The *worst* Christmas Song you’ve probably never heard.

Linda Bennett - An Old Fashioned Christmas (Daddy’s Home)

There are several candidates for the “worst Christmas song of all time” but this one no doubt wins. Even Dominick the Donkey is easy on the ears after a listen of this 70s Yuletide tune.

In 1975 Linda Bennett recorded An Old Fashioned Christmas with the idea of throwing a little drama into what was (up to then) the ‘same old’ sound of Christmas tunes.

Here’s the breakdown:

We open with sounds heard over the radio of Silent Night warming the souls of a woman and her children sitting by the fire, waiting for daddy to come home from work.

quote:

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(Silent Night in background)

[News Reporter]
This is your music, news and weather station
Bringing you the best in Christmas music
On this beautiful Christmas Eve

[Mom]
Look outside, the snow is falling, what a sight to see
Daddy will be coming home, as happy as can be.
He'll be walkin' through the door at ten minutes after nine
'Cause the bus he takes each night is always right on time

[Chorus]
It's gonna be a very merry Christmas
With all the children by the Christmas tree
It's gonna be a real old fashioned Christmas
For my children, their daddy, and me

---

Now up to this point, if you were to tell me this is just another wholesome song for the Birth of Jesus, I’d be inclined to forgive you. However…
Just as the radio switches to Jingle Bells the news announcer (intro’d by a blaring alarm and dramatic music cuts in…

quote:

---

[News Reporter]
We're sorry to interrupt this program, but a bull?tin has just been handed me
There's been a serious accident involving the number five bus out of New Haven
The only information we have is that the bus skidded on a patch of ice and slammed into a tree
Stay tuned to this station for further details

---

Uh oh. Foreshadowing. Mother enters the first stage of depression by immediately showcasing denial.

quote:

---

[Son]
Mommy isn't that the bus Daddy rides each night?

[Mother]
Put your mind at ease my children, everything's all right
Everyone don't get excited, things will be okay
Nothing bad is gonna happen on this Christmas Day

[Chorus]
It's gonna be a very merry Christmas
With all the children by the Christmas tree
It's gonna be a real old fashioned Christmas
For my children, their daddy, and me

---

The First Noel begins to play over the radio.

Just as the children are beginning to put their little hearts at ease…another announcement!

quote:

---

[News Reporter]
Ladies and gentlemen, I've just been handed the latest report involving bus number five out of New Haven
And from all indications we're sorry to report that there were no survivors

---

Holy shite! What a twist! Mother and the children, without skipping a beat, turn immediately to resignation.

quote:

---

[Mom]
Oh my god this just can't happen what am I to do?
What have I got left in life to look forward to?

[Daughter]
Who will walk me down the aisle on my wedding day?

[Son]
Who is gonna buy me toys and take me out to play?

---

Suddenly, a ring of the doorbell…

quote:

---

[Children]
DADDY! DADDY!

[Dad]
Merry Christmas everybody
I know it's late and i missed my bus.
Well don't just stand there! Help me with these presents!

[Chorus]
It's gonna be a very merry Christmas
With all the children by the Christmas tree
It's gonna be a real old fashioned Christmas
For my children, their daddy, and me

[Son]
Merry Christmas Daddy

---

So daddy makes it. But let’s not even mention the other families that will not have loved ones coming home for Christmas because the number 5 bus slipped on some ice.

Hurry up and get this Christmas gem in your iTunes/Spotify playlist! Play it for your wife, your children, and your family to enjoy.

Merry Christmas you filthy animals.