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re: Marriage over or salvageable?
Posted on 11/27/22 at 4:33 pm to Richard Grayson
Posted on 11/27/22 at 4:33 pm to Richard Grayson
quote:
Are you still in as good a shape? Do you still put forth the same amount of effort? Do you still try and romance her like you did?
I'm in better physical shape than I was when we got married. I probably don't try to her romance her like I used to. One consistent quarrel we have is that I am just about always the one to initiate the sex we have and that aggravates me as I feel like if she really wanted to have sex she would try to initiate it sometimes as well.
6
Posted on 11/27/22 at 4:39 pm to DeSantis_2024
quote:
I'm in better physical shape than I was when we got married. I probably don't try to her romance her like I used to. One consistent quarrel we have is that I am just about always the one to initiate the sex we have and that aggravates me as I feel like if she really wanted to have sex she would try to initiate it sometimes as well.
My man, men have to initiate 90% of the time. And if someone tells you otherwise they found a woman in that 10% or they’re lying. At least that’s my perspective as a 38 year old whose been married 9 years and has two kids under five.
Posted on 11/27/22 at 4:52 pm to DeSantis_2024
Old and lonely is a small, cold, wet blanket. Good luck.
Posted on 11/27/22 at 5:37 pm to DeSantis_2024
quote:
One consistent quarrel we have is that I am just about always the one to initiate the sex we have and that aggravates me as I feel like if she really wanted to have sex she would try to initiate it sometimes as well.
How often did she used to initiate?
Has she changed or have your expectations?
Are your expectations realistic?
Most women aren’t constant horn dogs. Most men are. Are you expecting your wife to be herself? Or be who you want her to be?
Men are almost always the ones who have to initiate. That’s inherent in the sexes. It’s built into our dna. It’s built into most animals DNA.
Are you satisfied with what you have or greedy for more? Once a week is better than many people.
This post was edited on 11/27/22 at 5:39 pm
Posted on 11/27/22 at 8:44 pm to DeSantis_2024
quote:
One consistent quarrel we have is that I am just about always the one to initiate the sex we have and that aggravates me as I feel like if she really wanted to have sex she would try to initiate it sometimes as well.
Having a kid can negatively affect a woman’s sex drive for a long period of time, and she has had 3 in under a 10 year period. Don’t take it personally if she doesn’t initiate sex. Women are more complicated when it comes to sex, and there will be ups and downs in her sex drive throughout her lifetime. As long as you don’t make her resent you by asking her to do something that she doesn’t want to do sexually (initiating sex in this situation), there is no reason to think her sex drive won’t return. How old is your youngest?
Posted on 11/27/22 at 8:54 pm to DeSantis_2024
quote:some women need to be primed
I feel like if she really wanted to have sex she would try to initiate it sometimes as well.
She probably doesn’t feel as sexy as she did 3 kids ago - you need to flirt with her and tell her you love her, she’s pretty, you want her (etc) - when you are NOT in bed.
Posted on 11/29/22 at 6:43 am to DeSantis_2024
quote:
I'm in better physical shape than I was when we got married. I probably don't try to her romance her like I used to. One consistent quarrel we have is that I am just about always the one to initiate the sex we have and that aggravates me as I feel like if she really wanted to have sex she would try to initiate it sometimes as well.
Some women aren’t aroused solely by looks, others not at all after managing the kids and life all day, dishes, house, etc. For women like this, it’s consistently picking up the burden of the daily grind, taking off early here and there to let her go out to dinner with her friends, being thoughtful about ordinary stuff, going out of your way to take care of mundane chores, etc just so she can take a break. Not just on days you want sex, make it a habit and you will see a dramatic difference. When she sees the effort going into her it will translate in a spark you weren’t expecting. The issue is when you are doing these things it’s easy to think “ok now I’m going to be rewarded.”
If you really want to see a change, don’t keep score, just genuinely work on changing and you will get there. At the very least you will have the basis for a much more productive discussion.
This post was edited on 11/29/22 at 6:44 am
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