So I have finally settled on a Smith and Wesson M&P for my first hand gun

The M&P was originally designed to be a 40 if I'm not mistaken. I know the early M&P 9's had some issues but they should all be GTG now.

Buy from where ever you can find it. I got my ruger from cabelas cause it was within $50 of anything online. After FFL and everything just wasn't worth the hassle online.

I got a 9mm cause ammo was cheap and i wanted to shoot it plenty. Maybe not the case as much now.

Get the .45. I shot all three before I decided. .40 is way snappier, although still a nice piece. At least shoot the .45 before deciding. I love mine!

good choice

get apex trigger

Great choice of handgun. Order the apex duty Cary kit, ram kit, and aluminum trigger. You'll get a good laugh when people try your gun. It's awesome and you can do it yourself.

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so what do yall suggest? 9mm or 40?

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I'd get a 9mm instead of 40.

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also where do you suggest i make the purchase? i do not want to purchase it online.

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Since I don't live in BR, I can't help you w/ local gun stores. My nearest gun store is 50 miles away. I've bought nearly all my guns off the internet, using a local FFL for the transfer. I've been very happy w/ these deals. I've had good experiences w/:
LINK /
LINK
LINK , but it was 1 1/2 years ago... and
LINK /

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and what specific ammo do you suggest?

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For SD, I carry Remington Golden Saber and Speer Gold Dot. I'm sure there are newer rounds out there, but both of these have solid, proven tracken records in the guns I cc and function 100%. No matter what SD load you use, be sure you've shot it enough to be 100% confident that it'll will function.

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for target practice and HD?

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Winchester White Box since that's usually the only thing available at my local WM (on the VERY RARE occasion it's avialable).

If the gun's not going to be used for concealed carry, I'd suggest buying the biggest version of the gun that you shoot the best.

I've seen the Apex trigger mentioned some. My approach to SD guns is like my approach to my profession......I try to avoid needless professional risk and liability. If I'm going to potentially use a gun for self defense, I'm not going to make changes in the factory trigger. From what I've read, I'm concerned that having a non-stock trigger on a gun that's used in a self defense shooting could present a problem for my defense if the shooting ends up in court (possibly criminal, but more likely civil). If I'm not satisfied w/ the trigger as is, I'm going to use a different gun.

Full version of a Maasad Ayoob article w/ lots of good info. LINK /

Brief version: "The two things I would strongly advise against doing and have strongly advised against doing, would be a trigger pull lighter than the factory recommends, and removal or de-activation of a safety device."