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Do you and your siblings generally agree on the quality of your childhood?
Posted on 9/23/25 at 9:35 pm
Posted on 9/23/25 at 9:35 pm
I'm 32 so my "childhood" was late 90's, early 2000's and even for that time, my parents would have been considered somewhat "old school" (very disciplinary and conservative).
I've always considered it fairly positive, that the way I was raised gave me a leg up versus some my peers who seem to have had "softer childhoods" and thought my siblings felt the same (brother and sister, all very close in age).
Recently, I brought up some good memories and learned my sister believes we were basically raised in an "abusive home" and she now has "trauma".
My brother thinks some of the lessons were good but agrees that it was generally negative.
Is it pretty common to have this wide of a range of opinion in the experiences of growing up in the same situation?
I've always considered it fairly positive, that the way I was raised gave me a leg up versus some my peers who seem to have had "softer childhoods" and thought my siblings felt the same (brother and sister, all very close in age).
Recently, I brought up some good memories and learned my sister believes we were basically raised in an "abusive home" and she now has "trauma".
My brother thinks some of the lessons were good but agrees that it was generally negative.
Is it pretty common to have this wide of a range of opinion in the experiences of growing up in the same situation?
38
Posted on 9/23/25 at 9:37 pm to SidewalkTiger
I only grew up with one of my four siblings... and we agree our childhood was horrendous.
Posted on 9/23/25 at 9:38 pm to SidewalkTiger
Me and my three siblings all agree that we had a positive upbringing. We were Gen X. Sometimes referred to as the latch key kids generation. We were taught to study hard and work hard. “I can’t” was an unacceptable phrase. We were made to pay for our mistakes.
It sounds like your siblings may be buying into the victimhood mindset/industry. That seems to be a trap for Millennials, the every-body-gets-a-trophy generation.
It sounds like your siblings may be buying into the victimhood mindset/industry. That seems to be a trap for Millennials, the every-body-gets-a-trophy generation.
This post was edited on 9/23/25 at 9:47 pm
Posted on 9/23/25 at 9:39 pm to SidewalkTiger
I agree. My experience was def a lot different than my siblings.
This post was edited on 9/23/25 at 10:03 pm
Posted on 9/23/25 at 9:45 pm to SidewalkTiger
quote:
Is it pretty common to have this wide of a range of opinion in the experiences of growing up in the same situation?
I have two younger brothers and we agree on the same experiences. But I will say that I know of situations where kids in the same household had different experiences for whatever reason.
One child being more difficult, different stage of life for the parents, health reasons etc.
My wife is like that. My in laws became relatively wealthy after my wife was born but before her younger siblings were born. They have very different experiences and memories even though they aren't that far apart in age.
Posted on 9/23/25 at 9:46 pm to SallysHuman
quote:
I only grew up with one of my four siblings... and we agree our childhood was horrendous.
Seems like a mess.
One thing I pointed out to my siblings that simply having a two parent household that stayed intact the entire time was much better than many kids our age had.
Sad that has to be the case but it is what it is.
Posted on 9/23/25 at 9:51 pm to Sterling Archer
quote:
My wife is like that. My in laws became relatively wealthy after my wife was born but before her younger siblings were born. They have very different experiences and memories even though they aren't that far apart in age.
Same.
My wife and her oldest sibling are very close in age and they grew up relatively poor due to various circumstances, then her dad started making ~$250k in the early 2000's and they had another two kids close in age, maybe 8-10 years apart from the first two.
The older and younger kids might as well be from two different families.
Posted on 9/23/25 at 9:51 pm to SidewalkTiger
My brother and I grew up in the late 70's - 80's and had great parents that raised us old school. We share that our childhood memories and the way we were raised was about as good as it gets for lower middle class kids living in the suburbs.
I would never be insensitive enough to paint everyone with the same brush, but in my experience/observation, peoples memories and their own personal experience is viewed by the times that they grow up in.Everyone has their own personal experiences and those experiences tend to shape our character, lives and general outlook during our life journey. I see this attitude you speak of from your siblings becoming more prevalent of the younger generations, and it has to make you wonder.
My observation is, People that are addicted to the drama/narcissism in the social media driven grievance victimhood world, tend to see everything as a negative experience and just want the attention that sympathy brings.
I would never be insensitive enough to paint everyone with the same brush, but in my experience/observation, peoples memories and their own personal experience is viewed by the times that they grow up in.Everyone has their own personal experiences and those experiences tend to shape our character, lives and general outlook during our life journey. I see this attitude you speak of from your siblings becoming more prevalent of the younger generations, and it has to make you wonder.
My observation is, People that are addicted to the drama/narcissism in the social media driven grievance victimhood world, tend to see everything as a negative experience and just want the attention that sympathy brings.
Posted on 9/23/25 at 9:55 pm to SidewalkTiger
We had a great childhood. We didn’t realize it until high school and college years when it became obvious how totally F’d most of our friends’ parents and families were.
We had amazing parents and grandparents. Really better than idiots like us deserved.
I wouldn’t change a thing about it.
ETA my in-laws are a blended family. They are all nice and well-meaning but it was definitely a more challenging upbringing. The kids all agree.
We had amazing parents and grandparents. Really better than idiots like us deserved.
I wouldn’t change a thing about it.
ETA my in-laws are a blended family. They are all nice and well-meaning but it was definitely a more challenging upbringing. The kids all agree.
This post was edited on 9/23/25 at 9:59 pm
Posted on 9/23/25 at 9:59 pm to SidewalkTiger
Yes for the most part except she felt like my parents favored me a lot as the youngest. That may be slightly true but it was really because she’s tends to be a melodramatic. And it’s kinda the same with our kids too.
Posted on 9/23/25 at 10:05 pm to SidewalkTiger
No. I’m the oldest, and a half-sibling to everyone else, so I did the child-custody shuffle between my mom and stepdad (who raised me from age two and is the one I actually consider my “Dad”), and my siblings, and wherever my biological father (a junkie, crackhead, perpetually unemployed) managed to scam a bed.
When I was 14, he got his realtor’s license, and we promptly moved into a one-bedroom condo he was supposed to be selling. I spent that year sleeping on the floor, while the rest of my family moved into a huge house on a golf course. I also had to do things like dress up as homeless to accompany him to court when he was angling for disability, help secure drugs for him, use hard drugs with him, and deal with a lot of other chaos I could probably write a book about.
I thought living with my mom was great, but my siblings complain about it constantly. I just keep my mouth shut.
When I was 14, he got his realtor’s license, and we promptly moved into a one-bedroom condo he was supposed to be selling. I spent that year sleeping on the floor, while the rest of my family moved into a huge house on a golf course. I also had to do things like dress up as homeless to accompany him to court when he was angling for disability, help secure drugs for him, use hard drugs with him, and deal with a lot of other chaos I could probably write a book about.
I thought living with my mom was great, but my siblings complain about it constantly. I just keep my mouth shut.
Posted on 9/23/25 at 10:12 pm to SidewalkTiger
No, I always recognized how fortunate we were compared to most kids.
As I age I realize even more how lucky we were and how different, healthier and better our lives were compared to most kid's upbringing.
My little sister, a 55 year old 370Lb angry lesbian doesn't feel the same and doesn't want to feel the same. It's all about perspective and, more importantly, desired perspective. Some people cannot function without being angry and having something to blame for their situation.
I'm noticing this a lot on the O-T forum
As I age I realize even more how lucky we were and how different, healthier and better our lives were compared to most kid's upbringing.
My little sister, a 55 year old 370Lb angry lesbian doesn't feel the same and doesn't want to feel the same. It's all about perspective and, more importantly, desired perspective. Some people cannot function without being angry and having something to blame for their situation.
I'm noticing this a lot on the O-T forum
Posted on 9/23/25 at 10:15 pm to SidewalkTiger
Way different than my sibling’s, being the oldest my dad drank a lot, once my sister (no pics) came along he had pretty much quit. Is what it is no regrets or at least not a lot
Posted on 9/23/25 at 10:23 pm to SidewalkTiger
It was rough for both of us. My brother is 14 years older. Mom (no pics) had him at 15. Got pregnant her first time having sex. Country girl from Opelousas moved to Houston and shite got real.
This post was edited on 9/23/25 at 10:33 pm
Posted on 9/23/25 at 10:31 pm to sjmabry
I needed the reminder at a big time in my life that my siblings and I are all separate people. Yes we are always brother and sister and have each others backs, but we arent the same people just because we share the same parents.
We like different things, dislike different things, value different things, and have differing viewpoints. That almost always hurts when those things dont sync up because we were a tight knit family growing up.
If you feel in your bones your home gave you a positive foot forward, you should thank the lord you have that blessing and give your parents as much love as you can while they're still around.
We like different things, dislike different things, value different things, and have differing viewpoints. That almost always hurts when those things dont sync up because we were a tight knit family growing up.
If you feel in your bones your home gave you a positive foot forward, you should thank the lord you have that blessing and give your parents as much love as you can while they're still around.
Posted on 9/23/25 at 10:31 pm to SidewalkTiger
Me and my three siblings all agree that it could have been worse, BUT not much.
My parents hated each other.
Our childhood was filled with all forms of abuse.
The following is factually true
I'm number four of four. Raised in the 60s and 70s. I graduated high school in 81.
The oldest (only sister) missed valedictorian (1972) by 1/100th of a point. Had weighted GPAs been a thing she was it. This wasn't good enough for Dad though. She married on her 18th birthday to flee the home. She spent much of her life hiding in her closet reading by flashlight to avoid being screamed at for hours. She stayed away from the house as much as possible. Worked from 13 on. She suffered depression, anxiety and migraines. Has struggled with psych problems since.
Next in line, a name sake son, DJ Jr. I'll call him Broster. Ran away four times before age 17. Psychotic throughout his life. Four failed marriages before admitting he was gay. Actually he never acknowledged being gay and instead said he was a female. Yes he became a tranny. Got caught trolling truck stops and stalking his wife's around town. He said they were all cheating on him. In Kroger mind you.
Third. a brother 3.5 yrs my senior ODd twice before age 15. One known suicide attempt and the other unknown. Both would have succeeded if he'd not been found and taken by EMR to hospital and stomach pumped. He was never given any help. Druggie his whole life. Convicted felon. Now dead.
No help in any form given to any of us.
Lastly. Me.
I wasn't sparred.
I'd prefer not to disclose.
My parents hated each other.
Our childhood was filled with all forms of abuse.
The following is factually true
I'm number four of four. Raised in the 60s and 70s. I graduated high school in 81.
The oldest (only sister) missed valedictorian (1972) by 1/100th of a point. Had weighted GPAs been a thing she was it. This wasn't good enough for Dad though. She married on her 18th birthday to flee the home. She spent much of her life hiding in her closet reading by flashlight to avoid being screamed at for hours. She stayed away from the house as much as possible. Worked from 13 on. She suffered depression, anxiety and migraines. Has struggled with psych problems since.
Next in line, a name sake son, DJ Jr. I'll call him Broster. Ran away four times before age 17. Psychotic throughout his life. Four failed marriages before admitting he was gay. Actually he never acknowledged being gay and instead said he was a female. Yes he became a tranny. Got caught trolling truck stops and stalking his wife's around town. He said they were all cheating on him. In Kroger mind you.
Third. a brother 3.5 yrs my senior ODd twice before age 15. One known suicide attempt and the other unknown. Both would have succeeded if he'd not been found and taken by EMR to hospital and stomach pumped. He was never given any help. Druggie his whole life. Convicted felon. Now dead.
No help in any form given to any of us.
Lastly. Me.
I wasn't sparred.
I'd prefer not to disclose.
Posted on 9/23/25 at 10:36 pm to SidewalkTiger
I think my brothers and I would almost be in agreement.
Posted on 9/23/25 at 10:42 pm to VolunGator
quote:
Lastly. Me.
I wasn't sparred.
I'd prefer not to disclose.
I appreciate you posting that stuff. Thts a hard life yall have lived.
Posted on 9/23/25 at 10:44 pm to SidewalkTiger
Yes. Its based on genetic strength as a human. Im sure one of my 5 will think it was over the top while ignoring how successful they are.
Posted on 9/23/25 at 10:47 pm to Disco Ball
quote:I agree. Anger is the default mode for too many people, and it was for me until my thirties, when I realized that even justified anger is self-defeating, and rage over things beyond my control is self-destructive. We all come from circumstances we didn’t choose, some far worse than others, but I learned to control my own anger. I did this through physical activity, distancing myself from toxic team politics and internet rage-bait cycles, and recognizing that my current unhappiness stemmed from choices I had made, and wasn't the fault of "others."
It's all about perspective and, more importantly, desired perspective. Some people cannot function without being angry and having something to blame for their situation.
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