebel
i know you get a lot of shite for starting awful threads, but i want to say thank you for the attempts. every now and again you get a flash in the pan which produces some interesting reads.
i know you get a lot of shite for starting awful threads, but i want to say thank you for the attempts. every now and again you get a flash in the pan which produces some interesting reads.
Posted on 6/27/14 at 10:17 am to Happygilmore
Yeah, a broke clock is right twice a day!
Posted on 6/27/14 at 10:18 am to Austin Cajun
quote:
So I end it with "I'm going to leave now" and left.
She still blew my phone up over the next couple of months.
Something is not quite right here... Good story, though.
Posted on 6/27/14 at 10:32 am to rebeloke
This story is long, so I apologize in advance.
This one happened back in college. It was my senior year and I was slammed with 19 hours and a part time job. I get home from school one day, exhausted, way low on sleep, and bunged up because I hadn't even had time to take a dump all day. All I wanted to do was take a dump, take a shower, and go to sleep. Just as walk in the door (I'd moved back in with my parents to save some cash)My mom asks "Remember my friend Ms. Whatever? Well her niece has been in town all week visiting and she's bored, would you mind taking her out on a date tonight and showing her around LSU campus?"
Damn. I did NOT see that in my future evening, but hey, when my mom asks a favor, I gotta oblige. So I agree, jump in the shower, no time to take a shite, get ready, and go pick this chick up. She's a cheerleader at Northwestern, but they grow the girls kinda thick up there so it's not as good as it sounds. But OK fine, she's not a troll and it's just one date.
I take her out to Sports and since I knew the head bartender we start pounding free drinks. It turns out she's pretty cool, and after several beers she's not looking so thick either. Hell, other than still having to shite, I'm having a good time. We end up dancing and flirting and there's some chemistry going on.
As it gets later, things get hotter and she asks if I know somewhere we can go? Well, I'm NOT taking her back to my parents house, and I'm NOT taking her back to her aunts place, but I definitely want to get this girl naked now. So we jump in my truck and head back towards Central. things are cool on the drive, but in the back of my mind I'm in panic mode. I still have this massive dump on deck that's been brewing all day and it's just a ticking time bomb ready to explode. Also, I don't have a condom!
We pass a gas station and I quickly think, here's my chance to kill two birds with one stone. I say "I really need some water, I'm going to pop out and get some, be right back". Guys, you know how it is when you've been holding in a turdvalanch all day, and as you finally approach the opportunity to release it, all your muscles go from lock down mode to open the floodgates. I was fast walking across the parking lot beelining for the bathroom when I hit the door to the Stop and Rob and the mf'er is CLOSED! F*&K!
All I can do is try to shut the system down again and get back in the truck. But I persevere and head back to the woods between Biltmoore and Biltmoore II. I pull in to the trees and we start going at it. But my truck is a little Toyota, single cab with bench seat, and almost no room to maneuver. We open the doors to give some room but it's May, hot and humid as hell, and the mosquitoes start tearing our asses up. I get her cloths off and I'm down to boxers, but my stomach is gurgling, we're both sobering up, and the mosquito banquet is killing us. Finally, we both just can't take it and we get dressed and I bring her home. I manage to not shite myself as I walk her to the door, kiss her goodnight, and just as I turn to leave, a loudass fart escapes! I just kept walking to the truck, hoping I haven't sharted myself, and SPEED home.
I get home, take the worst dump of my life, and crawl in to bed. The next day I look in the mirror and I'm covered in bites and the bitch gave me a hicky!
I stumble to the kitchen and my mom says "Ms. Whatever called to thank you for taking niece out, she said she had a wonderful time"
I mumbled something and went back to bed.
This one happened back in college. It was my senior year and I was slammed with 19 hours and a part time job. I get home from school one day, exhausted, way low on sleep, and bunged up because I hadn't even had time to take a dump all day. All I wanted to do was take a dump, take a shower, and go to sleep. Just as walk in the door (I'd moved back in with my parents to save some cash)My mom asks "Remember my friend Ms. Whatever? Well her niece has been in town all week visiting and she's bored, would you mind taking her out on a date tonight and showing her around LSU campus?"
Damn. I did NOT see that in my future evening, but hey, when my mom asks a favor, I gotta oblige. So I agree, jump in the shower, no time to take a shite, get ready, and go pick this chick up. She's a cheerleader at Northwestern, but they grow the girls kinda thick up there so it's not as good as it sounds. But OK fine, she's not a troll and it's just one date.
I take her out to Sports and since I knew the head bartender we start pounding free drinks. It turns out she's pretty cool, and after several beers she's not looking so thick either. Hell, other than still having to shite, I'm having a good time. We end up dancing and flirting and there's some chemistry going on.
As it gets later, things get hotter and she asks if I know somewhere we can go? Well, I'm NOT taking her back to my parents house, and I'm NOT taking her back to her aunts place, but I definitely want to get this girl naked now. So we jump in my truck and head back towards Central. things are cool on the drive, but in the back of my mind I'm in panic mode. I still have this massive dump on deck that's been brewing all day and it's just a ticking time bomb ready to explode. Also, I don't have a condom!
We pass a gas station and I quickly think, here's my chance to kill two birds with one stone. I say "I really need some water, I'm going to pop out and get some, be right back". Guys, you know how it is when you've been holding in a turdvalanch all day, and as you finally approach the opportunity to release it, all your muscles go from lock down mode to open the floodgates. I was fast walking across the parking lot beelining for the bathroom when I hit the door to the Stop and Rob and the mf'er is CLOSED! F*&K!
All I can do is try to shut the system down again and get back in the truck. But I persevere and head back to the woods between Biltmoore and Biltmoore II. I pull in to the trees and we start going at it. But my truck is a little Toyota, single cab with bench seat, and almost no room to maneuver. We open the doors to give some room but it's May, hot and humid as hell, and the mosquitoes start tearing our asses up. I get her cloths off and I'm down to boxers, but my stomach is gurgling, we're both sobering up, and the mosquito banquet is killing us. Finally, we both just can't take it and we get dressed and I bring her home. I manage to not shite myself as I walk her to the door, kiss her goodnight, and just as I turn to leave, a loudass fart escapes! I just kept walking to the truck, hoping I haven't sharted myself, and SPEED home.
I get home, take the worst dump of my life, and crawl in to bed. The next day I look in the mirror and I'm covered in bites and the bitch gave me a hicky!
I stumble to the kitchen and my mom says "Ms. Whatever called to thank you for taking niece out, she said she had a wonderful time"
I mumbled something and went back to bed.
Posted on 6/27/14 at 10:35 am to TygerTyger
quote:
I stumble to the kitchen and my mom says "Ms. Whatever called to thank you for taking niece out, she said she had a wonderful time"
I mumbled something and went back to bed.
Did you ever go on another date with her?
Posted on 6/27/14 at 10:36 am to rebeloke
When my now wife's phone rang and she didn't answer it...very odd
Posted on 6/27/14 at 10:55 am to TygerTyger
SOL on that one...
So you never talked to her ever again?
So you never talked to her ever again?
Posted on 6/27/14 at 10:57 am to rebeloke
This is long, sorry in advance tl/dr:
I meet this smokin’ hot blonde girl it’s right before Y2K, we have lunch:
She: So, where do you work, (my name)?
Me: Initech.
She: In... yeah, what do you do there?
Me: I sit in a cubicle and I update bank software for the 2000 switch.
She: What's that?
Me: Well see, they wrote all this bank software, and, uh, to save space, they used two digits for the date instead of four. So, like, 98 instead of 1998? Uh, so I go through these thousands of lines of code and, uh... it doesn't really matter. I uh, I don't like my job, and, uh, I don't think I'm gonna go anymore.
She: You're just not gonna go?
Me: Yeah.
She: Won't you get fired?
Me: I don't know, but I really don't like it, and, uh, I'm not gonna go.
She: So you're gonna quit?
Me: Nuh-uh. Not really. Uh... I'm just gonna stop going.
She: When did you decide all that?
Me: About an hour ago.
She: Oh, really? About an hour ago... so you're gonna get another job?
Me: I don't think I'd like another job.
She: Well, what are you going to do about money and bills and...
Me: You know, I've never really liked paying bills. I don't think I'm gonna do that, either.
She: Well, so what do you wanna do?
Me: I wanna take you out to dinner, and then I wanna go back to my apartment and watch 'Kung Fu'. Do you ever watch 'Kung Fu'?
She: I love 'Kung Fu'.
Me: Channel 39.
She: Totally.
Me: You should come over and watch 'Kung Fu' tonight.
She: Ok.
[I nod]
She: Ok. Can we order lunch first?
[I nod again]
She: Ok.
I meet this smokin’ hot blonde girl it’s right before Y2K, we have lunch:
She: So, where do you work, (my name)?
Me: Initech.
She: In... yeah, what do you do there?
Me: I sit in a cubicle and I update bank software for the 2000 switch.
She: What's that?
Me: Well see, they wrote all this bank software, and, uh, to save space, they used two digits for the date instead of four. So, like, 98 instead of 1998? Uh, so I go through these thousands of lines of code and, uh... it doesn't really matter. I uh, I don't like my job, and, uh, I don't think I'm gonna go anymore.
She: You're just not gonna go?
Me: Yeah.
She: Won't you get fired?
Me: I don't know, but I really don't like it, and, uh, I'm not gonna go.
She: So you're gonna quit?
Me: Nuh-uh. Not really. Uh... I'm just gonna stop going.
She: When did you decide all that?
Me: About an hour ago.
She: Oh, really? About an hour ago... so you're gonna get another job?
Me: I don't think I'd like another job.
She: Well, what are you going to do about money and bills and...
Me: You know, I've never really liked paying bills. I don't think I'm gonna do that, either.
She: Well, so what do you wanna do?
Me: I wanna take you out to dinner, and then I wanna go back to my apartment and watch 'Kung Fu'. Do you ever watch 'Kung Fu'?
She: I love 'Kung Fu'.
Me: Channel 39.
She: Totally.
Me: You should come over and watch 'Kung Fu' tonight.
She: Ok.
[I nod]
She: Ok. Can we order lunch first?
[I nod again]
She: Ok.
Posted on 6/27/14 at 10:58 am to rebeloke
I had a guy pull the awkward yawn, then put arm around my shoulder thing on a first (and only) date. Other people around us noticed....It was weird.
Sad thing is he tried really hard....took me to one of those traveling broadway plays at the river center theater because he knew I liked them. But I just wasn't into him....and tried to make it obvious, but apparently he didn't read my signals well at all...
Sad thing is he tried really hard....took me to one of those traveling broadway plays at the river center theater because he knew I liked them. But I just wasn't into him....and tried to make it obvious, but apparently he didn't read my signals well at all...
Posted on 6/27/14 at 11:19 am to soccerfüt
quote:
This is long, sorry in advance tl/dr:
I meet this smokin’ hot blonde girl it’s right before Y2K, we have lunch
I'm gonna need you to come in tomorrow, Peter.
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