stogie5150

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There are those that really are not into Christmas.
If you're not in to it what's your reason?

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My Mom passed on Christmas Day, My Dad is long gone, have no kids, so no grandkids, Christmas is just another day.

Past two years I have gone to visit with a fellow TD member, have a cigar, and talk on Christmas Day afternoon. If the weather is good, perhaps I shall this year.

I don't begrudge anyone who does celebrate Do your thing. Its just not mine.

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You're 55 and haven't had sex since the 90's...have you ever had sex with your wife? Was she always in poor health?

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Yes. About once a month before we were married. Birth control wrecked her hormones... After she got off birth control is when it trickled to a stop.

I had no idea that wasn't normal. Almost every man I talked to told me the same thing, welcome to marriage. So I just let it go.

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you could have been doing all those things, including making bank and getting laid, all at the same time LOL. Doing good and caring for family and having sex are not mutually exclusive

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No sir. When your Dad is laying in bed gasping for breath dying of heart failure and asks you teary eyed to take care of his wife until she dies...that's what you do. You put aside any dreams you have and do what a Son is supposed to do. Again, I had NO idea what that was going to entail, but I know duty and I fulfilled my duty. I do not and will not ever apologize for taking care of the people that gave me life.

Never claimed I was normal.

I never had the privilege of learning how to talk to women. I talked to them like men, and that doesn't work. Didn't know 30 years ago, And it hasn't gotten better.

I knew what I was getting into when I got married. I married the best available to me after striking out in every direction. We share similar views on kids (we dont have any), Money (we don't have any) , Politics, everything except sex. Knowing what I knew about myself, my own ineptness with the opposite sex, i decided I'd better take what I can get. And did.

Doesn't matter how much you want something, if you cant get it, effort doesn't matter. If you beat a dog long enough, He will learn his lesson. Its just took me this long.

She has health issues she wont address, I addressed mine, Doc says I am good to go, but I am all dressed with nowhere to go. If she said hey go ahead and do what you want to, I wouldn't know where to start. I have no idea what I am doing. I don't drink, I don't do drugs, I don't hang out in bars, I don't hunt or fish. There's not a chance in HELL I am giving up what little I have for a nebulous CHANCE I might find someone that might have sex with me. Oh no, I have been down that road before. I know where it goes.

I have a pretty good life, everything paid for, food in the larder, roof above my head paid for, cars paid for.

I'm just not frickin. Oh well. Wasn't meant for me.

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Hmmm. I'll have to look into that. thx!

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My numbers were in the 400s. Lost 84 pounds a few years ago, kept most of it off. But I take Milk Thistle and Turmeric every day since. Liver numbers normal. I am sure it helped that I cycle 100 miles a week, too, but I talked to a few liver patients in cirrhosis from drinking , and they both said it helped. I wasn't a drinker, and still dont drink. And of course you mileage may vary.

Concur with diet and frickin exercise, though.

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Where does THCa come down in all of this?

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THC-A is, for all intents and purposes, marijuana. Its how it was explained to me. Dry, it tests for THC as hemp. Light it on fire, and the heat makes it activate. THC-A is illegal to buy over the counter in Louisiana. HOWEVER, you can go on a retailer's website, order, and USPS will bring you a pound to your door if thats what you want. Completely legal. Once again, Louisiana is stupid.

Reason why gummies and seltzers give one couch lock is because thats the design. Strains differ but indica is couch lock, sativa is a traditional 'weed' high.

Those of us that don't or can't drink ( I can't drink because I was a fatass and have a bad liver), indeed use it as a replacement for alcohol.

I'm retired so I give frick all about testing.

:lol:

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he ripped hour?

I'm sobbing. I can't see this screen. The wound is ripped open fresh 12 years out and I still can't fight it. Because I remember what came in the morning. The news. I can't sleep.

I'm sorry. I thought I was good. I'm still a wreck. I regret even writing this post but it's still cathartic because I wrote it out.

ETA.: I miss my little brother. It's 12 years now and I thought I was strong enough. I'm not and a mess

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Some humans are simply like this. You aren't weak. I was a caregiver for my parents and Uncle for 20 years. I understand grief as well as any. And I can't tell you how to do it, sadly. There's books, and therapy, and talking in groups of grieving people, there's drinking, there's drugs, there's all kinds of things we can do to blunt the pain. A LOT of people look to their Faith to make it through. My faith was never that strong, so I didn't have that. I do not knock those who do, though. Often, it doesn't matter. Its going to be what it is, and the best we can do is day to day.

You cannot control what other people think about you, or how they treat you. Often, this results in people either ostracizing you or, worse, making fun. When they have no idea how fortunate they are to NOT care that much.

Winston Churchill once said - "If you're going through hell, keep going."

I try to live that every single day. Nothing is permanent in this world. NOTHING.

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US Mobile is the answer. Pick from all three major networks at substantial savings. Better customer service too.

Verizon (they call it warp) isn’t deprioritized like most MVNOs. You can pay extra to stay prioritized on ATT.

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I dont understand how people cant like US Mobile IF you dont need a terabyte of data a month Only thing I can see if people just cant believe it.

I know my older sis ,no pics, just doesn't trust it because 'its prepaid', like its herpes or something.

Visible is great as well if you absolutely must have Verizon. I have a cousin that uses his 25.00/mo visible line as his ONLY internet for his whole house. Tether it to his smart TV and let it eat. :lol:

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Most people who are suicidal don't believe that anyone can help them. Hopelessness is difficult to overcome.

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This. this right here.

I also believe that if you have never been there, you will never understand. You wont understand the lifetime of hopelessness, the futility of continued effort for no reward other than continuing breathing. No joy, no happiness, no love, no satisfaction. They don't, and likely never had, the tools to deal with the world we live in.

I have been there for two people that took their lives, and they both told me almost the same words. Its the most hopeless, heartbreaking thing I ever witnessed.

And some of us just exist. I am one of those people. Watching my parents wither and die changed me. But I am not going anywhere. The world will have to deal with my angry bitter arse for as long as I can hang on. We never had our shite together, we dont know how, and talking to some pointy headed therapist who's never had a bad day in her life, a REAL bad day, isnt going to fix it.

Some of us are just frickin broken. And thats okay. World needs broken people to do jobs you normies won't do. :cheers:

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Reading everybody else's answers made me sad because I realized I rarely feel freedom.

When I was about to be wheeled back for cancer surgery, that was the closest I think I've ever been to being truly free.

My entire life until that point was a constant pressure to perform, to handle responsibilities, to prepare for the future, to continuously learn and improve, to push for excellence and a form of small minded greatness. It led me to a non-stop sense of obligation that never was at ease. I always had something I needed to be doing and could never just sit and exist.

On that bed, I had said goodbye to my family. No one from work could reach me. My work duties were delegated and couldn't be given back. If I died on the table, my family would never have to worry about money (assuming the life insurance paid out). I would never again feel the pressure of being a below average father, employee, husband, son, brother or friend. I would never again feel the guilt of not being perfect.

For the first time in my life, it was just me and death, and I wasn't even worried. I was free to lay there and just be.

I envy those of you who can reach that feeling with achievable activities.

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I feel that so much. I, too, don't remember what freedom feels like. I don't know if I ever felt it as a adult.

I left High School an average student. I hated school and everything that went with it, so right to work I went. Worked and hated every single day. Reached the age of 32, and realized my Dad was nearing death, and began the next 20 or so years being a caregiver for family members, simply because no one else could or would do it. I watched as my hero, the man that was always there, wither away and die at the ripe old age of 69. I was 32. My hunting buddy, my fishing buddy, was gone. I never fished seriously again, never hunted again. Too painful.
That left me with my Mom, who had never did anything for herself, didn't drive, didn't know how to pay bills, nothing. So from 2003 to 2018 I ran her life. There was no time for mine. No vacations, thank goodness I had no kids to see what I had to do, day after day, year after year. Took in her brother in 2013 who also had no family, and cared for HIM until he passed in 2021.

I don't know what freedom is. No idea. wouldn't know if it punched me in the face. I always had to be somewhere, manage an illness, manage doctors, manage injuries, all the while trying to live for myself. Hopeless.

Closest I get to freedom is pedaling a recumbent trike down the trace. If there's a nice breeze, and I dont hurt, there's an occasional feeling of 'Damn, I made it"...but I still h ave to be on guard, every single day, because now I am getting to age where I am going to be the one that can't do anymore.

I don't drink, I don't and never have done hard drugs, I have an occasional THC gummy and that only brings temporary peace.

Freedom? Never met the man.

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The Mr. Claude that I am referring to had a son named Sam who was a good friend of mine. Mr. Claude had been a member of the OSS in WWII and a wound cost him a finger. He was from Bridge City but spent a good part of the year at his camp in Happy Jack.

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Yep, we've met. Small world. I am a little older than Sammy's kids, but just a couple years. Miss them all. Miss the camp. A time gone that cant be recovered. My Paw Paw was one of Mr Claude's Brothers.