Whats the better handgun

the one where you can hit the target the best

Whatever you can shoot best and hit with

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the one where you can hit the target the best

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This is definitely a good answer. A hit with a 9mm is better than a miss with a 44 mag.

In what you listed, I can simplify it as this:

10mm > 9mm = 40 = 45

Depending on the hollow point you choose, for the most part, those 3 don't have much difference ballistically (if using expanding ammo). If you are forced to use hardball ammo (like the military) then bigger is better. But, each round has it's own caveat: 9mm = light and fast; 45 = heavy and slow.

But 10mm is in a league of its own. It has considerably more muzzle energy than any of those others listed. But ammo is quite expensive and recoil is a bit more stout.

All would be fine as a car weapon though. As long as you don't plan on carrying it you are not limited by size.

As the others have stated...the one that feels the best in your hand when you pick it up...

For home defense I like a full size larger frame gun...felt recoil and follow up shots will be easier.

I prefer the .45 over others.
Look at Glock/Springfield XD's or XDm / Smith and Wesson M&P.

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In what you listed, I can simplify it as this:

Full power 10mm > 9mm = 40 = 45

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Fixed. Considering that most factory ammo is loaded considerably lighter than max spec it's pretty much a wash when it actually comes to SD use. Nobody should argue that you are going to kill someone faster or deader with any of those choices. Should being the operative term as some will argue for their bias regardless.... For the money I just run .45 Super out my USP.

.45 usp here but one of the best guns I ever owned was a sig 9 p226

Caliber: take your pick.

The better question is what kind of action do you want and how big do you want the gun to be.

Examples of different actions and recommendations for a corresponding full size pistol:

Single Only: 1911
Double/Single: HK USP or Sig P226/9
Striker Fire: Glock or S&W M&P
Revolver: S&W 686+

If you want to conceal, then it's a whole different ball game.

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For the money I just run .45 Super out my USP.

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New barrel?

And how much longer is 45 super than standard ACP? I don't think I've seen that round in person before...

To me an argument can be made for all 4 of those calibers listed except .40.

9 will have the best capacity and nobody ever wanted less rounds in a gun fight.

I have a S&W M&P .40 and absolutely love it. Buddy of mine just bought the Springfield Armory Xdm .45 and he loves it too. I think the Xdm got gun of the year if I'm not mistaken. I just don't like the way the Xdm feels in my hand. It's hard to find a perfect home protection/CC gun.