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Message
re: A friend of mine is getting disowned by some family members for divorcing wife that
Posted on 10/30/23 at 10:39 am to QJenk
Posted on 10/30/23 at 10:39 am to QJenk
quote:
You need better strategies. Have you learned nothing from the fat movement? For many people, shaming doesn't work
We've gotten fatter as a society as we've moved away from fat shaming. I'm sure it's a coincidence.
1
Posted on 10/30/23 at 10:40 am to Pettifogger
quote:While juxtaposing it with comments about it being over simple sexual attraction when that's not the argument.
I pretty specifically asked in what possible way this could be "for the betterment" of the family.
Posted on 10/30/23 at 10:41 am to LemmyLives
quote:
because you have family nearby. Shocking.
LOL
Posted on 10/30/23 at 10:41 am to LSU Warren
quote:
than to wake up and have to look at her for the rest of his life.
Hes a sociopath.
Posted on 10/30/23 at 10:42 am to LNCHBOX
quote:
OK? SO just how much crap is this guy supposed to put up with? How much of a crap marriage are the kids supposed to be stuck in the middle of "for their sake?"
I suppose it depends how you view marriage. I personally don't see it as something you reevaluate every year to determine whether to renew based on whether the other "side" is pulling their weight.
Posted on 10/30/23 at 10:43 am to Pettifogger
quote:pun intended?
I personally don't see it as something you reevaluate every year to determine whether to renew based on whether the other "side" is pulling their weight.
Posted on 10/30/23 at 10:43 am to Pettifogger
quote:
I suppose it depends how you view marriage. I personally don't see it as something you reevaluate every year to determine whether to renew based on whether the other "side" is pulling their weight.
So you'll stay in a terrible, toxic relationship no matter how bad it gets or how horrible it is for your kids to live through. Good for you I guess.
Posted on 10/30/23 at 10:44 am to Pettifogger
quote:
I personally don't see it as something you reevaluate every year to determine whether to renew based on whether the other "side" is pulling their weight.
Right, thats for college girlfriends, not wives.
He didnt ever really care for her, he just thought she was sexy until she wasnt.
Posted on 10/30/23 at 10:45 am to LNCHBOX
If I had a guess I would imagine he like a lot of men put the sexual attraction and aspect of the marriage as paramount to him. She had the kids and probably had some post-partum and depression put on a little weight, maybe struggled to lose it and it compounded when her husband started commenting that she was getting fat. Her desire went down, her depression increased, and in his mind abhorring her to lose weight and stop being fat was the solution, because that's how we as men would talk to one another. He probably thought he is a good dad, and provider so she should want to make him happy. All the while her depression is getting worse, and her weight is going up. He begins to resent her because their sex life is probably waning as she is depressed and not in the mood, or even convinced he sees her as more as just a way to get off since he obviously isn't attracted to her anymore with him calling her fat. He isn't getting as much sex, and when they talk about it she probably says something along the lines of she doesn't feel sexy, so he either thinks or says she should do something to fix that then.
Now that he has filed he will maybe find someone that will fit what he feels he deserves for being a good father and provider. Meanwhile she will find men out of the gate who will make her feel better than he has for the last decade. She will begin to come out of the funk and start losing weight. That will increase the men that make her feel good and increase her desire to lose weight as well increase her appetite for the bedroom. In the end they will either both be happy, or at the very least she will. Every weekend the kids are at dad's studio apartment mom will be getting and receiving the attention that dad didn't give her nor did he inspire her to give.
Maybe doesn't fit this scenario, but I can definitely say I see this all of the time, and can say I thank the men who don't know how to communicate for some really really great nights with their exes.
Now that he has filed he will maybe find someone that will fit what he feels he deserves for being a good father and provider. Meanwhile she will find men out of the gate who will make her feel better than he has for the last decade. She will begin to come out of the funk and start losing weight. That will increase the men that make her feel good and increase her desire to lose weight as well increase her appetite for the bedroom. In the end they will either both be happy, or at the very least she will. Every weekend the kids are at dad's studio apartment mom will be getting and receiving the attention that dad didn't give her nor did he inspire her to give.
Maybe doesn't fit this scenario, but I can definitely say I see this all of the time, and can say I thank the men who don't know how to communicate for some really really great nights with their exes.
Posted on 10/30/23 at 10:46 am to northshorebamaman
quote:
While juxtaposing it with comments about it being over simple sexual attraction when that's not the argument.
Right, your point is that it's something bigger, shows disrespect for him, for the kids, and that prioritization of one's health and well-being is important and supersedes simply wanting to have sex with one's wife.
I get all that. Yet there is still no compelling argument that what he's doing betters the family. He's showing lack of respect for his vows. He's showing lack of respect for his children by agreeing to see them considerably less. His responsive actions are doing the same thing you're hypothetically tossing out as validation for said actions.
Posted on 10/30/23 at 10:46 am to Pettifogger
quote:
So he's countering by moving out and seeing his kids considerably less?
Yea lmao.
People all indignant over the wife getting fat, meanwhile the only info we really have about the guy’s motivations is that he wants to frick some slimmer trim.
Totally justifiable reason to split up your family and be in your kids lives a whole lot less.
Posted on 10/30/23 at 10:47 am to Pettifogger
quote:
He's showing lack of respect for his vows. He's showing lack of respect for his children by agreeing to see them considerably less. His responsive actions are doing the same thing you're hypothetically tossing out as validation for said actions.
You hold the whale to this same standard or no?
Posted on 10/30/23 at 10:47 am to LNCHBOX
quote:
We've gotten fatter as a society as we've moved away from fat shaming. I'm sure it's a coincidence.
Fat shaming didn't go anywhere though. Ask any fat person. They will tell you they have been shamed plenty.
Posted on 10/30/23 at 10:48 am to QJenk
quote:
Fat shaming didn't go anywhere though.
quote:
Ask any fat person. They will tell you they have been shamed plenty.
Not plenty enough apparently.
Posted on 10/30/23 at 10:49 am to RogerTheShrubber
He probably has some disdain for her since she appears to be too lazy to take care of herself for herself and her family. I'm not saying he's right for leaving, but it isn't all on him. She doesn't care enough to save the marriage either.
Posted on 10/30/23 at 10:51 am to LNCHBOX
quote:
So you'll stay in a terrible, toxic relationship no matter how bad it gets or how horrible it is for your kids to live through. Good for you I guess.
I'm an adult male in a marriage. A "toxic relationship" means either I'm causing it, contributing to it, or I'm a complete victim. In 90% of cases it's probably the second one. So it's within my control, at least to some extent.
Posted on 10/30/23 at 10:51 am to Smoke7024
quote:
He probably has some disdain for her since she appears to be too lazy to take care of herself for herself and her family.
How do we know she isn’t taking care of her family? You can be a good parent, clean, vacuum, help with homework, and still be fat
Posted on 10/30/23 at 10:51 am to Pettifogger
quote:
I'm an adult male in a marriage. A "toxic relationship" means either I'm causing it, contributing to it, or I'm a complete victim. In 90% of cases it's probably the second one. So it's within my control, at least to some extent.
That's a nice way of not answering the question.
Posted on 10/30/23 at 10:51 am to RogerTheShrubber
Its sad to me some people think being a father is taking your kids to the park every other weekend. I just couldnt live like that.
Posted on 10/30/23 at 10:52 am to Mushroom1968
I never said that.
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