re: Pondering Life With My Situation

quote:

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Get a hobby, get in the gym as much as your illness allows try to get in the best shape of your life. Go to church, try being more social and find a support base.

Listen man, as somebody who has been around somebody who struggled with similar issues, your attitude is the most important thing. Be positive, be active. Life changes quickly, but you have to take the first steps.

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And maybe that's the worst part of all. I hate myself. I'm my own worst critic. I'm sure my mental health doesn't help my physical health. I just feel so defective. Like I'll always be different. Like I'll never be normal. I just feel like I lost the genetic lottery and internally yes I do whine and cry about it like I'm some kid. I know I shouldn't and I know there are people younger than me who have things like cancer, heart attacks, heart conditions, ALS, things that are scarier than what I have, but I just feel so alone and like I can't do this myself anymore. But unlike cancer or heart conditions there aren't really support groups for what I have. It's horrible when you're out somewhere and cough a few times and everyone looks at you like you have the black plague. I understand it but I feel powerless.

As an introvert I love being by myself by nature but I know it doesn't help me long term. I want to feel like some of my best days are still ahead of me and that my best days aren't all behind me. I guess I just feel like no one cares and the few people that would care (some family and close friends) I don't want to a bother to. Plus I live away from family so there's not much they can do and I'd never move back to where I'm from. I guess at the end of the day I need to figure out how to attack this thing instead of letting it define me. That's the thing, I feel like I'm so defined by my medical conditions now. I don't feel like I'm anything else anymore and that's what I need to defeat.