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re: A friend of mine is getting disowned by some family members for divorcing wife that
Posted on 10/30/23 at 10:14 am to northshorebamaman
Posted on 10/30/23 at 10:14 am to northshorebamaman
quote:
I agree. And if she continues to prioritize herself and her needs above those of his children would you maintain that he should stay with her for the sake of the kids?
What's the argument here? That he's leaving her for the sake of the kids?
He's leaving her for himself. She'll still be mother of the children and it sounds like will be primary caregiver. He'll be in a different house and see his kids less. There's just no way to portray this as altruistic.
It really comes down to how you view life as an adult/parent. Is it a requirement that your desire for an attractive partner take a backseat to keeping your family together?
2
Posted on 10/30/23 at 10:15 am to northshorebamaman
quote:
would you maintain that he should stay with her for the sake of the kids?
Yes. When the child rearing is mostly done, she can eat herself into a starring role on a TLC reality show & he can go to the gym & a fit broad.
Posted on 10/30/23 at 10:16 am to CRW
quote:
The reallity is its the kids that suffer the most.Children should be the most important part in making a decision in wanting a divorce.People are selfish and only think of themselves these days.This affects kids for life but people dont GAF.ITS ALL ABOUT ME. Think about your children and suck it up until they are grown.You can get cooch anywhere.
Kids pick up when their parents hate each other. A lot of times they can end up in better situations after divorce where their home life isn’t full of fighting and hate even if it means they have two homes.
You need people who can keep their hate for each other in check, thats rare.
This post was edited on 10/30/23 at 10:19 am
Posted on 10/30/23 at 10:18 am to Dam Guide
The only thing better than sex with a fat girl is sex with a pregnant girl (7 months and above).
Posted on 10/30/23 at 10:19 am to Pettifogger
quote:
take a backseat to keeping your family together?
Not every marriage is better off lasting. I know several people that got divorced with kids. Yes there were some short term issues, but they all remarried and are great coparents together now.
Staying in a toxic marriage solely "for the kids" is not guaranteed to give the kids happiness.
Posted on 10/30/23 at 10:20 am to northshorebamaman
quote:
Now replace weight gain with drug addiction. Is there a point that you can divorce a drug addicted spouse while still maintaining your "word"? You can argue that she broke the 'honor her spouse' portion of her vows but you could make the same argument for morbid obesity.
So you would bail on your wife if she became addicted to say, Percodan? What else would you kick her to the curb for? Getting old with wrinkles? It's not what you originally bought into too, right?
It's ok to have married for looks, but don't try to justify dumping your family as something right to do.
Posted on 10/30/23 at 10:23 am to northshorebamaman
quote:
Now replace weight gain with drug addiction. Is there a point that you can divorce a drug addicted spouse while still maintaining your "word"?
I don’t know but I’m thankful my wife stayed with me through alcohol and benzos addiction. Been clean for almost 9 years, married 26 years. I had addiction problems on and off throughout my 30s.
Posted on 10/30/23 at 10:30 am to Pettifogger
quote:This is a misrepresentation of my argument that I've addressed twice now. Attractiveness has little to do with it in my mind and I have no idea what is going through the mind of the guy in the op or if he even exists. I'm not going to repost my previous responses because they're a bit long but both are somewhere in the last five pages or so if you're interested in arguing with what I've actually said.
Is it a requirement that your desire for an attractive partner take a backseat to keeping your family together?
The short answer is that one partner gaining 100 lbs isn't necessarily a simple cosmetic issue but it's all speculative anyways because we don't have much to go on.
Posted on 10/30/23 at 10:31 am to Trauma14
quote:
Honestly, I can't get over that. It's such a selfish move on his part with potential long lasting negative impacts on his kids. Stick around and wait until they are out of the house. He just lost so much time with them and doesn't seem to care. Only cares about image and money. I would have disowned him.
Would you say the same about the wife if she divorced him over alcohol addiction when she’s asked him time and time again to fix it? You people defending the wife here are absolutely pathetic. Do you realize how infuriating and frustrating it would be to sit there and watch your wife eat an entire box of ding dongs like was posted earlier when you’ve been asking her to be more healthy? It’s not just an image thing. You would lose all respect for that person also
Posted on 10/30/23 at 10:32 am to LNCHBOX
quote:
Not every marriage is better off lasting. I know several people that got divorced with kids. Yes there were some short term issues, but they all remarried and are great coparents together now.
Staying in a toxic marriage solely "for the kids" is not guaranteed to give the kids happiness.
Practically I'm sure this is true.
But I imagine most sensible people will also acknowledge this is a crutch for many parents, an excuse for them to chase something outside of their marriage/family or not work on it, whatever.
I'm not going to pretend I'm selfless, but I just don't really understand the concept of going "sure, seeing my kids 70% less for a chance at greater sexual fulfillment is a reasonable trade off."
I regularly think about whether or not I put my kids on a pedestal too much. I want them to know I'm their biggest supporter in every possible way, without them thinking they're the center of the universe. So in that sense I do think it's important for your kids to know that you have other things going on, you're a real person with other interests, etc. etc. But I'm just not sure "I'm leaving your mom because she's fat I'll see you every other weekend" falls into that category.
Posted on 10/30/23 at 10:34 am to Pettifogger
quote:
But I imagine most sensible people will also acknowledge this is a crutch for many parents, an excuse for them to chase something outside of their marriage/family or not work on it, whatever.
I'm not going to pretend I'm selfless, but I just don't really understand the concept of going "sure, seeing my kids 70% less for a chance at greater sexual fulfillment is a reasonable trade off."
Why are yall only focused on the sexual aspect here? The kind of person that completely lets themselves go even in the face of a spouse trying to snap them out of it has more issues than just gaining some weight.
quote:
I regularly think about whether or not I put my kids on a pedestal too much. I want them to know I'm their biggest supporter in every possible way, without them thinking they're the center of the universe. So in that sense I do think it's important for your kids to know that you have other things going on, you're a real person with other interests, etc. etc. But I'm just not sure "I'm leaving your mom because she's fat I'll see you every other weekend" falls into that category.
I think you're giving the wife a little too much credit here with nonsense like this. There are more issues here than juts not being attracted to your partner.
Would you want your kids to stay in a terrible marriage essentially no matter what?
This post was edited on 10/30/23 at 10:36 am
Posted on 10/30/23 at 10:34 am to northshorebamaman
quote:
This is a misrepresentation of my argument that I've addressed twice now. Attractiveness has little to do with it in my mind and I have no idea what is going through the mind of the guy in the op or if he even exists. I'm not going to repost my previous responses because they're a bit long but both are somewhere in the last five pages or so if you're interested in arguing with what I've actually said.
I pretty specifically asked in what possible way this could be "for the betterment" of the family. I don't think it's possible to get there without inventing facts, even if some of them may be reasonable leaps.
Posted on 10/30/23 at 10:36 am to Mizz-SEC
quote:
So you would bail on your wife if she became addicted to say, Percodan? What else would you kick her to the curb for? Getting old with wrinkles? It's not what you originally bought into too, right?
Sorry this is so confusing for you. Getting old and getting wrinkles is part of the normal aging process. Everyone, except apparently you, knows this and expects it. Getting addicted to drugs is NOT a normal part of the aging process and is something to be avoided.
Posted on 10/30/23 at 10:36 am to Pettifogger
quote:
But I'm just not sure "I'm leaving your mom because she's fat I'll see you every other weekend" falls into that category.
He’s leaving her because she is lazy and has no respect for him and his kids to try and be healthy
Posted on 10/30/23 at 10:36 am to LNCHBOX
quote:
Why are yall only focused on the sexual aspect here? The kind of person that completely lets themselves go even in the face of a spouse trying to snap them out of it has more issues than just gaining some weight.
I would counter that "well actually the issues she's dealing with are deeper than the weight itself" doesn't strike me as something that helps.
Posted on 10/30/23 at 10:36 am to Mizz-SEC
quote:If she refused to stop? Probably, yeah. Would you stay married to yours if she became addicted to say, meth and heroin and refused to quit? I would appreciate an answer to that, btw.
So you would bail on your wife if she became addicted to say, Percodan?
Posted on 10/30/23 at 10:37 am to Covingtontiger77
quote:
You know there’s a nice medium between telling your wife lose some weight and causing a full blown eating disorder.
A little fat shaming should be encouraged.
Have you seen what society looks like right now?
Fat is being glamorized.
You need better strategies. Have you learned nothing from the fat movement? For many people, shaming doesn't work. All it does is make them fell worse, make them feel more depressed, etc. It does not motivate them in the least bit. What do people do when they feel more depressed? You guessed it.
Posted on 10/30/23 at 10:37 am to The Pirate King
quote:
A douche that doesn't realize yelling "lose weight" at your wife for a decade isn't going to fix the problem, just makes it worse.
He shouldnt have to yell it at all.
She should respect her husband enough to keep that monkey tip top mcgoo.
Posted on 10/30/23 at 10:38 am to Pettifogger
quote:
I would counter that "well actually the issues she's dealing with are deeper than the weight itself" doesn't strike me as something that helps.
OK? SO just how much crap is this guy supposed to put up with? How much of a crap marriage are the kids supposed to be stuck in the middle of "for their sake?"
Posted on 10/30/23 at 10:38 am to financetiger38
quote:
He’s leaving her because she is lazy and has no respect for him and his kids to try and be healthy
So he's countering by moving out and seeing his kids considerably less?
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