.

You’ll get through it, much harder to do alone. Nights get real long.

I don’t know if it gets less painful as time passes or you process it differently.

What you're going through is perfectly normal. Don't be ashamed to shed tears. Just keep remembering the good times you had and take it one day at a time. That's all you can do. All the best man

Sounds incredibly cliché but I pray. When I break down over the loss of my father 6 years ago, I pray and am thankful for the times and memories I had with him. Yes, there's regrets of not doing this or that together but ultimately gratitude in prayer is what let's me see light at the end of the tunnel

Typing it out may help, but no responses here will help. Including mine.

I can tell you that I did everything wrong. For about two years I tried to drink myself to death. Ran away from the church asking why would something like this be allowed. Only spoke to friends or family when they called me.

My now wife walked into my life. Saved my life.

It seems odd, but there are groups like Compassionate Friends. While I do not belong, I did attend some gatherings. There are others that have issues…some worse than yours. While it is not a competition, it helps to talk to someone that knows the feelings you are having right now.

Prayers sent. There are people out there the truly do depend upon you. Continue to be there for them.

quote:

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he ripped hour?

I'm sobbing. I can't see this screen. The wound is ripped open fresh 12 years out and I still can't fight it. Because I remember what came in the morning. The news. I can't sleep.

I'm sorry. I thought I was good. I'm still a wreck. I regret even writing this post but it's still cathartic because I wrote it out.

ETA.: I miss my little brother. It's 12 years now and I thought I was strong enough. I'm not and a mess

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Some humans are simply like this. You aren't weak. I was a caregiver for my parents and Uncle for 20 years. I understand grief as well as any. And I can't tell you how to do it, sadly. There's books, and therapy, and talking in groups of grieving people, there's drinking, there's drugs, there's all kinds of things we can do to blunt the pain. A LOT of people look to their Faith to make it through. My faith was never that strong, so I didn't have that. I do not knock those who do, though. Often, it doesn't matter. Its going to be what it is, and the best we can do is day to day.

You cannot control what other people think about you, or how they treat you. Often, this results in people either ostracizing you or, worse, making fun. When they have no idea how fortunate they are to NOT care that much.

Winston Churchill once said - "If you're going through hell, keep going."

I try to live that every single day. Nothing is permanent in this world. NOTHING.

My big loss was in 2014. To this day I think about her every day. Some days I have moments where the rawness comes back. In those moments I usually turn to the greats of music and literature to just go ahead and feel the feelings. I actually have a playlist of music that is in big part geared toward feelings of loss, whether of a loved one, time, opportunity, etc. so it’s easy to get in the car and hit play and work through some thoughts. Buy Tolstoy’s “calendar of wisdom” which has great insights from philosophy and religion giants, and consume as much CS Lewis as you can. You’re a writer…if you can’t sleep, get out of bed and open a notebook and either journal every single thought you have or write your brother as many letters as you need to. I think when these emotions build up, catharsis is the best thing for them, and that looks different for everyone.

Some people need to talk to other people to get it out, which is why those groups and therapy can help. My concern with those things long term is that it can lead to rumination and dwelling which also ain’t good. My favorite phrase in life is “this too shall pass” and I think that’s true, with the caveat that “this” can return before passing again, which repeats like a wave system forever. In my mind, focusing on getting through the moments when they come is more worthwhile than trying to solve an insurmountable problem of “moving on forever”…that’s just not possible IMO and thinking that it is can lead to feelings of helplessness and failure when “it doesn’t happen”.

I am glad you are reaching out for support. Taking care of yourself better and recognizing how important your life still is, even considering your loss, will help you to find your own personal understanding of why things are still okay.

If you need someone to talk to you can call me you should still have my number from the Christmas gift thing we did. If you don’t, let me know and I’ll post it.

I’m not very good at a lot of things but I am good at listening.

Love you brother. Some of the pain don't go away. It never goes away.

You never want all of the pain to go away. But if it goes away it would mean you have forgotten. You never want to forget. It's better to feel the pain.

Over time it dulls a bit usually

We try to turn to thoughts of the good times to get us through, to make us forget reality and the pain. But only time will do anything good for us.