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Starting Over After Divorce

Posted on 2/18/24 at 10:47 pm
Posted by Nelson Biederman IV
New York, NY
Member since Apr 2014
554 posts
Posted on 2/18/24 at 10:47 pm
I’m 36 and my wife and I have a 7 month old son. We bought a house last year. Everything was falling into place, even though we’d had a rough patch the year prior. It’s a long story and way too many details but we’re now getting divorced. I tried really hard for a long time but it just didn’t work. Now I’m pushing 40 and facing the prospect of starting over and I can’t even imagine it. I mean in my mind I’m settled down. I’m a homebody. I go to bed early. I mostly just work and my only hobby is hunting. I’m an old man. The thought of trying to date and start a family again is just wild. I know tons of people here have been through this but did any of you feel the way I do about being settled and all that? How did you get back out there? How have things worked out?
Posted by LSUFootballLover
BR
Member since Oct 2008
3745 posts
Posted on 2/18/24 at 10:50 pm to
Well Nelson, you came to the right place.

ETA, I’m not the best to ask how to go forward, but many will be along shortly with more advice than you asked for.
This post was edited on 2/18/24 at 10:52 pm
Posted by WillieD
Lafayette/BR
Member since Apr 2014
2308 posts
Posted on 2/18/24 at 10:50 pm to
quote:

I’m a homebody. I go to bed early. I mostly just work and my only hobby is hunting. I’m an old man


You’re not an old man. I would say to get out of this mindset
Posted by MSTiger33
Member since Oct 2007
20718 posts
Posted on 2/18/24 at 10:51 pm to
You will have an easier time find a new partner in the long run than she will.
Posted by Nelson Biederman IV
New York, NY
Member since Apr 2014
554 posts
Posted on 2/18/24 at 10:52 pm to
lol the ONLY place to go!
Posted by OysterPoBoy
City of St. George
Member since Jul 2013
37845 posts
Posted on 2/18/24 at 10:55 pm to
quote:

I’m 36


quote:

Now I’m pushing 40


quote:

I’m an old man


Posted by LemmyLives
Texas
Member since Mar 2019
7595 posts
Posted on 2/18/24 at 10:55 pm to
Sad for you.

Do *NOT* start dating within at least a year. I don't know your personality, but I don't even know I'd even try to start rutting before then. You will try to attach your emotional needs to almost anyone you need (even if she says she's here for a good time, not a long time.)

Don't worry about starting a family again, you already have one, it's the 7 month old. This needs to be the focus of your suck fest. Everything takes a back seat to him. Now, does that mean your non scheduling and non communicating ex wife in line? No. But document it. It may take a decade.
Posted by WinnaSez
Jackson, MS
Member since Mar 2019
1120 posts
Posted on 2/18/24 at 10:57 pm to
Lots of I’s in your post, but only one mention of your son.
Shouldn’t you be more worried about how your divorce impacts his life???
Posted by GeorgeTheGreek
Sparta, Greece
Member since Mar 2008
67180 posts
Posted on 2/18/24 at 10:58 pm to
quote:

It’s a long story and way too many details


I hate that she cheated on you. fricked up being that you have a 7 month old. She sounds like a psychopath. You’ll be better off in the long run.
This post was edited on 2/18/24 at 10:59 pm
Posted by saint tiger225
San Diego
Member since Jan 2011
37422 posts
Posted on 2/18/24 at 10:59 pm to
Sounds like you have Low T. Might wanna get that checked out.
Posted by OysterPoBoy
City of St. George
Member since Jul 2013
37845 posts
Posted on 2/18/24 at 11:00 pm to
If you come back and read this post in 5 years you will laugh. Lift some weights. Get some self esteem. You let this broad defeat you.
Posted by BigBinBR
Baton Rouge
Member since Mar 2023
5743 posts
Posted on 2/18/24 at 11:03 pm to
quote:

my wife and I have a 7 month old son. We bought a house last year. Everything was falling into place, even though we’d had a rough patch the year prior.


So y’all had a rough patch and thought buying a house and having a kid would fix it?

Posted by TDsngumbo
Alpha Silverfox
Member since Oct 2011
43832 posts
Posted on 2/18/24 at 11:03 pm to
quote:

Now I’m pushing 40 and facing the prospect of starting over and I can’t even imagine it. I mean in my mind I’m settled down. I’m a homebody. I go to bed early. I mostly just work and my only hobby is hunting. I’m an old man.

Don’t let the old man in.
Posted by Winston Cup
Dallas Cowboys Fan
Member since May 2016
65989 posts
Posted on 2/18/24 at 11:05 pm to
Having a newborn when you are going thru a rough patch in a relationship is always a good strategy

Hoes are kinda loose on their 40s but they have kids, so you are basically gonna swap the crazy girl you liked for another crazy with someone else’s kids

Good luck, keep us posted
Posted by cubsfan5150
NWA
Member since Nov 2007
16039 posts
Posted on 2/18/24 at 11:05 pm to
Get in shape. The rest will work itself out.
Posted by Nelson Biederman IV
New York, NY
Member since Apr 2014
554 posts
Posted on 2/18/24 at 11:08 pm to
Buddy, there’s a reason I’m only asking about this one aspect of moving on. I was in a relationship with his mother for 14 years and was desperately trying to spend the rest of my life unhappy so that he would have an intact family. I obsess over how this will affect him. I just wanted to hear some stories.
Posted by GeorgeTheGreek
Sparta, Greece
Member since Mar 2008
67180 posts
Posted on 2/18/24 at 11:10 pm to
Kids are resilient. He’ll be fine. Just don’t be a jerk to his mom even though she’s a dirty cheater.
Posted by fr33manator
Baton Rouge
Member since Oct 2010
127761 posts
Posted on 2/18/24 at 11:11 pm to
I know it's cliche but it does get better with time. Keep walking through the fire and you'll find yourself on the other side. Stay in it and it will burn you up.

Bitterness is poison. Let it go, it will taint you and everything around you.

Just live man. We get one shot. Learn from your mistakes and soldier on.

And remember, Dawn always follows Darkness
Posted by danilo
Member since Nov 2008
21900 posts
Posted on 2/18/24 at 11:12 pm to
quote:

The thought of trying to date and start a family again is just wild.

Then don’t baw
Posted by Havoc
Member since Nov 2015
31309 posts
Posted on 2/18/24 at 11:12 pm to
quote:

It’s a long story and way too many details but we’re now getting divorced.

Can’t really give sound advice without more info here.
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