re: Married folks: bank accounts and bill paying question

I've done it all.

First marriage started with a joint checking account. She wanted to do the bill paying. OK with me. The first few years were OK then she started getting into some severe spending problems. She went clothes shopping every day. Hid the stuff in the trunk till I was out of the house. Kept the closet from becoming overly full by gathering up last month's shopping, bagging it and taking it out to the garbage.

When I found out I demanded separate checking and splitting the mutual bills. But personal purchases were handled separately. I immediately accumulated 10K worth of savings while she was living week to week.

We got divorced after 17 years. Money was not the issue for the divorce. But I became very skeptical of women and money when I entered 2nd (and current) marriage. My 2nd wife made good money but was in heavy debt. When she proposed I said "OK, but we're having separate accounts." She: "Fine, I'm not good with money...you manage it."

After 2 years I was amazed at how thrifty she had become. She completely paid off all her debts and started accumulating some savings. I was convinced she had changed. We switched to joint checking, joint savings. We've been married 18 years and she's been terrific. Once in a while I'll get a high Visa bill and say "Honey, you need to calm down."

She'll say "OK" and cut back on the charges.

My advise: Keep things separate at first until you get a handle of your wife's money issues. After awhile if you're convinced she's on the same page as you then combine accounts.

Gonna be different answers for many different reasons. Whatever is done is make sure it's decided before getting married. It was easy in our case. I pay the bills and keep track of everything. Been married 15 years and works great. She's the type that will call me and ask if ok to buy a hundred dollar pair of shoes so no problem with her overspending etc.

I wouldn't have it any other way and it may have been a problem if initially she wanted to be in charge of the checkbook. I know friends who want nothing to do with it and the wife does it and it works great.

Never understood the whole different accounts stuff, makes no sense to me if you are married but to each their own.

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What do you want, a merger, a joint venture, or an equity stake? And is she to be held-to-maturity or held-for-trading? Available for sale?

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9.5/10.
To everyone else freaking out about separate accounts:
You can have joint money without joint accounts. It just makes it easier to not have overdrafts. There is no need to split the tab, because it is shared money.

Figure out a bill sharing system that works and run with it. The best I have heard is my friend and his wife rash automatically contribute to their account that pays monthly bills. Each keeps a few thousand in checking, and the one with more cash pays anything they need to from their. That does not mean that if one were to be running low, they would tell one another to go pound sand.

we each have our own account and a joint one

Pretty much the only thing that comes out of joint account is the mortgage payment

She buys groceries and I pay almost all the other bills

We each contribute one paycheck every other month to the joint account (it works out to almost exactly our mortgage payment) and the rest of our money we do with as we please

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If you two don't trust each other enough to share a bank account...don't bother buying a ring.

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keeping separate bank accounts is not the same thing as fighting about money

I can think of one disagreement my wife and I have had about money in the last month.. and it was just because I picked up the tab for dinner when we went out with one of her friends.

she has a job of her own and she likes the feeling of holding on to some of that money to do with as she pleases (and that usually entails just throwing it into her own savings account ) and I'm fine with that.

We joined accounts as soon as we were engaged. I manage all the $ and she likes it that way. She also doesn't buy much, it's nice.

We never have to have a "you or I spend too much talk." She used to have debt while we dated but she loves not having any debt now.

Not married, but I really hope I marry a woman I am comfortable enough having a joint account with. Not knocking those who do it separately, but like someone said I feel like joint would facilitate more communication, JMO.

And I intend to have a shitload more money than her so this aint exactly to my benefit haha.

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I think this is the part some people aren't understanding. You won't have more money THAN HER. YOUR money will be HERS.

So, yes, that is why it's important to absolutely and completely trust your potential wife/husband with "your" money.

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O I completely agree. I just have some friends who were talking about not doing it because of their finances vs hers.

I was saying that even though I know I have a lot more money than my current gf, if/when we get married I'd still want to do joint for the reasons you mentioned.

I don't want to feel like she's stealing my money and I'd hate for her to feel like she's not carrying her own weight.

is it true that money can be gifted to a couple in addition to individually?

her:13K/yr
me:13K/yr
us:13K/yr

if I'm wrong, stop me now, but would having a joint account prevent you from receiving the maximum possible? because technically i would be getting half of her gift as well?

I'm getting married next year and just trying to get a handle on this.